You poke and **** deep on the roots of the way I am wired.
You analyze the way I tick and react to every possible emotion.
You do not do it for my safety and sanity
To know me better
It's almost like you do this to know me worse.
To see how bad you can really detest every receptor in my head.
You only see that you do not like what you see.
You do not like the way I understand the world at large
Or you have decided I simply just, don't.
But I do, and I feel I do so
More deeply than you could ever imagine
I understand the box you're stuck in
Your limits of understanding
You think you're complex,
I think you're caged in.
I think you have boundaries, as do your perceptions
I am limitless in that I can no longer deny the cynical or sad, or make it anything other.
I embrace the places my head goes
You just limit yourself to the same glass structures.

I never want to leave
But it's good you have options
It's great you're able to choose
When I am head locked in this position
Of needing you, still sometimes
It's still your eyes
It's good you have options
When I have no choice

I won't think about the way we move at night
just recognize and understand its only to disguise
simple things we can't seem to grasp
like to how to love
how to not fight
how to forget the past

We can touch, we can play
We don't have to leave the house all day
Somethings will never change
Repeating myself, as my heart still breaks.

I told you this was never what I wanted
and you told me love's not for the weak hearted

We just abuse this idea labeled "love"
and empty concept taken over by a rush of emotion
our chemical reactions toxic
I had a mind but i just lost it

It's like some monster you turn into
It doesn't take a full moon
Howling
No growing claws or nails
It's the growing of an ego
The changing of the mind
The transformation of attitude towards your life
Towards anything, really.
It's not a loss of control
Not a running rampage
It's the loss of friends, and respect for the world at large
It's the running from problem
Chasing impossibilities
You grow old, and you grow out of yourself
Into a monster.
Into what the world made of you

What do you do at the end of the day, when it's all said and done.
Do you walk around with your hands in your pockets?
Because that always makes me feel like such an idiot.
To think of all the things you could do with these hands
and yet you'd rather envelope them in a small hot confined area,
and waste whatever they could be doing.
To put something so useful where it can't be at any help to you.
At the end of the day,
when your lovers got parents to hang out with and not tell them about you, where do you go?
Do you go shopping with your best friend?
Because that seems like a waste
of what you just spent a whole week striving towards.
To throw hard earned money
that could be saved and set aside for greater purposes down the line,
on Lacey underwear and perfume. Underwear you buy to wear for your lover
who is busy elsewhere not thinking about you.
When you've worked and you've maintained adulthood and handled all your business,
do you go out drinking?
Do you take a shot a beer and a cigarette?
I just think to spend time only to not remember any of what you cashed it in for
might be a useless way to fill time.
In fact it's a perfect example of killing time.
And there's no need to be murderous just because you can't find better things to do.
When you go home,
what else is there?