Lonely
is all i feel.
without love,
without friends,
without support.
relationshipless.
Lonely
is all i feel.
days spent in my head,
days sitting on my own,
days all alone.
trapped.
Lonely
is all i feel.
no one to understand,
no one to listen,
no one to waste my time.
isolated.
Lonely
is all i feel.
when i lay in bed with no one by my side,
when i am unnoticed even though i am in plain sight,
when i cry in the darkness but tell nobody because how could they understand what i am feeling inside?
Lonely
is all i feel.
i live in a world with billions of people,
i surround myself with laughter and fun,
i smile through my days,
weeks,
months,
years.
but.
Lonely
is all i feel.

And suddenly,
life stops.

You forget the troubles on your mind, you forget your tired eyes, you forget to breathe.
Time starts to slow, everything goes numb.

Deep breaths can't make up for all your lost air.
Sleeping becomes a second thought.
You can't believe it's real, but you stare at your screen just waiting.
Small things aren't important anymore.

Keep fighting.

Conversations become silent.
How do you find words?
Frozen in place you wait, and wait.
It gets harder and harder to distract yourself.

Everything is going to be okay.
Everything is going to be okay.

Until it's not.

You realize you never said how you really felt.
How they inspired you, how they taught you, how much you loved them.
You regret not visiting them, you regret not speaking with then more often, you regret --

---

And suddenly,
life stops.

negative space.
you reach into the darkness,
but find no light.
where do you go when you don't know your way out?
when the only light you see are the ghosts of your self doubt,
how do you find the real you?
timeless.
how do you keep up with yourself,
when there's no more time?
for how many hours can you play the same game,
before you tire out?
how do you know when to give up?
-
how do you find your way back home when you can't tell where you're going?