The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do?

It wasn’t letting you go.

That was difficult though, to swallow my pride and wear a smile to hide the fact I’m not okay.

Oh no, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do? Was finally admit to myself the truth.

It was admitting that you were never mine to begin with.

Why isn’t sadness beautiful to you?
Why is it only pretty faces and skinny waists?
Why isn’t longing beautiful to you?
Why do you grind people down until they turn into paste?

Why isn’t anger beautiful to you?
Why don’t you love the passion burning in their eyes?
Will you ever get to see the love that they’re too scared to pursue?
Why do you only love what comes with a shiny prize?

It’s only pretty little flowers that you don’t know the meaning of,
It’s only stolen landscapes that you don’t know,
Or that handsome boy in the movie you just saw a screening of.
You just tie up all the “negatives” in a plastic bow.

Staying ignorant, just like usual.
Why can’t I be beautiful?

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Harsh words said.
Feelings hurt.
Yet I do not know,
How it all began.

Why did I burst.
Now I feel like dirt.
Hateful Words like released arrows
Can never be taken back.

Emotions came flooding;
Like river from a broken dam.
Destroying everything;
Nothing stood a chance.

Grief followed anger,
Guilt replaced arrogance.
A moment's silence
Could have averted it all.

Even after mindless devastation;
My pride is not giving in.
To defeat my ego,
I muster courage and apologize.

Do you remember?
When we used to play together
When we ran in the garden, no care about the weather
When you were always by my side
When we were sad
When we were glad

Do you remember?
All the happiness we could've shared
All the times we could've cared
All the pain and love we held
If we were together
We would've remembered

But in the end
None of this is true
None of this happened
There's only one truth
You didn't die at birth
You were born an angel
But God, for me, is dead
Because he killed you
But let me live instead.