my only fear is that
there will be too much
in my system,
and they will find every
trace of you.
lingering through the veins
of complications that we
both once knew.
since my body won’t
absorb all of you,
the high will consume me,
ease the pain
then release various endorphins
that i forgot i had made.
it will fill me with
would be’s, should be’s, and could be’s.
then leave me on the ground, flat lined.
constantly reminding,
that the only reason you are not here
is because of me.

I never tell you when I'm crying
I never tell you "please don't leave me"
I never tell you how empty I feel
I never tell you about the pounding in my head, or about the overwhelming urge to talley my sleepless hours into my skin
I never tell you about the broken vessels in my eyes from the times I weep so hard I ***** up your absence I so carefully choked down
I never tell you how I wish you would give me flowers..they don't have to be fancy..
I never tell you what a fool I am
I never tell you about how selfish I really am
I never tell you about how badly I want you here; about how lost I am without you
I never tell you about how badly I want to dance with you
I never tell you how I wish you would tell me I'm beautiful every chance you get
I never tell you how when I see you disconnect, I cry and cry and cry
I never tell you how I bet you're fine without me
I never tell you how I want to spend the best years of my life with you
I never tell you how lonely I am
I never tell you
I never tell you
I never tell you
I never