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Vallery Jun 2020
I'm sober
for once
and it feels
I'm sober
and for once
I feel sad
I feel alone
intoxication keeps me happy
intoxication keeps me sane
intoxication keeps me alive
sobriety makes me feel real
sobriety kills me
sobriety kills me because I can hear my demons
I can hear the voices
I can feel the sadness

I'm sober
for once
and it feels
I'm sober
and I need a drink
I need a pill
I need a needle
I need anything
I need to feel
no, wait
I need to not feel
I need to not feel real
I need to not feel human
I need to feel happiness
and an amber liquid
a small white pill
can bring me to happiness
maybe even put me to sleep
so I'll finally be free
from sobriety
from sadness
from life
from me
Vallery May 2020
he loves me...
he says beautiful words
he tells beautiful stories
he looks at me with adoration,
at least
it seems that way...
he loves me not...
he doesn't always remember me
he doesn't always acknowledge me
he doesn't always keep his promises
it seems like
he loves me...
because his bright smile shines when he sees me
because his eyes shimmer when he sees me
because he told me he loves me
don't mean anything
he loves me not...
because he hurt me
because he scarred me
because he told me he hates me
don't mean anything
Vallery May 2020
I relive that night
over and over again,
wanting to go back...

wanting to go back
and feel that same happiness,
feel that same feeling...

I relive that night
and I think about how you
create peace in me...

I remember your
eyes and how they looked at me,
how your hands touched me...

I relive that night
and my heart starts to smile...
I want to go back
Vallery Feb 2020
the room is quiet
my thoughts are loud
i see shadows
i see demons
i see my future in the ground
the rope is tied
the gun is loaded
i see the end
i see death
im shattered and broken
death is a friend
i am not scared
death is near
death is good
no one really cared
the room is cold
my thoughts are quiet
im at the end
im with death
how else could i have fixed it?
Vallery Feb 2020
my head hurts
slowly dying
blurry vision
dark muddy thoughts
not a clear decision
Vallery Feb 2020
the constant ticking in my head is painful
all i can think about is the
tick tick tick
echoing in my brain
the sound bouncing off my skull
it hurts
im sad
im anxious
tick tick tick
almost like a finger impatiently tapping
like someone is impatiently waiting for me to die
so the ticking will stop
so the ticking will cease
and I won't hurt
i won't be sad
i won't be anxious
i won't be imprisoned by the demons
or the
tick tick tick
i need a solace from the torture
a solace from the pain
from my heartbeat
from my life
i can't take the
tick tick tick
a gun
a pill
a rope
an antidote to life
an antidote to the chains
an antidote to the infuriating
tick tick tick
that goes on inside my head
pull the trigger
swallow the pill
tie the rope
end my pain
end my sorrow
end my life
anything to end the
tick tick tick
anything to end the feeling of
tick tick tick
Vallery Feb 2020
I lie here,

Covered in shame,
All I can think about is my mistakes,
Nothing I've done makes
This life worth living...

Someone listen to my cries or
Let me die.
Each breath is
Please, let me sleep forever
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