i was fine being alone,
but after that 5 hour long,
i haven’t been myself anymore
so freaking different from before

this weird feeling of misery,
when my day ends without your company;
this new, strange habit of smiling unconsciously,
when i remember things—you, basically;
this constant cycle of longing desires i have for you,
and not wanting to,
only to conclude that i’m missing you;
this odd mood swing that i suffer with,
from hating you, to liking you more,
when you suddenly appear,
realizing how it’s not complicated to forgive;
this persistent idea of clinging onto your life,
being unimaginably patient when i never was;
foolishly opening my eyes wide,
so that you won’t have to wait that much

—𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙝, 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨

Eyes searching eyes
In a crowded room
When your smiling eyes meets mine
People disappear
And time stands still
Hypnotize me with your eyes
Craving that drug you give me
When you look at me
Nobody knows
Our secret language
Our fascination
And our fantasies never revealed

Long distance stares
Blurry, nondescript
I've been leading you
Into an abyss
Saw your smile turn
Into a frown
When I'm around
If you look deeper
You'll see the mask I wear
Is only for you

Searches the room
For your smiling face
That brightens my day
But panic sets in
Because you are not there
Don't be gone forever from my sight
There are things I wanted to say to you
Can't let that moment pass without a clue
I needed clarity from you
We all know how this ends
Radio silence till the end

my thoughts scattered like chaff in the wind
dandelion seeds in a spring breeze
when you first spoke to me

"deep in thought, are you?" you ask, smiling
the cafe was suddenly so loud
your eyes so bright
life so vibrant

i smile back, nervously hesitate
(is this happening!?)
then "you caught me
lost in the urban sprawl of my mind
it's nice to meet you, i'm sean"

but before we could touch
you disappeared down a side street
lit by neon signs; red, pink, blue
and i realized you were just my fantasy

a desire, too good to be true

Just ten days but it feels too long,
being without you's way too wrong,
and I miss you lips latching onto mine.
.
Miss your hands sliding on my skin,
miss the taste of our sweetest sin,
four long days 'til the finish line.
.
Your honeyed voice is what I need,
feel your strength as you take the lead;
gotta melt again in your arms.
.
I feel so safe when you're holding me,
the warmth in your eyes - all I see,
getting lost in your charms.
.
The way your laugh lights up the room
will raise me up, out of my tomb,
like the Universe is all ours.
.
Oh my love, my soul, my light,
I can hardly wait for that night,
So I can breathe your scent for hours.
.

We make it through the night
alright.

I'm never ready to answer
when tommorow calls.

I loved that single braid in your hair.
The way you fought against the morning.
How, you ensnared my senses.
Your carefree smile
that betrayed your defenses:
I loved.

Summer is setting in.

The time we belong to
is seeing further restrictions.
So it doesn't feel selfish suggesting
" maybe we can stay like this...a little longer?"

The blinds are closed.
Still the light out builds stronger.

And I'm a mind away from eyes wide open.

I'm unfulfilled.

The next few moments will be killing me.
They say dreams only last
when your mind isn't made-up
(honey you should stay,
if you are feeling this unsure...)

but the time has come.

This illusion: it is losing its allure.

The time has come to wake up.

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