There's a kind of love
that lets you risk
everything.
And, you'll know it
when you finally
meet it.
This kind of love
can move mountains
and cross the oceans.
This kind of love
is something
worthy to
die for.
Everybody
tells you
it's wrong,
even the whole world
is against you.
It may be
too difficult
at first,
but there he is,
Romeo is fighting
for his Juliet.

Remind me (again) of youth
Share (again) with me freedom
Come, let's play
Or just take me, take me (back)
To where we don't need to talk
About the big, big things
And the future.

you held her like champagne glass
interpolated her with fake intentions
just as how you strategically poured in
your favorite drink not as close to the brink
you knew that every element of her
is delicate, fragile and vulnerable
same as the glass’ gleaming curves,
your face reflected on its surface
just as how you were mirrored
indulging in her caress
from your nape down to your
broad in denial shoulders,
and then you took a sip
took another, enjoyed every moment of it
like how your tongue played with her lips
silenced her mouth while her ears paid attention
to the sound of your breath;
it always tasted sweet,
day by day you craved for it
but suddenly everything turned sour
her heart that was glass
you just dropped without warning
fragments of her were scattered on the cold floor
like trash laying down, abandoned, abhorred
you asked yourself
should you clean up the mess you’ve made?
one step forward, three steps back
you’re indecisive
back and forth like the swaying pendulum
but you just barged out and never took a glance back
left her in broken pieces
wished you could pick them up even if it means
you’ll cut yourself from the shards and make you bleed
because once in a while she used to let herself wound
what's almost been healed,
let those thorns from your numb heart
pricked her again and again
and bled for you, nevertheless, until the end.

there are some nights
when you can’t be asleep
you’re out there partying with your friends
sipping every glass of champagne
jiving to the echoing soundboxes
owning the floor, like a dancing queen
and then, there are also nights
when you should be asleep but you aren’t
you’re there on the cold **** floor
thinking all of the crazy stuff you did last summer
sipping the bottle of beer from the fridge
listening to the cringey music
from the old record player
occasionally tiptoeing,
as if waltzing with an imaginary partner
and finally, there are nights
when no matter how hard you try to sleep
for no reason your eyelids won't heed
you stare through the dark night, across the ceiling
maybe, somehow, you’re awake in someone else's dream
he kept saying your name, whispers in the thin air
and then you sigh, “oh please, let me sleep.”

i could listen to the sound of
your heart beating
like i never stopped listening
to the top track
of my spotify playlist
i created when
i think of how
my vanilla scented neck
mixed with the smell
of your waxed brushed hair.

that wasn't internet love
we weren't lovers
we could never be
we just talk over the encrypted airwaves
like chatty strangers meeting for the first time
at the grocery line
i'm always the one who tends to overshare
you always listen to all of my rants and woes
at 3am in sync with the echoing cuckoos
i know all of my telltales were like how songs
are played on repeat by a teenage avid fanatic
and by that you might just think i'm kinda lunatic
but i'm just a sad, sad girl
in need of a vent buddy
a friend, someone who never leaves
and you were there to fill up the role as what it seems
like a hero, a knight in shining armor
so i'm sending a million thanks, you've served my favor
and i hope you're doing great, wishing you all the best
oh God, how grateful i am that you exist
thank you for plugging in and staying up until 3am.

it was a bittersweet two months with you
i still think of you whenever i take the 5:30pm bus ride home
you and me seated side by side at the spot i always choose
it was never the grandest of dates
because we never went out and stare at each other
across coffee tables
but it was one of the cutest romantic meetups i could ever consider
you always hold my hand
you always wanted to hold my hand even if it's sometimes sweaty
we talked about how our day went
like how crazy it was at work
or how ******* tiring it was to go to work
you're always the one who's chatty
the last time i remembered, you have so many stuff you wanted to buy
i could never forget how you have a funny obsession with pens
or how you're so picky with comfort rooms
or why you sleep late during fridays
because you're either watching a movie or gaming
it was more of a get to know you, than a get to know me
you never got to know me
because if you did, you're not going to stop
knowing me is unstoppable, addictive
but you never tried
and that's what left me scarred.

why don't we give
the best for ourselves?
why don't we put
the silver spoon
in our own mouths
and then live
the ******* life
we ever wanted?

maybe the women
in my neighborhood
only knew panic
and outbursts
when situations
feel worse than ever
while i've been
teaching myself
how to be nonchalant,
i'm acting chill
on the outside
but my mind
has been drawing
maps and trails
on how i should get there,
the easiest and safest
route to meet you halfway

i crave for you like coffee
i want you creamy, sweetened
but i’d still like you black, bitter
awaken me with your aroma
let me take a sip of your innocence;

but,

i want you more than caffeine
i want to feel you in my veins
and, i think you could be my serotonin
stabilize my mood and my well-being
keep me in your sight, keep me sane.

i know what you like
girls with their backbones shown off
curves trailed in their silhouettes, perfect
tops cropped, bottoms stripped
cherry lips, glass skin, white as porcelain
a sight you always imagine;

but,

i wish you would also like
girls with their bare faces in the mirror
curves scribbled with their pens as thoughts deepen
tees vintaged, bottoms unstripped
chapped lips, scarred skin, mosaic heartbreaks
a sight that also sees you beyond and between.

and maybe the child in me
just really needs a playmate
who's gonna surely say yes
whenever i ask them first,
hey, let's hang out, run and play.

but nothing excites
me anymore except
for a starry night sky,
the moon and its phases,
a rainbow which i never
saw coming, the waves
of the sea, a blue sky,
and the sunset after
a long tiring day..

"i heard a new song from the radio
while driving home," she said;
"what are you waiting for, let's check it out," he replied.

I shut my door and wiped my floor
I hear the sound of the wailing horns
The day is gone, the night is cold
I close my eyes, my heart is torn

I open my window
The world is quiet and slow
I bow down my head
Trying to figure out
When will this end?

I scream at the top of my lungs
But my voice is so small
No one can hear a thing
I cannot breathe anymore

I cannot move my feet
Paralyzed and masked
From the truth
With sweat, my body is soaked

I cry my heart out
This could get worse
But how will it heal
I watch the sky, and it was never a lie

and once again, my heart skips a beat
daydreaming, my eyes sparkle
red flush, my cheeks contoured
i'm not usually like this, my brain fogs
am i too exposed? my second thoughts
nevermind, i just hope you knew.

and that night
i knew i wanted
our hands
to be intertwined
but what i wanted the most
is for you to first grab mine
never drop it, hold it tight
when our bodies seemed to cut
the boundary in between
and cross the line
because it's a green
it's indeed a go
says the traffic lights.

remember all the ride home,
i’m behind you, looking up at the skies
trying to hide all the feelings inside,
trying to utter a sound,
trying to get a grip of what should be
in store for us;

remember all the sneaking out,
i wait for you, or sometimes you wait for me
trying to stay dead silent as possible,
trying to pretend we don’t exist,
trying to be real for you, but you never
want me to;

remember all the sneaking in,
your face at the front door, mine pretentious
trying to be awake ‘til midnight,
trying to keep you in my sight, but you let loose
of this thread i’m binding you;

remember all you did, and you said,
just want to forget, just want this to end
trying to dump all the thoughts i had about you,
trying to not to hold on anymore,
trying to remember what it was without you,
so then i could be brand new.

"do you see colors?" he asked;
"no, i can hear them," she replied.

do not show me love
in ways that you only know
ask me and i'll tell you how

what scares me the most
when i'm being alone is that
i tend to dig deep through
my darkest thoughts and start
to create chaos and develop wars
against myself.. am i worth it?