Pen in hand poised
Anticipating as though it might spill some wisdom onto these pages
It hovers there for ages
And only bumbling babbling fills each line
Fine line between the two I dare say
I’m so tired at the end of this day
Maybe I will
just keep scribbling sleepy silliness
Really I’d like to be less demanding
To need less from every word.
It’s not as though these mindless notes will be heard by masses
Don’t need to fill the spaces
My glass is empty
I have no profound notions
I’m dry of emotions
I just wanted to write
And let the ink spill until this little page was full
Of nothing but rambling rhymes
It’s passed a little time
And I’ve made a silly something that’s mine
No pattern
That’s fine
Not defined
Just mine

My thoughts never rest
And in them she nests
She’s so comfortable there
Stealing my air
So I’m breathing her essence
Always feeling her presence

I think I feed her too well
She can feast and dwell
In premium space
Consuming all trace
Of my sanity
Insanity
She creeps

I’m not really insane
But don’t we all play this game?
We keep her at bay
But know she could have her way
If given the chance
We all let her dance
And toy with our thoughts
We enjoy her taunts
Tease our sanity
But insanity
She creeps

If I could just escape the sticky binds, the glue
Take new shape above landscape to find a birds eye view
But I’m buried so deep in this riddle
Mind enslaved to keep me in the middle
In a haze I circle lost in endless maze
Fear breeds so easily in confusion
From in here It appears there’s no solution
How easy it would be
To plot a route and be free
If a bird would just lend me its eyes
Or if, for a moment, on its wings I could fly
Then how this maze would loose its enchanting grip
No longer crazed
From it’s vicelike hold I could slip.
How assuring it might be to know the outcome of each turn
But then how boring to move forwards with never anything to learn
Each corner holds an untold story
Though torn we choose
Towards loss or glory
Never to know what might have been
Never shown the paths we haven’t seen
We face doubts
Regrets
We place our bets
Can’t be certain
Can’t go back
Don’t know what’s lurking
What might attack
But of one thing we can sure
We’ll never find a cure
For the condition of the human mind
Causing it to always find the time
To question our every action
Sending ourselves into distraction
Over all the things that can’t be changed
It’s just the way we’ve always behaved!

You’re always there
in the darkest part of my eye
Giving meaning to all I behold
On the earth and in the sky

All light and colour pours in
on to the shape of you, through you
Before the minds eye
Can form an image that’s true

What sense can be made of life
Without you dwelling there
I keep you and cherish you
And so find you everywhere

There you live in my eye
I wonder at how you magnify what might be so small
How you atomise what might have made me fall
All things at once- intensified and simplified
Whilst there you live
Whilst there you abide

What we think we know
Will only go to show - we don’t
We shrink every time we think we’ve grown
We’re simple and slow
Submit to an illusion and in the confusion feel taller
True growth is an intrusion and only makes you feel smaller
Can’t expand nor extend
To infinity’s end
But we stand and pretend
To understand and comprehend
But all that’s discovered
Reveals even more uncovered
The abundance proposed
Makes us redundant, exposed
We like things enclosed
So our minds stay closed
We’re merely superimposed
Into small worlds we’ve composed
We want to believe we’ve understood
Never conceiving all we should
Can’t see the trees - for the wood
We imagine we’re building something good
Loose our childhood
Pursuing a livelihood
Our blood is only coded with part of us
Our life force is loaded with more than this.
Line after line is written in rhyme
Lyrical magicians have tried to define
In rhythmic patterns sublime
We try, we try
An immense power moves through our essence
Ever reduced and cleverly condensed
I feel incensed by the pretence
We abuse without recompense
Virtue is compressed
True beauty suppressed
We feel less, and less!
So self absorbed. We want to be adored
We cut the cord and can’t be cured
We fail to ever really be whole
We impale, even sever our dreary souls
Needlessly faking what’s ours for free
Forsaking true power
We cower and flee
We think our humanity weak
We don’t even want what’s real
Can’t afford to feel
Don’t see the price of ‘care-free’
We simply can’t bare
To truly care
So we stare into space
And don’t know how to face
The sheer vastness that we effortlessly fail to embrace

I’m a semi schooled fool
Who got given a few tools
Got sold some ideals
And taught what to feel
I unraveled a few reels
To find something more real
I hear - ‘tread carefully’
And we learn to step warily
Each step is new
And we only get a few
We seek unfounded stability
Till we’re grounded to futility
Everything that’s still
Is just something to fill
With endless crap that we’re told
Will make us feel whole
But life’s teaching me
While society’s cheating me
I’ve learnt to behave
So that I live as a slave
This vast universe
Moves like rhythm and verse
Like music it flows
Beautifully composed
We can learn to be mobile
But the balance is fragile
Gain stability and loose mobility
Gain mobility at the cost of stability
Start making new rules
Compose your own life’s tune
Give yourself a stable beat
One that forces you to move your feet

Some anniversaries
Don’t stir good memories
It’s just another day
No different in any way
Than all the others that have past
Since that day that was your last
It’s just a date
Why does it hold such weight?
Time spins it’s wheel
How can I know what to feel
When a portal is opened
To all that hateful emotion
As if I’ve gone back in time -
Time
ticks on in a straight line
But my head moves through space
Taking me back to that place
Reliving dark memories
On this anniversary

But I won’t hover here
Won’t linger too near
To fury’s fierce grasp
I’ll pause to raise a glass
I’ll lift it high
Try not to drown in the ‘why’
Find space to remember you
Leaving darkness less room