How well I know this place
with its multicolored, sloping gardens
and glittering, fountained pools
but its beauty is fleeced by repetition

Loneliness tests the resolution of the young
with our howling appetite to experience
and be shaped by exposures.

Like the gleaming barrel of a gun,
the clock points at nothing
and the crimson sunset leads
to another empty, quiet night.

I’ve been working on my website - it’s been neglected far too long.
I’ve been wearing out Spotify - I may have listened to every song.
I walk five miles a day - because you’ve got to get outside
and I can easily spend an hour a day on “Just Dance” exercise.
I’ve been taking free on-line courses at “open university”
They have a thousand choices - an almost endless diversity.
Have you ever heard of “Headspace” - it can help you to relax
If you haven’t tried meditation for stress - I think it’s unsurpassed.
I’m learning about meal planning and cooking things with ease
I’ve been Zooming with a friend in China, to freshen up my Cantonese.
Even with a thousand distractions - this lockdown is driving me crazy
But it isn’t because I have nothing to do, and it isn’t because I’m lazy.
People just need people - so that we can laugh, love and compete,
or simply be together - that’s how humans feel complete.

I don't deserved to be loved
I don't deserve anything
Worthless and waste of space
I shouldn't receive a thing

There are better people
Yes there are better people around
Why waste time in caring for me
This hopeless corpse lying on the ground

I've hurt too many
And maybe even more than once
Whenever I get close
I'm bound to harm, it's like a curse  

There is so much wrong in me
Mind, body, and soul broken
There is no saving me
My fate has already been chosen

Please don't come near
Avoid the struggle headed your way
Can I at least prevent more pain
If alone I stay?

I have to say, this isolation doesn't appear to be affecting me at all.

I was thinking... The wind must come from somewhere.

Do the trees make the wind with their ceaseless moving around?

“KKKeeeeepp STILL!!” I shriek at the trees from my bedroom window but they pretend not to hear. Science says trees can talk to each other over some secret, underground, filament-like network - so I know the ba$tards are listening.

And I don’t know about this new generation of birds - these tearless, happy birds that chirp just to be fashionable. They annoy me when they pretend to be unaware of the value of silence.

“Shut UP!” I scream at a speckled bird who stares down at me like I’m insignificant.

“Yeah, the woolly mammoths ignored us too,” I remind it.

I give it the two-fingered, back and forth “Yeah, I’m watching you” gesture.

Then it just chirps right past me, as if I don't exist. Aaarrrgghhh!

So I give that bird the bird.

Please care.
Love's slants and spins have me dizzy.
Thy laughter's the star I navigate to
Thy voice a song I listen for
Thy touch I long for

Please care.
I make heated love's impious oaths.
Thy sigh is my pleasure as well
Thy smile is worth gold
Thy look my is my sun

There's no sheltering in a public place.
There's no coming together face to face.
Keeping away from you keeps me secure,
I’m keeping away from you, but praying for a cure.
Obeying all the rules 'cause that's how I roll.
But staying away from you is taking quite a toll.
I'm getting weirder and weirder as time goes by
No distraction techniques are making this all right.
Laying in bed all night wide-eyed and hardly sleeping.
Enjoying my binge of repetitive negative thinking.