one time he and i were sitting in bed and i said "where do you feel stuff?" and he said "what do you mean?" and i said "here is anxiety," and i pointed to my bottom ribs where the glass in my body starts.

he pointed to his throat "it's here for me."
i keep anger in my calves, he holds it in his hands.
i feel sadness in my lungs, he feels it in his stomach. we play this game until we come to love and i realize i'm terrified (jugular) of what might come.
what if it's not the same, what if he feels it somewhere else. what if it's just a flash fire not a slow burn, what if it's congealing in one place instead of radiating.

i try to change topics (flight response: jaw) and he takes my hands and puts them over his ribs.
"i feel love everywhere. like the sun is trying to escape me, like i'm being consumed and it's filling up all the parts where i used to be empty."

i say "don't be ridiculous, humans are 99% empty space." i nervous laugh (my glass ribs break) and I shift awkwardly, like i always do when i'm uncomfortable (legs)

"everywhere" he repeats and he holds his gaze with mine.

i hate this
i feel like everything inside of me
is fractured.
i am fractured.

the rest of me still lies with you.
my whole,
it lies with you.

i feel so sad.

everything i am is intertwined
with you.
and yet everyone expects
me to split my soul
and still go on
as if i am complete.

when i'm not.

when i'm broken in pieces
some of which are missing
are with you
you you you you you you you

i love you so ******* much, okay?

i can't just let go.

i don't want to lose that much of myself
when i had just found out
who she was,
and her purpose
while loving you.

When your eyes are forced to be wide open
but your heart is clamped and shut tight.

The east branch of the Yangtze keeps flowing,
love seeds once sowed forever keep growing
A face in dreams grew blurred to one's eyes,
staying up late to listen to night birds' cries

Spring not yet green,
strands of gray hair having been seen,
a separation too long for the heart to grieve,

The past appears again and again
on the night of the fabulous Lantern Festival.

There are a few things in life
so beautiful they hurt:
swimming in the ocean while it rains,
reading alone in empty libraries,
the sea of stars that appear when you're
miles away from the neon lights of the city,
walking in the wilderness,
all the phases of the moon,
the things we do not know about the universe,
and you.

The rains have their oceans
and the sun has it's moon....
everything
  needs a
reason for
  falling

*and I
have you.

i’d written line after line
about the look in your eyes
the way i felt like i could die
but what’s the point now
in all those wasted words?
when all that’s left hurts.

Everything is so hard,

to know what's right
but to do what's wrong

is the nature of creatures,
low and high

no need
for racial, gender
slurs or stereotypes

you've got your desires
and I've got mine;
amidst our starry eyes,

there are demons inside

no need to shove me,
no need to
make me cry,

your presence
is enough,
to wither me away inside

but sometimes
I feel like
wanting to fight back,

because we all deserve a new
day to live,
and who are
you to take that day,

when you only take,
but

don’t know how to give,

it may not be your fault
that you turned out this way,

but I’ll tell you
it certainly
wasn’t my fault either,

so who are you to say
that
I’ve got problems, flaws,

and you’ll break me
to the bone,
when you too

have always
been alone, dry and empty,

always left on your own,

but somehow it makes
you feel better

to hurl
insults carved in stones,

instead of
reaching out

and finding others
to be with
so you wouldn’t ever

have to be alone.

Another day older, another day bolder.
But they never mentioned
it'd be this much colder.

Some people,
Are angelic. Graceful. Godly.
They are otherworldly
In their beauty

And others
They are hell and heaven
On Earth
Imperfect and rough
Around the edges
With witchcraft
Under their skin

i hate endings.
i'm not a lover of beginnings either,
but the story
the stuff in between?
it grabs me so hard, and shakes me by the
shoulders sometimes.

i'm thankful for our in between.
even if the ending is tearing me
to shreds.
even if the clumsiness of our beginning still
runs miles through my head

scene/after/scene/after/poem/after-
(YOU CAN RIP MY HEART OUT, I STILL LOVE YOU)


*i'll be that girl who always waits for the sequel- no matter how long it takes for it to come. i promised you always, i promised you...