The fear of losing you is much awful than fear of not finding me.
But the worth of finding me is much precious than holding on to you.

How can I keep on fighting for you?
When you gave up on me so easily
How can I come back to you?
When us I no more see
How can I say "I Love You"?
When I'm no more in love with me
How can I be true to you?
When I don't know how to be

This intense emotion I feel,
In my dark, sacred space I try to conceal...
Wrecks through my mind at night,
Like some strange infectious blight...

I try to make sense of this pain,
To grasp at something, anything that is sane...
But thoughts just whizz by like a train,
Like an everlasting pinball hitting chains and panes...

No one will ever be able to interpret this complexity,
Not even Google, that ghostly reality that we depend on....
Maybe I've drowned to much in its toxicity,
To realise the joys of my own reality....

But try as I may,
Joy seems to just be another word...
For bliss, happiness or just plain gay,
And all that is far away, emotions not felt in my world...

Do you ever feel like you are stuck?
It hits me at a friends house at 3 am when all I want to do is sleep but it’s so ******* hot and my mind is running. No one is awake and all you want to do is run, run away from all my problems or run towards more problems. But I  just sit there stuck because either way there are problems. Why is he still my comfort, why does he make me smile. Why aren’t these the same guy. Why the hell can I not be happy? Why can’t I do this? I feel like I am always at check and just waiting to hear checkmate but it never comes. Every day is different but I feel the same way.