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Nikki Feb 2019
wrapped. entangled. intertwined.
but undeniably terrified
airy. light. entranced.
without even a second glance

the restlessness; the anxiety
the sheer lack of sobriety
devour the last of my fear
watch the cloud disappear
Nikki Feb 2019
there's no explanation as to why i continue
why i was so set on you
the high hopes and continuous let downs  
lying would be that i never swore you off
that i haven't lied
that i fell for you long before i knew i did

what you do with that information
is ultimately up to you
Nikki Feb 2019
my mind starts to drift and the walls seem to fade
as the wind placidly calms; my heart became staid.
every sense of you lingers; touch, smell and taste
begging for your hands secured around my waist.

vulnerable. susceptible.
safe. protected.

i'm terrified but excited; so eager to be frightened

these butterflies i refuse to ignore.
it's been awhile since i've written and of course it's about you
Nikki Aug 2018
In the darkness that covers me I can see a few little stars

The brightness that still burns amidst hopelessness, the shame, the self resentment

Little stars still burn to show me

That there is hope somewhere in the universe

Little stars still burn to show me

That I still have time to make this right

I may not have the ability to change your mind - but I can change mine
Nikki Jan 2016
What were you thinking when you laid eyes on me
Please, tell me - what is it now that you see?
Do you see my emotions? Can you see right through?
Do I have anything left? Or am I transparent to you?
So used to the suffering, So used to regret.
I keep moving forward with the hopes I'll forget.
You do not fully understand the chains I bare
Slicing me open, convinced the damage is beyond repair.
But, if there is anything that I have learned -
All cuts heal, by nature or if burned.
Nikki Sep 2015
I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to live.
There is nothing more that this body can give.
I’ve lost the fight - I’ve been defeated
I deserve this - this is how I should be treated

This is excruciating, agonizing - downright unbearable
I hate myself and my life is ******* terrible

I just want to give up - throw in the towel
I look in the mirror and what I see is foul

Just let me go

Just let me be

Let me **** this body so I don’t have to struggle to breathe.
Nikki Aug 2015
Sometimes I find myself wondering how my life would be if you were still alive.
I know that you’re gone, but most of the time I still feel you here. I still feel you on the other side of the phone.
Recently, I wonder what he would say to me if I could hear him in heaven. I wonder what kind of advice he has, or some silly joke.
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