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cleo Dec 2022
we were only kids
thirteen and twelve
you'll never understand the grief you caused--
i lost myself

adrift in a world of nightmares flashing always, never ceasing
you had me on the run
from everything that i was thinking, wanting, feeling

tracking calories and body weight to regain control
spiraled into darkness with drugs and alcohol

my head is and was and always will be such a mess
i swear i screamed out NO but all you heard was Yes

~

what the **** happened to you

and, more importantly,

what happened to me?
cleo Dec 2022
there’s somethin funny going on up in this house
check the front, now the windows, see? the lights are out
no one’s home, just us voices, extra extroverted noises
just the other people in your head making you regret your choices
it’s just us bonus mouths to feed and sometimes hands to hold
we hope you hear us when we say this covert thing is getting kinda old
Rosé Jan 8
My mother yelled the other day
"Take a shower, brush your teeth-"
"Wash your clothes and listen to me!"
"Please do the dishes before you anger me!"

Yet concrete forces me down to my bed
Chains wrapped around my heart instead
Moving a limb is an impossible feat
Pure numbing pain crushes me

This feeling curled in my bones annoys me
As it did when I was only 6 and untrusting
Lies sprouting and sharp as from a garden
If only I could say, "Hey stop it."

My mother yelled at me today
"I gave you love and gave you strength-"
"I wiped the tears you spilled on rainy days!"
"If not for me you would have been left with no one you see?"

The love you gave wasn't until you had to show face
I got strength but from the way my childhood caved
The tears you wiped was when people died
Even when you were "there" I had no one by my side.

My mother sobs tears with rage
"Things you've done affect others as well-"
"It breaks my heart I couldn't help,"
"I'm sorry I didn't notice you weren't well."

Mother of mine why can't you see?
I just want a hug and cuddles- listen please.
I didn't have childhood but please forgive me
Sorry oh sorry for hurting you so.

Please just let me go.
Yeah... me and mother have a strained relationship ngl..
maxx Jan 7
you walked through the fire
& lived to tell the tale—
but now,
the smoke
still clings to your lungs,
& every breath feels
like a battle
you never asked to fight.
inspired by the quote "i survived the trauma but not the aftermath"
When your tears feel like blood
Falling down your face
Burning in place
When your heart feels like
Pain
aching every beat
Breaking
       Faking
  Shaking

When you can't remember
Why you're alive
Why you would want to be
Everything is gloomy
Everything is nothing

When the snow falls and it's magical
Then melts the next day
Grey sludge
Gross and out of place

When you beg for someone
To be your friend
Someone to let you play pretend
Let you laugh
Let you know it'll be ok
Let you feel for once
What you used to on a lovely autumn day

I'm alone
I'm always so alone
I'm sick
Chronically
Mentally
Unforgivablely
Who did I hurt
To deserve this

I can't even pretend anymore
Life can be better
People care
People love me
No,
I'm alone
I'm *****
I'm pathetic
And weak
I'm almost thirty

My life is empty
I'm barren
I'm godless
I'm hopeless
And diseased

I beg for you again
Please, won't you be my friend
Look at me
Oh God please
Don't look at me
I'm weak
I'm so weak
I'm begging
I can't stop begging
Why can't I heal
Why must I break
Why must I sit alone
And bleed
From my face
Everyday
Alone
In every way
No laughter
No joy
No dancing
Just
Destroyed

My life is a hospital bed
I'm the disease
Everyone else is lead
I'm poisoned by them
But I want more
I lay not on the bed
But the floor
Put the medication in my IV
save me
Oh I beg so deeply
Save me from this life
I want to die
I wish to live
What more can I ******* give

The doctors never listen
They only demand
Money money
Then let you know firsthand
You don't matter
You are nothing
Shut up and go away

And so I listened
And I stayed
In my hell
Where the snow
Only last but a day
I'm so tired of living life just to go to another doctors appointment or have another surgery
Maria Monte Jan 1
You say good morning,  
Happy New Year,  
Goodbye—  
like a greeting,  
a phrase tossed lightly into the wind,  
as if it will always carry itself back to you.  

But I say them  
like a prayer,  
soft syllables trembling on my lips,  
each word a fragile offering  
each word an incantation of good will

Good morning,  
not just a start,  
but a hope—  
that the sun will rise  
and it's ray's will embrace me in it's warm glow.

Happy New Year,  
not just a celebration,  
but a wish—  
that time will be gentle,  
that its passing won't steal too much.  

And goodbye—  
oh, goodbye,  
not just a parting,  
but a plea—  
that it won’t be the last,  
that you'll be safe
that you'll find your way back to me.

You say it all so casually,  
Like a habit,
like there’s always another moment,  
another chance.  

Maybe the world has been kind to you
But every greeting has left it's mark on me
I pray,
Good morning, Goodbye, Goodnight, Happy Birthday, Happy Holidays,
Each word clawing at me

I say it all like a prayer,  
because I know  
there might not be a next time
I know warmth isn't always where you want to be.
I got logged out of this account for so long
Rubianne Foster Dec 2024
Daddy please! Stay with me!
Don't fight in that war; we're already free!
They don't want you there, but I need you here.

Father, how many years has it been? Twenty?
Was losing the war worth losing me?
You didn't stay there, but you never came here.
I must say
Though I am
Just a suthsayer
Not supersain
But this I say here
With a beer (non alcoholic)
In my hand
There are to
Types of memories
Milfs :
Memories I’d like to forget
And then there
Are glimmers:
The real good stuff
That you should remember
But I am just saying
Human to human
As a starseed
Not a supersayen
Mrs T Dec 2024
My body remembers the trauma
My body remembers the pain
My body remembers the unforgivable things you did to it
My body remembers the shame.

My body recalls the lack of sleep,
The fear as you enter my room.
Decades pass, we're there others?
One could only assume.

My body goes through therapy
To heal and make the burden lighter
Years of silence and darkness
The cracks are getting brighter

Did he really do it? They ask
The question a burden in itself
She will have to prove it! They say
The whispers do not help

He knows what he has done
Yet will cry of innocence
The years he took, he stole mine
It's time to face the consequence

Fight or flight will always be there
It will never go away
The memories burn as a sickening image stuck inside my brain.

Those who are suffering in silence
From what he did to them
It is scary, draining and painful
But you no longer have to pretend


We will carry the burden together
I will be the voice for you
I am taking back my power,
You can take back yours to

He no longer has control
Of what I choose to speak
Years of trauma in silence
Please know that I am not weak

I remember the smell, the touch, the feelings and the pain
His actions have ramifications
It's time he takes the blame

For my body remembers the trauma
Of everything he did
Invisible scars, he deserves bars
Because I was just a kid
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