When we wake up feeling heavy and pass through time less than
steady,
We often say it's just been one of those days,
a day our hearts decide to play the song of a sad
soul,
usually the reason being unknown,
wishing we could feel more grown or stop being grown,
looking to others for the answer,
the cure,
to this longing ache of sadness, or loneliness,
confusion perhaps,
this unexplainable feeling that never fails to stop us in our
tracks,
almost seeming to completely darken our path,
making it difficult to see past, when things will feel more
okay,
today's present,
tomorrow's not even going to last,
so we continue to hold onto that bit of hope that tells us
to not stray and push through all our faults,
suffocate our sorrows with our laughs,
and burn our anger with the warmth of the ones we love,
yet we continue to allow this feeling to have
mass,
enough to bring us down,
for even just right now,
we give it that right to play a part in our
heart, but then again,
I guess it's just one of those days..

Oh how you speak to me through the music of others,
I then practice this pattern and continue
to preach,
how I am feeling in this way, and on this day,
when I'm at a loss for words or thought
and cannot figure out what to say,
you beseech me to begin healing,
I begin peeling, no
pulling back the surface of my soul,
hoping it will be the start of getting rid of this toll,
as painful as it is to look inside your own mind,
your broken and beaten down spirit,
desperately just trying to find guidance in
hopes that maybe one day you'll be loved
and seen as more than just,
Just another body walking amongst the
rest of mankind,
because you allow yourself to feel that
you are different,
Yet your mind continues to stay ignorant
and blind,
to your already keen eye,
for you are special, it's only a matter of
time before you realize
you're the one you've been wanting to feel
loved by,
Something that can only be seen beyond the surface of
others eyes,
And past these creatures terribly,
beautiful minds.

To be blinded by
the lack of knowledge
and vital information,
suddenly causing this unavoidable and unignorable
burning sensation,
this inflammation riled
up in my chest
not knowing what to say
next,
because your misguided thoughts
have out bested you once more
convincing you,
"you can't really know for sure the way... they feel about you"
keeping your mind from
ever being at rest
nonetheless, you have to wear
a brave face because one too
many times before you've been made to look
like a **** fool and
it's only ever left you an absolute mess..

I'd like to say that I'm sorry for having hurt your hearts,
to those of you that actually tried with me,
who continue to try,
and have exposed the darkest depths of your soul to me,
I'm sorry for not feeling anything anymore once I receive from you, the only thing I was after,
I understand it's a cliche to say or admit that I've just been hurt too often before,
but I swear to you all,
it was never my intention to leave your hearts sore,
it's been hard for me to keep those feelings I had at one point in time,
fighting, so rigorously,
to hold onto something that I always felt was going to decline,
sooner rather than later,
realizing nothing ever lasts or stays in that sublime state,
holding in all this hate, not towards you,
but towards myself..
Subconsciously backing off because I too,
am afraid to fall,
into this pit of feelings and heartaches,
convincing my mind that I probably shouldn't call...

sitting up,
i mean laying down at 2 a.m.,
these intrusive thoughts once again so rudely knocking on the walls of my mind and barging in through the doors,
keeping me up longer,
when all i crave is slumber,
trying to control my breathing in hopes that i'll finally fall under,
listening to the same song on repeat,
one after another, they yank on my heart strings,
these oh so rude thoughts,
wishing i could clean out my brain and make things to be much more neat,
because these thoughts, these things i am feeling,
make my heart race and my stomach tighten,
desperately wanting these memories to brighten,
but i can't help when my anxiety creeps up in the dead of the night,
shaking me to the core,
once more leaving my heart sore.

I'm sitting here,
reflecting on how our world is in shambles,
taking a gamble with our lives,
looking back on all the stories my daddy told me about the end days
from the Bible,
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth,
feeling so dissatisfied with all I've done,
just hoping and praying I end up where I
**** well know I don't deserve,
Unable to fathom this aching uselessness I've been feeling,
Too many ready to ****,
thinking it's righteous because it's in the name of another life,
but it no longer is, is it?
For those who felt purposeless, now have a purpose,
playing follow the leader,
but at the end of this game,
there is no jolly prize,
the price to rise in such ways is a game
of life and death,
But I suppose at the end of the day
that's a game we've always been willing to play.

Forgetting, or seemingly forgetting to remember how to breathe, when all you're able to do is find yourself enraptured in past thoughts,
the darker places in your mind,
it becomes more difficult to remember how to do something we've all been doing since the start of our lives,
Maybe just taking a moment to breathe is all I need
to feel even just a little more free,
perhaps this fogginess in my mind,
and this clamping weight upon my chest
will go away,
and my thoughts might become more clear for me to see,
because lately I've been forgetting how to do the simpler things,
just breathe.