In english we say : {I want to hate you …}
In poetry we say: {It all started once, they say its beautiful, they say its nice, why can't I feel it, why never did I, ive always felt outcast, well tell me. Why do still i.
wethouth permission, You entered my life, you stole my soul, you broke into my heart. Im not being romantic, im just saying a fact...
its not beautiful its not nice; explain it , just tell me why…
They say it always ends well; I'm aware, noting last, but why can't I feel it? Why never did I?
They say its a unique experience, distinctive feeling; why can't I feel it? Why never did I?
Maybe its your fault; maybe youre toxic; maybe youre not; maybe its me; try not to blame me.
I'm unfamiliar with the thing they call love.
I don't know what you did; I don't know how you did, but you lost my soul, you broke my heart...
I once knew how to laugh, I once knew how to live, then you came and you took that away...
i dont know how to feel; I don't know what I want, but I know what I need and i need you away.
you entered my life from my opened door; i want to close it, so please go out, please go away...
go out of my life, out of my brain , out of my soul, out of my heart, please go out of ME...
Im selfish I know, and I'm sorry for that, but I just realized that the one who needed to be prioritized in my life was never you, but me, and it will always be...
sorry again , mybe you care, mybe you dont, but i know what i need...
I NEED YOU OUT.
I NEED YOU AWAY. }

Today I began to hem,
rein in the threads that grow free
when left unstitched

I ticked a set of books
and, though I love my charges,
my heart hurt

My language is another,
my experience of this globe
unutterably different,
though geographically the same

And I want to help them play the game, I do,
but I don’t trust those
telling me how to

My instincts,
honed by humans I trust, unless
I’m lost in my own Truman Show,
show me the right way to go,
divergent  from this current shitshow

The pedagogy of care
is somewhere way, way
over there

Not hate,
Loss is a more apt opposite.
I don't hate.
Euphoria is distilled to misery;
Happiness trickles into sadness;
Delight drips to deflation.
Nope, I don't hate.
I'm lost, Love.

don’t you know how much I
love you I love you I
only want what I
think is best
for you I
really do know best I
will take care of everything honey I
promise you I
just want you to be happy I
just want you to behave

If we were a movie,
I’m sure no one would watch
since you got the girl,
despite breaking her heart.
One, the times you cheated,
two, the times you’ve lied
about where you are or who you’re with.
I can’t count the times I’ve cried.
Yet I wake up every morning
wrapped in your warm embrace,
a spell so toxic I forget
those days you lied right to my face.
Am I weak or just forgiving?
Have you changed or your disguise?
Either way I’ve little choice
since I’m addicted to this lie.
Yes, there’s no denying I should hate you
after all you’ve put me through.
The facts are undeniable
yet still I’m sure I love you.

She wanted me first, always a lust
for me
Coaxed me to her side, always so
curious to me.

She desired me then, the impossible conquest
I was
Opened to me like petal to a rose, so
beautiful she is.

She hated me next, the guarded sentinel
she saw.
My heart was protected from her, so
scorned she was.

She loves me now, her one true soulmate
I am
I gave myself, in my being, for always
happy we are.