Warm coffee
Cold days wrapped in your arms
feel you wheeze
when you breathe like the leaky pipes in my apartment

Cold coffee
sunny days
do you love me
Waking up barefoot,
tiptoeing on my creaky bones
Just like I walk on old wood floors

Im not a home
Cause you don't love me
Perhaps because i cant hear my pipes or floorboards

Where am I?
Who are you?
This place is familiar
Yet unfamiliar at the same time

My body acts differently
The words I say are not mine
Who is controlling me?
This is not who I am

The walls are closing in
And I can’t breathe
I am not in control
I am no longer me.

I try to stop and wonder why
Am I numb now?
Tears start to fall
Never wanting to stop

Just a minute ago
I was laughing
Now I’m depressed
Suicidal thoughts arise

How can I've been happy?
Then so upset in a blink of an eye
I remember their faces
And I feel nothing for them

Everything’s a distant memory
My own nightmares taking over
I try to find something joyful
All I found was even more terror

How can I tell the people who love
That when night comes
I’m no longer myself
Just like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
I’m a monster that does not feel
Alone and cold, immune to everything
What happened to me?
I want it to stop

But whenever I try to stop
Someone else barges in
I don’t know who it is
But they’re taking over

I try to control myself
Hoping to win the battle in my head
Whether I win or lose
I’m no longer the same

I've changed but not for the better
All the things I've pushed away
Have resurfaced and formed
Now it has personified into my nightmares

Gladly, it only happens at night
But it talks to me during the day
I push back the negativity
Or else it’ll swallow me whole

Who knew it would be like this
I didn't, but that’s what I get
I can never be truly happy
I’ve accepted this much

I’ll face the world with my burdens
Give everyone a smile
I’ll lie my way to my death
Knowing that no one knows the monster inside.