I'm so different then i was back then,
  I know you changed so much too.

But while you seem scared of me,
  I long to learn more about you.

I wish there was no you and me,
I wish it was us, to put it simply.

It was my fault without a doubt,
Even while you were quiet, I would scream and shout.

While we are quiet different you and I,
I never wanted to make you cry.

I feel so small for the things I said,
  These things are constantly running through my head.

While you were strong, I was weak,
  I moved on, loved another, and you couldn't sleep.

You have every reason to still be mad,
  There is nothing, that makes me more sad.

For I love you, and you did love me,
  For reasons I could never see.

Our lives have changed so much,
  I really tried to keep it touch.

The one I loved, and trusted so,
Couldn't ever let it go.

While it's my fault ultimately,
  Blinded, I couldn't see the forest through the trees.

Now I can see, and you don't care,
I will not quit trying to repair.

A friendship a love so important to me,
Your face, i still see in my dreams.

Is it bad to want the feeling of the blade slice through my pale flesh?
To see the blood form in beads on the thin lines on my thigh?
Not even flinching as the blade pierces my skin and laughing when it's over.
It's like I am drawn to the blade,
It's right there for me to pick up and scar my precious skin.
I get told to stop, but I do it again and again.
Like my flesh is asking to be cut.
Normal.
That's what it is for me now.
I used to do it for a reason, but now I do it to feel something other than pain.
To feel something other than the pain and hurt I am continuously reminded of.
So fast things change, from a young, innocent, happy child.
To a dark, pained, scarred teenager.
Oh well.

More blood drawn for no apparent reason.
Things may be okay, but I am not.
My body will be my canvas, that nobody will see.
My scars will be a masterpiece, but only in my dreams.
I want the pain.
Or is it pleasure?
Since I get so much joy from the crimson blood forming on my thigh.
I am a *******.
I want it, I need it.

"I am your spaniel; and, Demetrius,
The more you beat me, I will fawn on you:
Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, strike me,
Neglect me, lose me; only give me leave,
Unworthy as I am, to follow you."
Now you see, I am your spaniel, no matter now much you hurt me, I will always be faithful to you, I will always be yours.
You could break my heart one million times, and it would still rebuild itself to fit you.
I am unworthy of you, but still I am drawn to you.
I am broken, but you can fix me.

All I need is pen and paper,
So I can drown my sorrows,
In words.

Lots and lots of words,
All meaningless to others,
But everything to me.

Some are happy,
But most are sad.
Because sad is what I am.

I touch the ink to the blank page,
The words start pouring out.
Until there's no room.

Stuck with a dilemma,
I must keep it inside.
Because I have no pen and paper.

That sense of release, that sense of happiness.
Like a drug to some, a painful memory for others.
But it's the same sense of release.
The same sense of release that made some girl **** herself, the same that made some boy hurt others.
It's all dangerous.
Not that anyone cares, they keep doing it.
They keep hurting themselves until they've done something wrong.
They've burned their flesh too much, they've cut a nerve.
It's all the same and no one can stop it.

Please be happy
For me?
I want you to smile
Can you do that for me?
I want you to forever feel
How much I love you
I want you to be forever happy
Knowing that I will be with you
I want to know that I can make you happy
Can you do that?
Be happy for me?