If some of you wonder why I didn't just leave, I need you to hear this.
I told him to leave my house, he refused. If I tried to call someone he would take my phone. If I tried to leave he would block the door.

Why didn't I just ask for help? Oh I did. My mom thinks it's my fault and my friends just ignore those texts; they'll answer any other messages I send them, but not the ones begging for help.

He told me not to tell my therapist, but even when I try she tells me it's just a hard time and we will get through it.

I have given up even trying to leave. I will just deal with this. I can't get out on my own and I have no help. Everyone is okay with seeing me like this. So I guess I just won't make a fuss about it anymore.

Don't you dare blame it on me. I did everything that people tell you to when you're in a situation like mine.

"Why didn't you just leave him?"
Why didn't you help me?

I’ll whisper in your ear.
Tell you all the things you want to hear.
Sweet nothings.

Last for never.

No commitment from the start.
Your whole world is falling apart.
Jealousy leads to desperately.

You force your way in.
Push and shove.
Say words you don’t mean.

But my love

Has made you into a fein.
You crave my soft hands
And my simple touch.

Screaming at me
“Is that too much”

So I’ll give you what wish.
My very own special kiss.
Caress your hips.
Make love
Though my fingertips.

I’ll put you in that place.
That’ll have you wanting
More. You’ll call out my name.
Thinking you’ve  scored.

But
When morning comes.
I’ll still be walking
out
That door.
  
You’ll be left.
Possessed
With love me knots.

A love that was once yours.
Is now being forgot.

As i ran away
not a tear came out
of my brown eyes
As i wasn't looking back
He shouted for me
All i could here is the winds in my ear
So much pain and devastation
As i ran away
Every heartache you caused
Seemed like a distant memory
Memories of which
I choose me
  As i ran away
The shackles had broken
I was finally free of the pain
As i ran away
I saved myself i saved my children
I saved life from him
As i ran away
I lost everything
Yet gained EVERYTHING
I found me and thats
The best thing ever
As i ran away

As i ran away
not a tear came out
of my brown eyes
Freedom was all i saw
As i ran away

i hope to forgive you as easily as it was for you to hurt me

I said
we were amazing
while putting bandages on my cuts
I said
I really loved him
while covering up my bruises
I said
I'm glad he’s happy now
while wiping away my tears

1 am, 5 months later
I’m wide awake, alone in the dark, the same way you left me
With broken thoughts, broken hopes, and a spirit to match
Who would have thought the cut would be this deep?
Questioning myself, questioning my worth, questioning my ability to be loved
All because you only knew how to question
Only knew how to hide
Only knew how to blame anyone other than yourself

How long do wounds take to heal?
How soon can a spirit be fixed?
How soon can one ignore the blame, the guilt, the shortcomings of an indecisive lover?
5 months later and I don’t want to question my worth
I want to question you
Your views
Your actions
Your way of making people feel little when they only want to make you feel loved

The only aspect of myself I need to question
Is my loyalty to a heart
I didn’t own

My love outlasted yours
like a tool, I let you use me
like a fool, I let you trick me

When you were silent I responded
because I knew you needed me
because I knew you could use me

You pushed me 300 miles away finally
but at least now it's just me
at least now it's just me