sunday, december.

the wind blows up my hair
it's making the breeze goes
up to my neck.
if i shall ever close my eyes
the snowflakes will try
too hard to keep it closed
forever

darling, january will start soon
are you hiding? do you care at all?
are you creeping behind the wooden
door and watch as the world burns
down?
because i do. i care about
the year that passes.
the seconds, the minutes,
the hours we spent together
just 24 hours ago
what happened?

i cried
you lied
we fought
i did this, right?
the cats are chasing for fresh meat.

i screamed like a possessed child
like a drunk man without a wife
like the sun without its light
but that was a year ago


monday, january

i used to see you every morning
on this day, you would walk around
the hallways and made fun of
our science teacher.

you would see me and
rolled your eyes
or maybe
just stared for billions of minutes
until you had to look away
because, well, my eyes
had taken over your heart
more than
her words did.

but that was last year.

i cringe every time i hear your
dark and beautiful and flawless
name

and i hide every time i smell your
cigarettes and wine perfume
or ketchup and cigarettes and beer
perfume.

this year

you wont call me yours
i wont call you mine
we wont be staring again
we wont be visible again
we wont dare to hate
we wont be in love
we wont care for each other
we will be nothing.

this year, starting.
i see your face in the crowd and ask,
"do i know him? does he still know me?"
you glance.

God, everything is blurry.
My voice is echoing in my own mind.
I remember when i told her i love you
She was crying, i was too
I told her, that i will never call you again,
I was wrong. God, i missed you.

I want you to call me now
I want you to need me.
I want you here, i want you laughing with me.
I WANT TO SCREAM!
I missed you too much.. and it's only been a day since i left you.
Oh God, everything is blurry.
And i'm falling
I'm falling
Again and
Again
And
You
Aren't
Here
With me.


*AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heart's been broken
The story ended
On how a misspoken
Word cannot be translated.

I couldn't say that I loved you first
Nor could I say that I loved you last
And now I'm planning things I shouldn't do
Like saying, that I hated you too?

So, just ignore the bad words here
My mind is already ****** up
The cusses were once holy too
But the people kept messing things up.

So I never had the time to say:
"I'm ******* in love with your demon soul"
I was craving for pleasure
Begging for blood, more specifically.
I said I was in pain! No, no. I am the pain

So just die in a hole
Let the worms eat you
Let me touch you
I wanna be alone
I want you to be here with me
I want you to die
I want you to kiss me
I want you to fall, hardly.

*I want you to stay.

i know that the sun is hurting
but the moon will always be there
to cover her scars and i know
that you'll always be here
for me
too
until
i die
and until you
start to
live.

I watch their footsteps
I listen to their laughs
Sometimes I wonder why
They keep joking about love.

I walk into the classroom
The boys are being rude
The girls are gossiping
Sometimes I wonder if
I fit in here.

I sit on the desk, preparing myself
The teacher comes in
He looks very tired, like I'm
Sometimes I wonder if
He wants to die--like I'd.

I start the exam, numbers are running inside my head
I look around to see if everyone's noticing
I look down at the paper and
Pull out a pencil from
the pencil case and
Stab my throat.

While the blood are rushing on my shirt
and down to my legs
I wonder why
They keep joking about love.

last night i dreamed of you
even though we've stopped loving
since that day on December
i still think of you as a perfectly blooming flower
just waiting, and waiting to be picked
and i knew that you were scared of your thorns
and i knew that i was going to let you tore me.

yesterday i met you again
you were smiling, didn't think that i was going to hate you
you were happy
you told me that you were happy, you told me that
she made you that way.

today i call you
i say your name out loud
my tongue is bleeding
my hands are trembling
my heart was breaking
you're here, in front of me
your eyes aren't twitching, they don't even blink.

you're smiling, letting me in like the first time
i know i'm foolish for entering you once more
but i know that
our song
will just keep
going around, and around
until our voices are numb, and lifeless
until our bones turn into stones
until you and me are us again.