I am carrying my umbrella
to a promise of our meet
I am carrying my umbrella
close to pounding heart beat  
I am carrying my umbrella
hope to steal a steamy kiss
I am carrying my umbrella
to cry upon so much amiss
I am carrying my umbrella
for that longed warm embrace
I am carrying my umbrella
to hide my tears,
standing alone in that place.

"You seem a little lost
"where are you headed to miss"
I looked back at the bald monk
his face beaming supple and warm
"I don't know! that is why am here
you have all the wisdom-
so tell me where do I belong.
Monk held my hand,
hand soft like petals of rose
"your path is already mapped
just believe in self and go forth".
"But how do I know if am moving right
what if I fall and never find the light".
Isn't it life to shuffle between white and greys
if I tell you everything
there is no sense in living your days
so fall or fight
slouch or stand upright
it's your life after all
own your defeats and wins however small
you are here, merely to witness the whole.

I painted my sky blue
For you
To paint it
with love
But you came
thundering
to cover it
in all Gray.

I have stopped for a while
to understand where am going
So lost that I had to ask
strangers for directions
though I don't believe their every word
but do I have an option at this crossroad
Mind so filled with preconceived prejudice
that letting go seems like a huge risk
Am afloat holding a rope in the space
Whose end is tied so tight I can't escape.
I am here but not here at all
Am I even moving or standing alone
Is anyone listening reach out if you can
before I let loose into the oblivion.

I love you, yes I love you
No, I am not holding you
Never am I leaving you
Neither am compelling you
Nor I am ever letting you.

I feel you in a cold swirl
Smell you in the soaked drizzle
Deepest seas and vast as sky
My love for you is a full moon tide

I know you don’t remember me
But you exist is all I mean
Without you or with me
You are one with my soul & body.

going home isn’t always
returning to a place.
sometimes
it is returning to yourself.

I click I delete
I write I delete
I save I delete
seems good at deleting stuff
But trust my heart
when I say,
Erasing one and all
is always tough.