What do I do?
What do I say?
How did I
Get my class riled today

So much laughter
I’ve lost my power
I’m trapped in this problem
For another hour

Should I get help?
Should I shout?
This isn’t what I thought
Teaching was all about

Can class get any worse?
Is that my boss?
I’d better find a new job
Because this one is lost

This is too terrible to be true
Any longer and I’ll scream
I closed my eyes and wished for a better place,
Then I woke up from my dream

What’s in a name
That makes you proud,
When you see it in credits,
In a program, or said a-loud?

What’s in a poem
That makes it the best?
Is it what you’re talking about,
Or if it spent more time than the rest?

What’s in a name
That makes it your own?
Your parents give it to you,
But some change it when they’re grown.

What’s in your heart
That makes you good?
Is it the way it beats
Or is it what’s under the hood?

What’s in your life?
Are you part of a game?
What makes you unique?
Is it your name?

when my time comes
it comes
and I will gladly leave
to those who go on living
the task of sorting out
the mess I have accumulated
over years

let them discover
not only the stamp collection
the bank accounts
but also unknown niches
of their father’s/friend’s/husband’s life
the words unspoken
scribbled on some paper
thoughts never shared
for lack of time or opportunity
the letters to a friend of yore
emails to many people
hints of potential
love affairs that maybe never happened
ideas to change the world
into a better place

here I am
  now with a 7 before my years
envisioning life after death

a sign of vanity
perhaps
or an expression of despair

I am not sure

it may just be
the fleeting thoughts
on a clear winter evening
when cold creeps slowly
but insistently
into your bones

reminding you

   of all that cold space
   in our universe
   how it grows larger by the second

making you wonder
if it has a plan
and if that plan
includes you
speculating
about your destiny

        * *

Life will never be easy.
Love will never be easy

You have to fight for the things you want.

I put up a fight for a long time.
It's the giving up part thats not exactly easy.

How do you fall out something just as fast as you fall into it.

The pain seeps out in flashes of insanity
I do not doubt you love me
Though I will always wonder why
In my shattered self-image
In my innate ability to be unseen
Was born an adolescent desire
A desperate need
A yen to be quenched of doubt
To be noticed
To be seen
Both within and without
In that longing to be alive
To be sure that I am a tangible being
In that way I push limits
I test boundaries like a child
Taxing the last nerve of an exhausted parent
Pushing hard until something breaks
Proving I matter enough
Or proving I can bend reality
Until I matter not
To anyone
For surely there is a reason I remain
Unseen
Unheard
Invisible
Intangible
Irrelevant
And Unnoticed
So I push when I'm hurt
Because you promised you won't leave
And I believe you
You said I meant everything I always wanted to mean to someone
And I believe you
You said you'd do anything and everything it takes to make me smile
And I believe you
The pain seeps out in flashes of insanity
I test boundaries like a child
Not because I doubt you
Because I need to always believe

"No matter what happens, we'll never be strangers."

Days like this i wonder how you're doing.
Surely we could send each other a text,
but it becomes archaic.

You and I.
We used to talk under the stars.
Laughing till our faces turn blue.

I kept all your gifts.
A polaroid of us.
Memories.
Buried in a box.
Safe,like how you used to make me feel.

5 years ago,
You came up to me.
Like a dream.
The kind that always leaves.

5 years later,
You left me broken.
Like a record.

I watched you grow.
Like a lotus flower that grows out of the mud.
Slowly blossoms and rise above the muddy surface.

Now.
Im left with only memories of us.
Stored away in the back of my mind.

So nights like this.
When i need you most.
I reminisce all the good memories we had.
With tired eyes, tired mind, tired soul.

Just so you know.
If ever,in future you need me.
You don't have to call me.
Or drop a text.

Just run to me.
Like a kid running to the finishing line.
With arms wide open.
I welcome you.