I have a few words
but they are brittle, easily fragmented.
Not pretty in their frailty- just broken.

I've been telling my therapist about you.
I've been trying to sleep, yet all that fills my head is you and her.
You talking to her. A filthy wreck. I feel sorry for her.
Me working into the early hours of the morning, watching a sunrise on the long drive back, me wanting to get home to you.
You getting involved with her while I'm gone. You inviting her to the bar. Let me make you a drink.
You could be wiping her lipstick away before I return, erasing her taste from your lips. I bet it's disgusting.
I thought you hated dreadlocks.
I've been going over and over in my head if this is what I'm worth. I know I'm not a looker.. My hair is messy, my clothes are ripped, I'm all marked up from the past.
I thought my personality shone through that though.
Sometimes though, I guess that's not enough.
What hole do you need to fill? Please tell me.
Please, oh please tell me why you knocked me down. Why am I not enough.
I've been crying a little each day, then pulling it back together.
I've been trying to still be that stone wall I always am throughout this horrible pain.
I smell like cigarettes, you smell like lies.
I've been telling my therapist about you.

It didn't start out as a suicide attempt
But one cut after five too many
Death didn't look so scary.

It didn't start out as a suicide attempt
But twelve cuts in and the blood dripping down
Felt oddly akin to catharsis.

It didn't start out as a suicide attempt
But by the time help came-- far too early to be late--
Life's continuation seemed akin to regret.

It's unwarranted; I know everything is fine.
                                   stop checking and they'll stab you from behind
It's my personality; I'm inclined to mistrust.
                                           just when you feel safe it'll crumble to dust
Just because it's happened before...
                                          only fools don't listen when they're warned
I'm happy now, I'm just looking for a penance.
                                         with good comes bad; there must be balance


I'll talk to the therapist, he'll know what's wrong
                                      aren't you afraid he's just leading you along?
He's there to help when I'm feeling stranded at sea!
                               of course, and foremost, he's there for the money
I've never thought any of this, I'm not the kind
                                     yes you have, it's all at the back of your mind
I just want to know why I'm thinking these things again.
                             just like the last time, it's the beginning of the end

I'm talking to myself, I've lost my ******* mind.
                                               we already had this discussion last time
I'm actually sitting here poisoning my own brain.
                                            Or, maybe, you're saving your life. again.
I'm listening to paranoia like I haven't already dealt with it.
                           boxing it, me, up doesn't count as dealing with ****
........I'm scared.
                                                and that, exactly, is why we're still here

I'm safe here, I'm just fooling myself, right?
                    absolutely, but i'd check every door three times a night
If no one can get in, I'm totally safe.
                              well, there's the people already inside this place...
My mom would never lay a hand on me.
                   of course not; nor would your brother, so option three...
This is ridiculous. The stupidest thing I've thought yet.
                         that's what everyone says right up till the first threat

I'm not going to deal with this.
                                                          tha­t's fine; you'll be sorely missed
I'm grasping at straws and it's pitiful
                                                         ­  or perhaps, **** near insightful
I'm going to sleep, I'm stronger than this nonsense
                                   but you sleep so deeply, where's your defense?
I hate this. I hate this. Why am I thinking this ****?
                       *it's because you're right, you are, you ******* know it

Soft and smooth, I am not
married yet but
the bed knows me
well.

Jazz hands, sucker
punch, daintily like
ballet -- I am in
full bloom.

Crescendo with my
fingertips, petunia,
rose. The bed knows
me well.

Warm, disgust,
the ****** of the orchestra.
Plush, a slight stir
and a deep breath.

I marry in the bowels
of the night, ink,
glint stars. Lovingly and
pressing, I do
my own.

People ask me what it’s like to find women sexually attractive
Often I’m an outcast for liking the same ***
But in the lesbian world I’m an outcast for liking men too
It’s confusing really
There is no way to explain the way women are
And why they are so appealing to me
Not only is their outside appearance alluring and beautiful
But their insides are vulnerable, broken, and insecure
I like that, seeing a women shattered because of society
I like the honesty that encloses them in a blanket of insecurity
Men on the other hand
Well, they are strong and handsome on the outside
And a bit more emotional than you’d expect on the inside
There really isn’t a reason why I’m attracted to both sexes
I just am, I was born this way I suppose
I say I suppose because I am not quite sure
how the whole human nature and sexuality thing works
Men and women are both appealing
Their minds differ so much that I crave both
Call me selfish;
Because I am
I crave to know human nature in any form it comes
Man or woman, I will not judge

Here I am crying - having thoughts about how you could have just been an alcoholic & I was just yet another bottle .
How I know you're ******* me over yet I stay & love you unconditionally .
I just guess I'm in denial of the fact that you've hurt me once & still know you could be hurting me - cheating & lying.
Everyday you tell me 'you love me' but never is there a day you'll show your love & affection by doing the sweetest and simplest things such as calling me on the phone or even telling the world I'm yours . I guess I’m just a question that would hurt for you to answer.
I deserve your apologies for a lifetime but you don't definitely don't deserve me , my forgiveness nor  my love .  My heart made an excuse for why I should stay .
I can't keep crying for a love I deserve. I promised I'd never let somebody break me like you did but ironically I've been breaking myself by staying throughout this journey .
Here I know I can write you love letters you don't deserve because I'm no longer addicted to the possibilty of us 'forever' At least I got some heart-wrenching stories out of it.
You formed yourself into my habit, like daily tea cups , your absence made my heart grow its own flowering garden.  

But one thing I always remember ; Your heart isn’t meant to beat for anyone but yourself.