i like to think that someone saved me
i keep thinking that someone's there to tell me that I, being the strong girl that I am, can do this
my mouth have longed hope to utter these fragmented feelings to someone, anyone:
thank you for being there for me;
thanks for not giving up on me;
and thank you, thank you for staying with me, even if I gave you all the reason to just walk away from me

all parts of me keep dreaming
and like everyone who can't outlive reality and only reach things through dreaming
i don't want to wake up

i don't want to go back to that time
when I was too tired of waiting to be asked, 'how are you', that I just outright tell people how I'm feeling
and they only offer silence, thinking that for someone as resilient like me, it would suffice
after all, strongs can take on anything that come their way
even the overused I-don't-know-what-to-say silence

what do you do when
they still refuse to accept that strong people
no matter how strong they think they are
bend at times
they do refuse to break
but that doesn't mean that life's *****
doesn't make a dent on their soul
and i, thinking that i've given up on a lot of things before, refuse to give up convincing them that i needed help
i want them to help me
that when i say, 'i am strong'
i don't really feel like it
i just said that because no one else seemed inclined to say the very words to me
and i, in contrast, seemed to feel the need to hear them
an assurance that
i am not the only one who keeps thinking that way


even my lungs seem to think
that i don't need oxygen
to live |and to die|
it uses the overabundance of unspoken words to fuel the fading lights inside me

what do you do when only you thinks that you can't do it all by yourself?

Its hard to write a poem when you don’t feel anything
I’m not quite numb
But nor am I happy or sad
I’m just here

Its hard to write a poem when you aren’t sad
I try to describe the feeling of everything but nothingness
But all that comes out is not how I feel
I try to describe the feeling of having a ******* cloud over you
But thats not what I say
And I try to describe how it feels to have a blade across your skin
But whats comes is misplaced words

Its hard to write a poem when you aren’t happy
I try to describe the feeling of love when my girlfriend holds my hand
But all that comes out, is nothing like how it feels
I try to describe the way she plays with my hair and the love in her eyes
But all that comes out is mumbled words with a stutter
I try to describe how she lights up my day
But all that turns into is sadness

Its hard to write a poem when you don’t feel anything
When I’m as happy as can be
But I still want to cut
Its hard to write a poem when you don’t even know your own feelings

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

she never
dreamed
of becoming
an angel

she
just wanted
to fly
and somehow

if
possible
touch the

         o      u
     l                d
c                         s

no, she
never dreamed
of going
nor entering
heaven
(she doesn't know if it even exists)

she
just wanted
to leave
the grounds
for a while
and see if
the fluctuations
are worth one's salt

-she's taking the biggest risk of her life

Carry the burden beneath my body
Throw the aches into the sea
Cry for the pieces forever gone
You won't be excepted from the pain.

Do not let the tears fall
Do not try to turn your back
Blood and sweat and wounds
Are all meant to scar your soul.

Never try to escape
For entrances and exits do not
Have any difference at all
Howl from pain, that's all you can do.

Do you not understand?
You are created to be destroyed
And given life to taste death
Always . . . always remember to to unbound the chains.