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Bella Isaacs Feb 28
I'm waiting on a number of things:
When will you reply, though I gave you wings
To fly away if you will, and you have the right;
I'm waiting for inspiration to strike me in the night
That I am again OK without you - I don't need to feel
My heart implode when I read my old poetry, to steel
Myself when I see apparitions of what I had desired,
To blush and reproach myself for being lost, uninspired,
And pining after you again like a whipped cur; When
You hold space for me IRL
And my messages aren't a URL
Of something that I thought would resonate with you, again
I lose myself, hoping I can gain because you gain, and then
It just feels like I'm throwing my love into a void, again.
I don't just give energy like that; I don't just give thoughts;
I was divinely inspired, and I thought your beauty grand
And lovely, and still those aren't the words, and still this Noughts
& Crosses is a stalemate; And you're cross, and I'm five grand
For nought, and flippin' babbling because I'm so, so lost
And I long for your presence and your voice for me, warm as toast,
Nourishing as honey, real like salt, alive for water, and eternal
And lavender. I can forget roses, even if you like them too; lavender, like you, is eternal.
I miss you, J.
Cas Feb 2021
'I don't want you waiting for me, that just breeds resentment and anger.'

I understand, I do

Where you were coming from when you broke up with me

I understand the fear that I might be waiting for you out of obligation, or cowardice

But now we're broken up, have been for over a month

I've said and done some stupid things since then

But only because I didn't want to accept

What I really think now

Is the truth

That I still want to wait for you

We aren't together, there's no obligation for me to wait for you any more

You've given me a ticket out, a door to escape through

After all the pain and suffering

And I've been standing on the threshold

And perhaps glimpses of what lies beyond the door have been tempting

But I'm closing the door now

Still on the same side as you

Because I'm choosing to wait

No strings attached

This is the choice I'm making

Perhaps it isn't the right one

But I don't think it's the wrong one

So I will sit here, and I will wait

And maybe one day, you'll want to try again as well

And we can build something new together

On the glittering ashes of what we had
i want to shed the Gryffindor armour that I built around myself to make myself seem strong and brave, and show the world the Hufflepuff that i used to be, back when i was happy simply for myself and by myself. the person who made dumb harry potter references to help explain situations.
Cas Oct 2020
i just want to be
your sunshine again
i'll try and keep trying, i refuse to stop trying, i love you
October Dec 2018
Everyone is living their fairytale
While I’m living in hell
Come back to me already
Let's make this right
Mend this hole and close it tight
No one has to ever know
The deep cuts created
The harmful words spoke
Let’s go back to the way things were
Before you shattered my heart
Before everything between you and me fell apart
M Crux Alexander Apr 2015
...
bitter stones in my eyes
dragging the ground
weighing heavy on my lacerated heart
Missing the sound
where the beating starts
where life, like the sun, shines
and pulls me into the day.
Instead, I wake
with a mind full of crimes
filtered into rhymes
Sadness still clinging
to the corners of my mouth
Eyes still stinging
from a conversation gone south
Sight flooded with doubt
Lies reaching to the skies
when I fake a smile
But my eyes can't hide
the toll of this trial.
4/15/15 ~ 8.22a

— The End —