do it for the ***** Laura
yes
sore for all the reasons
because sometimes i want
a **** that destroys jeans
and all forms of pants unequivocally
feel powerful

workout the body
and rip the peanut butter lid off the jar
proclaim to the universe
i have something that you should all stare
at

i
go home
and
eat chips and salsa
and
think nothing of it

You matter,
If not to me,
Then to someone,
And if not to anyone at all,
I hope at least to yourself.
You may not know this,
But you're laugh is like music
And it plays in people's heads
Long after you leave the room.
Your eyes are what inspire love poems,
Poems that don't ever do them justice,
Someone is thinking about those eyes right now.
If your sadness is going unnoticed,
That doesn't make it any less valid,
I hope you find a warm shoulder to cry on soon.
Your pain is not a sign of weakness,
And I'm sorry if you feel ashamed of it,
You are lovable, not "despite of" but "because of"
Your body is beautiful because it is yours,
It is holding you together right now,
It is lovable, you are loving, so love it.
You are as magical as Christmas mornings,
As miraculous as the universe you live in,
As awe-inspiring as sunsets over oceans.
You exist.
And I love that about you.

to be honest -
lots of penises
lots of them
worked out sort of

stepped on a jellyfish
stabbed myself on a broken mirror
by accident
ate a lot of donuts

pet a dog
hung out with cats
hung out with good people
a few of them
hung out with bad people
lots of them

ran away from a boyfriend
complained about nothing
got a lappytoppy finally
complained about trump

cut my hair and its still annoying
me with its definition
fell in love with a girl
then immediately regretted it

that sort of stuff

when I visit
my previous home
I’m welcomed back
with a kick in my stomach
so I bow
thank you for having me back
where do you want me
but while I bow
the fog in my head clears up
so I turn around
and run
as far away as I can
but I can never get myself
to throw away
the key

I can see it in your eyes
hear it from your mouth
feel it in the air
I see it taking over
your body
demanding control of
everything
I want to say
you don’t have to be

but I think I’d look silly
talking to a mirror

I went on a walk today. My feet led me to a place past the horizon where light and darkness where at a simple harmony. They coexisted in a way I hadn’t learned to do with myself, with an ease that made me envious.

I went on a walk today and my chest felt heavy for my legs to carry. It was suspended past the dome of my ribs, inflated to a point of discomfort so I crossed my arms atop it just to hold it in place for fear it would explode at any moment. My tears fought for release and I tried to convince them it was not I holding them captive but my heart, this cave made of snow beating icicles in to my veins.

I went on a walk today and I felt neither the cold nor the warmth of the consecutive hours. It simply swooshed past me without a second glance. I watched it leave with awe wondering if my ghost status had inverted to official that even ethereal beings would not acknowledge me.

I went on a walk today and saw a flock of birds and saw one seating on the phone wire away from its group. I stared at it and felt its eyes on me, and for a moment their was an instant familiarity. That was the moment I realized loneliness was a language, only few could understand but still, a language.

i loved to paint using your colour.

i’d go day and night, from one canvas to another, using different shades of you to paint all kinds of pictures.

i never lost any ideas.
i never had to find inspiration.
it all just comes to me whenever i look at you.

one day, i woke up colour blind. and unfortunately, it’s in your colour.

all the paintings, all the sketches, all the canvasses that were of your colour, plastered, hanged, and taped all over my walls doesn’t make sense anymore.

it was all grey. all dull. a colour i know existed but never really tried using before.

i tried searching for your colours in the things you’ve touched. the words you’ve said. i searched everywhere but whenever i do think your colour will come back, my eyes revert to reality.

now you’re just a memory.

your colour will only exist inside my mind.

those shades i loved. the pigments i crave to achieve every time i stroke my brush. it’s all in my head now.

it’s been years now. your colour isn’t as bright as i thought my memory would remind me of.

i paint with a different colour now.

actually, i paint with all the colours now except yours.

all those nights i spent painting, it’s with every colour i come across but yours.

now my wall’s full of colour again. all from different parts of me. colours i never knew existed.

now,

i’m happy. i’m content.

i’m colourful.