I am not woman still healing
from scars,
from wars,
from lives,
I’m not yet ready to talk about.

I am not beautiful nor broken
I am not a poet trying to stitch together my mind in a way that makes sense...

I am not a doctor
I am not birthed as healer,
As nurturer
I am not the light,
The darkness.

I am not black woman who leads
Black woman who dances for hearts that are too afraid to beat a little unruly
I am not at all dripping lonely
Or mimicking the sun when morning comes again
I am not both enamored by life and saddened by it

I am not the lighthouse
The storm
The final destination

I am not everything you’ve ever wanted
I am not the woman who got away
I am not what you stole from you.
I am not waiting to be whole here.

My anxieties run through me like river
I am not all beautiful
But I am trying to be alive anyways
I drink coffee to join mornings
I take deep breaths to live inside of moments

I observe so I can see you without my presence as a distraction
I take in your lips so I know what coming together feels like
I dance with your hands to feel everything all at once
I leave the blinds open so I can move with nature

All of this is to say that I am working to be here
Please do not add to my mourning
I am human too
I am real
I have feeling in my chest
And I don’t want to shatter
So much so… that I never get to glow

... At least just once.

I wanted him to be you.
But he never is.
And the next one just becomes my next flirtation with distraction,
until he becomes disappointment.
I keep stumbling into those.
I keep chasing after your spirit,
Settling when I see teeth sharp enough to let my secrets through...

I am scared.
I am love.
I am waiting for you ...but,
I keep getting him ...
I am terrified for my heart,
Terrified never to be open
Never to feel because I keep
stepping out,
then shattering
and caving back into my brokenness.

Still I keep reaching...
always lonely,
Trying to stay open for you...

I will remain alone until you find me,
Even if you don't.
Even if you choose not to.


-Indigo Morrison

God has got to be angry
with the way I keep calling his name...
But, he some how isn't able to hear me
with the way I can't make myself keep breathing,
my eyes fill, but nothing leaks
I have nothing left to lose and he keeps missing my call...
Our schedules aren't matching up
And I can't find the heart to keep reaching for his...
My lips are swollen from all the biting,
my eyes are burning....
He wont answer me so I can rest,
So I can breathe ...
I just want to breathe.
....People create loneliness
So I keep trying to fill myself with myself
But its hard to love you when you keep forgetting to forgive yourself first.

-Indigo Morrison