they make goodbyes
sound easy
when they're at your door
late at night
and they scream your
name like a warning
from the bottom
of the staircase
you leave them,
until apologies make
your tongue as raw as
saw-dust
those nameless boys
the one's with
smoky breath,
they write your name
to the skies
constellate it to their
forefingers and cross it
over their forehead
like a baptism
those boys with hands
that eat like worms
at the dying heart
of your feelings
no, they don't love you
only death can
love you,
nameless girl
with the
countless faces.

this poem
is not about you

even though
your spirit is in every word
your voice sounds strong
in the halls of my mind
telling me things
I am now sure
I want to know

this poem is
about me

trying to understand
you

my mind no longer lingers on
my memories of you
my eyes no longer search for yours
and their shade of blue

my stomach no longer turns
when I remember that you're gone
my heart no longer breaks
when I remember I need to move on

I know I'll always miss you
and I'll still have bad days
but although I'm not doing great
I'm finally *okay

Take a look,
A good look,
And tell me what you see...
What DO you see when you look at me?

Do you see beauty?
Do you see intelligence?
Do you see hope?
What Do you see?

Take a look at me,
I bet you don't truly see me,
The person I try not to be,
Do you see?

See the scars on my wrist,
See the brokeness of my heart,
See the fear in my eyes,
Do you see?

See the hurt that's left behind,
From years passed,
To years to come,
Look at me.

See me for who I truly am,
Because who I am...
Is a fighter,
And a warrior.

I fight everyday,
To keep from what people say,
I fight to keep myself here,
I fight to live another day.

I fight the urge to cut,
To over dose,
To drink,
To smoke.

I'm a warrior,
I have been through hell,
Breaking inside,
A little each day.

I've fought for escape,
I've fought for love,
I've fought for forgiveness,
I've fought for understanding.

So look at me,
And tell me,
What do you see?
Do you see the real me?