Its the times Im alone that i fear the ghost of you.

I cant wash the sins out of my hair

or the rising betrayal in my heart

I cant afford you.

instead I watch you shimmer.

The walls are closing in
and the oceans just may be parting
only to surround the very small space
to engulf all of my being

The raging tides begin
and the perfect storm is just starting
in an attempt to drown in this wretched place
I have made my way across without seeing

The lightening strikes again
and the path to my lungs is hardening
my hands are worthless as they tremor and shake
I'm dying and you don't even believe me

I am getting older
     And now it's starting to show

I'm just so sad
& I miss you so much

But I'm used to this pain
& you don't need me anymore

So I'll cut a little deeper
& you'll continue your life

Because I'm dying slowly
& you're perfectly happy

& I'm sorry I couldn't be
What you wanted all along

Because I'm not a perfect person
But I love you so much
& I'm just sorry

It was raining cats and dogs
Even though cats and dogs are supposed to bring happiness
There was nothing happy about the way the sky looked that night
The storm came in stages and patterns
Breaking down the walls that kept her safe
The clouds moved as swiftly as a dancer
Drowning out the sun and its warmth
No one saw it coming
No one saw the signs that were written in their hearts
We blocked out everything that was different
The storm came
The weather changed
We ran in different directions never looking back
How can you live when all you do is block out everything that reminds you that you're living
How can you stop yourself from feeling
The storm wiped out the love that we had
Turned us bad
We waited for the rainbow that showed signs of hope
But did nothing but stare out the window that pointed directly to our souls
We left our homes
Our lives seemed based around this storm
We became drones to the world around us
Untangling our pasts like they were knots holding us back
Using to for rope to go over the edge
To somehow find our silver lining
We stood at the edge questioning how far the fall was
We saw the storm roll in like a gang ready to battle for their pride
We jumped
Asking no questions
We gave into the rhythm around us
Pounding in our heads and hearts leading us out of the dark
We hit the ground and stood toe to toe with the storm
That chased us for years
Never having the courage to face it
Our strength became endless and we fought for our right to feel again
And even after taking blow after blow
We kept progressing
Until we saw our rainbow
I can't tell you what it feels like to stand up after a great battle
Knees weak
Arms shaking
We became fighters that day

I see you in bars all the time
with other men
groping
for a way across the room
with another woman
sideways on
are you looking past
her too
hoping
asking
would I fit
through
such a close sat
bar crowd

are you with a cousin
just a friend or two
will your eyes meet mine
is that woe in your blue
I try to rein in
but happily resign
to a seesaw glass renewed

and I'm glancing
at the next round
bottom
behind bars
it's too easy
to replace you
miss or ms
or mix you in the crowd
warm and fuzzy
I rise above this scene
this love of guesses
I float between
the bars
and get over
the faces

to where another balloon
escapes unattached
no
the string shakes
loose
and curves go on and on
into the blurry blue
when when
I look back
you're following too
beyond bars to.. what?

looks like lakes
bathing me and you
in starry eyed lights
but is it all in the drinks
or a top up of a view
am I about to find out
it's not behind
it's not in front
it's all in the now
I'm locked into
your bars

roaming hands
off my guard
******* up to you
we squeeze between bars
and
cors
***
pour me down

I fought hell for you and you said So what?
I slayed your dragons and you said you could have done it!
I killed my soul and you never even asked me a thing about it.