“Would you like to guide my inspiration?” He asked
“For sure, can you write about the dark?
Where sadness stays and colors tend to be grey
But of course blue and darker shades
Also found their shelter warm & safe

Can you write about its beauty?
Sadness is too attractive to me
His deep husky voice, his haunting look
His mystery tattoos, the way he move
His long fingers, his thick, shining hair
Stimulating my desire of keeping him all just for me

And in his kingdom of darkness
He nurtures me as his only mistress
Where he treats me as the utmost queen
Where my fear, anger, nervousness
Seen the highest, unconditional love of him

Can you write about our story?
To tell the world how magical loving sadness can be
When he spreads his warm, enchanting blanket
And covers me a long, sweating sleep
Any girls searching for an escaping gate
Will probably falling fast
Into his world of dreamy lust

But can you save me from him?
“cause there is another me screaming-ing-ing
She wants to run away with you, the poet
And live in real life, have real dream
Of waking up together after a wildest physical love
Of kissing passionately by the sea
While wind & wave perform their utmost soft music
To celebrate our beautiful love affair.

Have you ever wondered
About the youth of your parents
How do they look like
How have they been brought up
How did they meet
How did they fall in love?
How did they make us?

I had these questions with me since i grow up
Probably because my parents aren't that open up
Probably because they were so busy raising us up
Probably because its an Asian thing i assumed privacy as such.
So somehow, to me, parents’ life before us were so blurry and doesn't seem to ever existed
Not until the day i had my mom on the back of the scooter
As we rode to the temple where we store the leftover of our beloved dad

She told me about their past
A young guy in his teenager days
Lay eyes on her as they met on a communal working day
He asked for her hand before summoned military service
Not directly to her but through a relative
She forgot him as soon as she left for college
Busy chasing her love life, never heard from him in thousand days, he was too far away.

When the war over, he returned home, she was working in a distant village
He refused my grandpa’s arrangement, went on a journey to seek
For his first and only girl he ever fallen in love with
He found mom after her 5 or 6 failure romances.
They started distant relationship for a while before getting married.
She continued working in the faraway village and he returned to military service
To serve in another “nonsense war” (this is my words)

And honestly i still cant imagine how did they make us
‘Cause i never seen them holding hands, showing affection in front of us
But its real - they do fall in love
They do have their heyday before us

And even though i never seen them talking about love
I now realized its just a different way of showing how they love
By fighting; yet, taking care of each other for better or worse
By sometimes hurting each other...
But at the end of the day, one can change other’s diaper when he can no longer move

I cant tell if he was the love of her life when she decided to tight the knot.
But looking at her shivering shoulder, her teary eyes now every time we talk
About our beloved and only man
and whatever reminded us of him
I can think of nothing to explain but love

Have you ever wondered
How did our parents live before having us?
And how would you tell your future children
About your youth...

My thoughts went to you when i woke up this morning
I see your confusion, i see your mindly fight
I see you being in the midst
of finding purposes, of achieving peace for inner mind

You have walked half of your journey on this earth
You have traveled across the globe
You have read thousands of philosophy books
You made those decisions majority wouldn't dare to try

But right now you are at the point
Of experiencing another defeat
another grief
And with all the doubts, hatred rising inside
You felt like you are hopeless
And that time slipping through your fingers
And you have no energy to confine

I wonder what life wanted to tell you through all this
Maybe, its time to slow down?
To look deep inside and to go back
to find your inner child and reconcile?
For i think the root is self love
the only dose to heal broken pieces inside...

She said she hated it when her husband said you are so ****
She said she hated it when her husband gave compliments on her physical body
And I saw tears on her eyes as she pouring her heart out to me
And i know she really meant it...

And i wonder how much pain this woman carries inside
Her inner wounds, her bleeding scars waiting to arise
Out of the quiet surface showing to public
How chaos and messy her entire world would be
when she felt into this stage of self-destructive

And i know everybody has their own fight
We all struggle one way or another in our life
But i do feel so much sadness hearing her said
"I wished i wouldn't be pretty so that nightmare didn't happen to me"
And i wanted to tell her so much that
Her beauty wasn't the root
Of that ugly tragedy happened in her younger dates

Though i know how far she has gone
On her path of healing this intensively painful past

i would still want to tell her that
Denial does not work
As right now she is denying
This particular compliment her husband wanna give
To a woman he sees as the only beauty on this earth
And i would still want to tell her
Even though he doesn't give
The kind of compliment she prefers to receive
This is somehow, a kind of therapy she needs to practice

To acknowledge her own beauty physically, emotionally as she is
And to learn how to receive compliments
The real one, regardless of the forms they come in place
since people giving compliment might not be good at warping gifts

But in the end, its the love they want her to get
love to heal
to console
to strengthen
to make change

those deepest unseen wounds she is carrying around
along her journey on this planet...