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Like do you ever just look at me & say well I'm **** lucky to have you ? Probably not I'm too weird , anyway well I do that with you all the time. I just lay thinking about you every night. I could talk to you all day. We wouldn't even have to say anything to each other really. I crave your touch to the point that my body tenses up for a few seconds. I crave you in general. I don't know what I'd be like without you or where I'd be. You make me so angry when you don't reply after 10 seconds.  You make me feel all I need in my life is you (which isn't really true for anyone in reality) but however you're a big part of me, who I am , & who I wanna become. You mold me. You've shaped me into a person who has things to be proud of. You bring so much happiness into my life I quite often ask myself what did I do to deserve it. I'll never get tired of you. Your flaws are what make you perfect. Everything you do is so unflawed to me. I respect you & your hustle.  I'll be there for you through rags & riches. They're always like "be somebody's Sunday not Saturday Night". You my angel, are my 7 days a week , 24 hours a day 365 days a year. You're just always there. You love me & all my broken pieces even if at times they cut you , you love that scar it gives you too.   Loving you will never get old. But even if it does I'll  find a way to start loving you all over again .... ♡.
Noble people question my identity
I am arrogant, not answerable
They say I lack human's entity
Something physical, sounds sensible
They are noble, I don't question

They do look at me with suspicion
Think I do not conform to the norms
Laugh at my unrealistic intuitions
Don't like my love for Thor and thorns
They are noble, I don't question

'You are more of a gawk' they say
That doesn't disqualify me from being exploited
It's saddening to see myself at bay
Avoiding my source energy to be safe
They are noble, I don't question

But my thinking gives me blast
Everything around, is just past
I am the truth, I will last
Who is noble, I need not ask
The one who exists
I'll close my eyes and pretend
You're the enemy -I'll make you a friend

And I promise I won't complain
I'll suffer -this is my pain

Look up, can you see sixty miles away?
I see a storm, I prefer not to say

I'm learning to embrace my dark
I'll take all the sorrow to create the spark

It's one of those times when it gets hard to believe
But the only thing standing in my way is me

I'm all empty, and I can't find my hope
Everyone says "It's okay" -is that the new vogue?

For all the times I was left on my own
I never fell -instead I learnt a little more
I just want to pack my bags
And vanish
Leave without a trace

Spend the rest of my life
In solitude
Knowing
I'm no longer
A burden to you...
...
Maybe this way I'll find me,
The real me,
The one that lives outside of
These useless broken words
The one that breathes outside of
This loop of a mess that's become
My nightmare and my life all at once
...
Maybe this way I can finally
Throw away my masks
Maybe this way I can finally
Taste freedom
Maybe this way
I might even discover
The meaning of
True happiness

*And maybe this time
I won't run away from it
"She loved mysteries so much that she became one..." Maybe she became one to finally unlock the mysteries of the world...
Front Page (9/13/17)
(Just some scribbles on a lined paper someone will find years from now in the trash...)

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