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Eppie Apr 2018
yesterday, tomorrow, before and after

i want what i want, but what i want doesn’t matter

trying not to sink into the low places

pouring static sound into the empty spaces

between my ears, behind my eyes, to the bottom of my skull

i want what i want, and i want to be whole.
Eppie Mar 2018
i want to be happy
so much that i

push in everything so close
until it squeezes
my lungs

i pull out the sequins
ripping fabric away
until there is nothing left
but the frame of my heart
uncovered and untouched.

i push away fears
like bad memories
with temporary remedies
lost dreams in my sleep.

i want to be happy
so much that it’s
killing me.
Eppie Mar 2018
break the seal:
pull back, twisting the knife.
pull back, words too fast.
pull back like there’s no stains
in the carpet, on the walls, on my skin.
pull back, no shimmer in the eyes.

retreat like dying armies
into shadows, deep unknown;
creatures with sharp teeth
speaking soft words
that wrap around my throat
like unbroken plastic seals.
pull back, pull back, pull back.
Eppie Feb 2018
Coffee is bitter like
stomach acid burns
when bile rises up
from god's laughing throat.

He who woke up the sleepers.
Those who dream in paradise.
Dreaming with unseeing eyes,
serene smiles, bleeding, breathing,
competing for conscious time.

Awake to this stinging feeling, like
teething, skin peeling, ears ringing;
no sound, no silence, ambient fuzz.

Let me live in a dream.
Let my thoughts blur into
Eppie Nov 2017
i want to rest where your pupil meets the iris
i want to sleep in the corners of your smile
curling up for a long while
let the scars on your skin be the story i read
every imperfection a footprint in your journey
i want to see heaven beam through your teeth
i'll hear the sunlight in your voice when you sing
sweet nectar coating your timbre

with you around me
i'm content just existing
Eppie Nov 2017
i'm trapped inside my own head
bed-ridden, paralyzed with dread
dream sequences, flashbulb memories
keep me from forgetting
everything, anything
that drenches me in cold sweat.

is it too much to ask
to be spared from anxiety attacks?
is it too much to ask
to not be frozen inside flashbacks?

apparently it is
i'm in a state of perpetual fear
i have been asleep for years
i'm screaming from inside
the echo chamber of my mind:
let (let)
me (me)
out (live)

is it too much to want to live?
apparently it is
Eppie Nov 2017

chew me up, spit me out
break me into bits
shred me into scraps
do whatever it takes
to make me fall apart.

i'll rise from ashes
i'll glue myself together
piece by tiny piece
every little microbe
every drop of blood.

like kintsugi art
there is beauty
where the cracks are
there is gold in my veins
there is stitchwork in my cells
there is inferno in my heart.


break me down, build me up
transform, rebirth, rearrange me
make me resilient
make me relentless
make me right

make me new
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