Wut und Schmerz
In meinem Herz
Ein Pfeil
Bedrängt
Verdrängt
Verengt
Verrenkt
Verschenkt
Die 17 Jahre
Oder mehr?
Und neugeboren
Werde ich
Womöglich.
Vertrauen schöpfen,
Wenn im Inneren das Fegefeuer
Lodert.

Verhindern
Will ICH jede Lösung.
Verlieren
Will ICH nicht.
Vielleicht vergesse ICH
mal wieder
Den Schmerz der Wahrheit
Schlicht.

ICH übertreib' es nicht!
Die sind alle Verräter-Menschen,
Die Welt ist furchtbar, dreckig, schlimm.
ICH will nur raus von hier,
ICH weiß nur nicht wohin.
Die Scham?
Jaja, hab von gehört.
Aber du bist ein Idiot.
Versuchst mich zu verstehen...
ICH WILL doch untergehen.
Genie? Ja, dafür halt' ICH MICH,
Deshalb verfass' ich das Gedicht.
Verschiedenartig, dennoch gleich,
Spiele euch hiermit einen Streich.
Nur um MICH selbst zu überlisten.
ICH führe immer eine Liste,
Über Gewinne und Verluste...
Wer auf Platz eins ist, wo ICH steh',
Muss schaun' dass ICH net untergeh'.

ICH weiß, in mir steckt so viel mehr.
Oder auch nichts? Oder auch nichts.
ICH bin enttäuscht.
Verletzt.
Verlegen.
ICH bin allein, muss überlegen.
ICH muss mal sehen, was ich mach'.
Vielleicht spiele ich lieber Schach?
Nein, Schach ist nur für alte Leute!
Ich such' mir lieber was von heute.
Was heißt, ehrlich sein, nochmal?
Ich weiß, es ist vielleicht ne Qual.
Für DICH.
Ja, da hab ICH wohl Recht. Das wollte ICH.
Das ist doch echt? Ist's echt genug?
Oder braucht's mehr?
Es braucht nur weniger, I guess.

I just need to say YES.
I just need to let go.
I just need to be free.
To let myself be me.

Crackling fire, shrinking slow.
Outside, rages a storm of snow.
Through my shelter howls a wind.
I'm unsure if I can defend,
myself from the dark and cold,
as the fire grows ever old.

To get some rest is my desire.
But with the cold, I shall expire.
So I force myself to stay awake.
As my body begins to shake.
Suddenly I feel every ache.
I think of every person I've hurt.
Every opportunity missed, a mistake.
No matter far I put that behind,
those thoughts are still in my mind.
There's no solace for me to find.

The fire starts to crackle and pop.
It briefly makes the thoughts stop.
The fire is very dim.
I know my chances are slim.
So I have a choice.
To lie down and die with the fire.
Or to get up and raise my voice.
I choose to roll the dice.
I will not go gentle into this cold night.
I shall rage, rage against the dying firelight.

Have I gone mad?
Probably.
Is it normal to converse with one's self?
Probably not.
Oh... well that's just too bad.
People don't know what they're missing out on.
Exactly; trust no one.
Not even yourself...
I must bottle it up inside.
Yes. I must.
But it will tear me apart.
It will tear me apart.
But it's what must be done.
It's what must be done.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I found that I was talking to myself tonight
No one in the room just me and the light

I think I've done lost it, that one final piece
There is now nothing in my head to decrease

Out of my cranium it must have crept
I bet you it did it last night while I slept

Now I'm talking right out loud
As if in my room there was a big crowd

Yep, it's official.......it is all gone
Yep, I think it left right around dawn

Wait for it.....wait....there it is, I just answered myself
Maybe I should go with the other crazies upon the shelf

Altho as I listen, I think I'm quite right
It's the most intelligent things I've heard in many a night

Yep, that proves, it I'm totally insane
It's done been let off of it's chain

Oh well what use is there to having one
It was never in use when I was having fun!!!!

The worst of all enemies is in my head
She does not wear a mask or look like a monster
In fact, she is beautiful
Far more beautiful than I am, as she constantly reminds me
She is smarter, sexier, funnier, calmer, more confident than I am
As she constantly reminds me
She knows what everyone else really thinks of me
She knows what they say when I'm not there to hear it
And she's always there to remind me of the silly things I might've said
She doesn't have to hide behind baggy sweatshirts
No, she wears whatever she wants, and always looks beautiful
She doesn't smile very much, but that's because she hates me
"Like everyone else does" she likes to remind me
It's hard to silence her
She especially likes to visit me when I'm alone
Likes to scream at me when I'm curled in bed
Her words as dark as the night around me
She likes to keep me up a lot
When I could be sleeping, dreaming, she reminds me of all the wrong I've done today
How I could've been so much better
But of course, how I never will be
It doesn't matter how late we stay up, she can keep going for hours
But sometimes I've noticed that she doesn't visit me the morning after
When I fall asleep in class, she's nowhere to be found
Which is good, because that's been happening a lot lately
The only way to keep her at bay
Well, not the only way
Me and this other girl in my head, we've found some ways
But the other me, she's young
Not as smart or cool or experienced as she is
That's okay
I like her a lot more
She's quiet, but she pipes up now and again
She usually has nice things to say
Or nothing at all
Which is probably why she doesn't speak up too much
"Not too many nice things with you, are there?" she'd remind me
But the little girl
She hangs out when I'm tired
Reminds me of when I was little
How I could get lost in a book
I've started reading again
She doesn't like that
"Only losers sit inside and read books. But I guess you don't have friends anyway"
Well, that's okay
The little girl reminds me how the sky looks at night
And we go running together
Slow at first, then faster
Then we venture out in the day
She's happy for me
She's not
But the little girl is helping me
She's a little louder now, a little bolder
She argues with her
Sometimes they fight so loud I can hardly stand it
And I stand dazed, eyes glazed, until one of them wins
Lately, she's been losing
Tonight she won a battle
But we're going to win the war