The portrait never shows the time or pain behind every brush stroke are flaws so easily hidden in the beauty that stands before us now.

It's a slow death in the pages and
a world of torment so easily escaped in this room alone.

I can show any emotion so why must I stay here in the confines of this one .

Maybe we **** what we love the most simply to watch it die.
The innocence lost with time now the bitter winds flow so cold through the trees that once knew spring .

Can we see it for what it truly is .
The art we create and the happiness we sacrifice along the way .

Old paintings like tombstones are simply markers of a time the earth did embrace our existence.

And something I know longer can bare to view .

I was always worst in the morning.
Burnt out hungover and in need of something to eat and a few strong aspirin.

The phone. rang and its normal intrusion always gave me the knee **** reaction to smash it into the wall.

But being i couldnt afford to live let alone replace **** i answred it instead.

Collect call from Austin will you accept the charges the operater asked ?

In her mock happiness from sitting in one spot listening to people for which she probaly held as much regard as i did.

I didnt need to ask from who only trouble and bill collectors call me in the morning.
Usally the bill collectors dont call collect.

I excepted .

What is it Cheryl?

The timid voice came through as she always did whenever she wanted something.

Hi baby how are you?
I'm sorry i had to call you this way i know it costs .

Don't sweat it I wont pay the bill anyways .

I hated phones and pretty much wasnt a fan of human contact altogether.
Well minus certain ocassions .

So what you need kid?

You always have been a blunt person.

Have to be when it cost me by the second sugar.

I wanna come home baby.

Yeah thought you left me to go home.
What happend didnt go to the right home?

Please Jack I need to be back with you this time apart made me realize just how much i truly cant be without you.

It had been over two weeks since Cheryl had packed her **** and had me drop her off at the bus station .
She just took her bags turned away and walked out of my life.

She was a pure ***** maybe thats  why i liked her so much .

I hit the bottle and she hit the highway bound to the state she called home to the life she claimed to have thrown away for me .

That last fight had been a glorious shouting match I usally took.the sarcastic smart *** route but i had enough of her ******* and lies .

I was a ******* but least i was a honest one.

Jack please i'm coming home either way.

I took the last of my money to buy this bus ticket .

Yeah so why call me if your coming back anyways?

I knew full well why she was returning.
Cheryl was the type that required far to much maintance for anyone to handle let alone people who werent getting something in return.

Baby i just wanted you to know i ****** up I cant live without you im coming home to you.

I paused for a moment thought about that perfect body and the nights it layed against me in the calm of a harsh summer night.

I thought of the nonstop chaos .
The fights she was a woman of great passion maybe thats why she was so good in bed .

I was hungover like hell lonley but i would heal the strong ones always do.

Baby are you there ?

Yeah well thanks for the warning sweetheart .
I said as i simply hung up the phone and unplugged it from the wall.

Yeah i needed alot of things.
A new liver ,Maybe a job that didnt drive me insane .
A good bottle maybe a meal inbetween.

I needed more than a few things .
But a hurricane of emotional horse **** i did not .

I took four asprin and returned to bed to sleep it off

It was silent in the room dark and empty.
It was the most peace i had known in a very long time.

It was what I needed.

Never listen to the praise it's a poison that will drive your work to cater to the mundane.
Rejection is good but if you are going to be made of glass you picked the wrong path .
There is never a right way simply your own.

Ignore those voices that question everything take off the brakes and go full throttle for it's better to burn bright for a short time than to waste away a sad parody of your true self.

I'm no expert just another ***** at the keys typing away his life drink in hand killing the moments till there's nothing left but dust and memories for which stories will be cast .

The page is all that matters nothing more .

I have sacrificed all and I dam sure am not stopping till I die .
It's never a choice for the true writer .
I never viewed the road and saw many directions for me it was a straight ******* line since day one.

I may be a ******* to some but I will always be what most can never grasp.
True to myself .

No regrets ,No remorse .

I have tasted the pavement far to many times my words are like scars they carry a weight I cannot deny.

The faces always change yet my goal has never changed.
To make that page bleed to my will .

There's no easy way to get anything in this life worth a dam.
Likes are a ******* joke popularity his for high school has-been's emptiness is the truth of this road friends are few and rejections many.

If you choose to take this road all I can say it's one ruff ******* ride.
But if you are truly a writer there's no choice it's just the way it is .

No regrets and no ******* remorse!

Log in and lose all sense of what and who you  truly are.
I see the ******* numbers and even  more egotistical statements from people I would consider more typist than writers.

A child with the understanding how to play the game and cheat the system .
I see your trending yet again because your fake ID reposted your newest crap fest while others seem to avoid your work like ***** on the floor of a frat house party.

Ego you have my friend.
Talent for bullshitting well in check.

But as for the page your a child who stares at the ocean scared shitless from the shore .
It must be fantastic being the greatest swimmer never to set foot in the pool.

This write is dedicated to a certain poet who if I mentioned .
Well his ego would just tell him hey at least someone's paying attention.

Your trending yet again and at the end of the day .
When you step away from the comp your just a ******* with a overinflated ego and some fake *** numbers .

And if are paths ever cross you may ask.
Hey aren't you?
And my only reply will be .

Yes I will take fries with that.


         Fin