Trying new things is scary, and being brave enough to give if your all is hard.
But I did it.
I spent hours drawing him, and it was perfect.
He didn't seem to care.
I tried to take pride in my art but when he treated it as mediocre I just felt disappointed and stupid.
It was even more of a let down since I expected it to be met with enthusiasm.
But he barely gave it a second glance.
I wonder if I'll ever muster the courage to try again.
I really hope so.

He loves me
I think our definitions of love keep changing
And that's my favorite part
I love him more now than I did 6 years ago
I love him more now than I did 3 months ago
Maybe even a few days ago
Our knowledge of love grows as we do
And we never stop growing
I paid for our relationship with a part of me that didn't work in it
I don't feel a sense of loss anymore
I love myself as I am now more than I did before I was his
I love who he is with me now more than I loved him 6 years ago, before he had fully become mine
I guess that's the point
We sacrificed the incompatible parts of ourselves because we loved eachother more than ourselves
I love him more than myself
He loves me more than himself
So we changed for eachother
We trimmed off the dead parts
We died and were born new
Sometimes it even feels like we became eachother
Our love feels ancient, safe, and warm
I am happy
My soul feels complete
I married you
I will love you forever

My aversion to sleep is ironic.
I would love to be sleeping right now.
It's just... that constant, unavoidable, uncomfortable consequence.
Waking up.
Sleep is a painless high, and waking up is a bucket of cold water.
Everyday I allow myself to be doused with reality.
Wouldn't death just be a high you never have to wake from?

I'm lying awake
My body is still
The silence is loud
I just took a pill
I'm trying to be patient
As I wait for sleep
But gut twisting emotions
Pierce me deep
I'm writing as an excuse
To not succumb
To put off waking up
I don't want to see the sun

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I can appreciate the beauty in everyone now that I'm older
When I was in my young teens I marvelled at cookie cutters
But my eyes now crave to take in all sorts of shapes sizes and colors

That girl doesn't look a bit like kim k
but her smile is so genuine it takes your breath away
She isn't a perfect hourglass and her eyes aren't baby blue
But in the light her brown eyes look like flowing honey and her body is soft and true

We learn to label certain things as better than others to the point of a fault

People will call a girl ugly because her nose isn't small enough or her ***** aren't the right size
I only regret that sooner I didn't open my eyes

Caress my cool soft skin
Over my abdomen
There is beauty in the female form, I now realize
I see it reflected in your eyes
I feel power exuding from myself
As you gaze at me, afterwards.
I bask in the power I have to pull your attention
And I gaze back.
Lost in our infinite moment of serene bliss