The obsession you have with the size of your hips.
They should be smaller,
Don't you think?
Oh, and be sure to do whatever it takes to have that thigh gap.
It's so worth it.
That thigh gap.
The more space the better.
The emptiness of your body.
The jutting collar bones.
Feeling dizzy.
Feeling depressed.
Worth every inch lost off your waist.
It is worth your once full and lushious hair now falling out like dead leaves.
Because you're dying.
You are killing yourself.
But it's all fine.
You're obsessed with telling yourself that it's all under control.
Isn't it?
Theres no sleep at night.
Not when your anxiety is this intense.
Not when your up planning how to skip the rest of the weeks meals.
Use that time to be productive.
Like right now.
Lying awake... obsessing.
Obsessing.
Obsessing.
But it's s all fine, right?
Because that thigh gap.
And bony fingers.
You're deliriously falling over every **** time you stand, and you think it's all still fine now?
You think it's still worth it?
Isn't it?

I haven't felt anything since the last time you were here
In my room
In my bed
Your body on my body
And I missed you while you kissed my neck
I missed you while you were still here

I don't know how to explain what it was like
But I know it was the same for you too
Touching me
Holding onto me
The last time you were here
In my bed


And I haven't felt anything since the last time you were here

Crumpled like another page torn out of your journal.
Almost like I wasn’t good enough.
Am I not good enough?

If you didn’t like me, just toss me out
Crinkle and tear me to shreds
Thats how this feels
And years from now
Many years
You know I’ll still be yours
I’ll still be a page from your journal
Your feelings
Your love
The things that you decided you didn’t want anymore

When it was all over
I bought more pillows for my bed.

I needed to fill that space again.

You need to know how much you hurt me.

I just want to love and support you because I ******* care. How can you say one minute that you’re so happy and then the next you shut me out like I am nothing. And I do feel like I am nothing. I haven’t even told anyone about us but they all sense something is up and tell me that it isn’t right.

Even my dad, who has never once in his life made it known that he cares about the matters of my heart says that I deserve to be treated better. That he knows what he’s talking about.

I still just want to ******* wake up and hold you and I am so ******* stupid for everything when you just don’t give a **** about me.

How can it be so easy for you to stop talking to me? How can it be better to be alone all night long? How are you unbelievably content in aloneness.  It hurts to realize that maybe I do deserve better. It hurts to have this good thing ripped away from me. That I knew being vulnerable would only end in heartbreak and I did it anyway. Look at us now, is this really how it ends?

It hurts so badly to be waiting here, hoping you’ll come back to me.  Hoping to see you happily walk through some door somewhere. Stupidly hoping to see your beautiful brown eyes light up again when they look at me.

and it hurts and it hurts and it hurts.