I've never felt second best,
Being a twin, you get asked a lot of questions:
"Who's older?"
"Who's smarter?"
"Who's the favorite?"
But you never gave into them:
"They were born at the same time"
"They both have straight A's"
"I love them both so much"
What's changed?

I've learned that I'm younger,
Only by a second—a moment,
My birth certificate bears a different time,
Yet we still tell people we're the same age
Because the difference doesn't define us.

Now I'm starting to fail my classes,
Not a single A to my name anymore.
You must think of her as the smarter one,
While I'm the one who can't be bothered:
No homework, no studying, no perfect SAT score.
Have things changed because you've finally chosen a favorite?
And of course, it's her.

I've grown to hate myself,
So it's not surprising you do too.
You see yourself in me and loathe it,
Support no longer feels like support
Because you can't imagine I'd be anything like you:
Of course I'm not sad,
Or anxious enough to pass out,
Of course I'm faking when I'm throwing up
So you'll send me to school.

But when she wants to stay home,
You shower her with love,
Buy her favorite foods,
While you'd take mine away to keep me thin.

When I want to disappear,
I'm still second best.
You'll cry, but still yell,
Making me feel guilty for wanting you to care.

I'll keep my head down—float with the majority,
And try to live with being second priority.
But know that I am more than your reflection;
More than a twin, more than second best.
I am my own person, worthy of love,
Even if you can't see it yet.

Angry as ever, aggressive to the core,
What love has touched his heart, still it remained sore
The giant house with cinderella's steps
Touched the hearts and minds of guests
Underneath the wealth, a resentment crept

Teardrop water stained the concrete slabs that surrounded a steep skateboard ramp and was as full as a whale
The family stood eyes opened and faces white-dove-pale
At the sight of the once hardworking man
With train smoke erupting out of his ears, complaining and yodeling an aggressive song that only helped fill up the empty skate ramp

Although it was big, although it had needs and wants like a cat has whiskers
There was not enough of what the inhabitants needed
The house was large and it never won, it had no love to spread to all

Grim drops slowly through the window
His front door's broken, the lock is gone
On the way home from school he saw an omen
It told him tonight would be long.

Grim shouts his mother get your lazy **** over here
And Grim shouts his father get in here and bring me a beer.

Grim drops his schoolbag and walks to the kitchen
And plonks down a beer on the table for father to drink
With his TV show watching the Simpsons
As mother lies hazily under the influence
Grim leaks slowly up the staircase
Into his room with the chain on the door

He pours himself into bed, lies on his back
He looks at the clock and he's sure
Eleven eleven, it's one one one one
It's the omen his demons have told him about

Wish on a star they said, and if that doesn't work
Wait til the clock pulls you out of all doubt.

Grim waits for nightfall
He doesn't have dinner
He's been getting thinner
But no one has seen.

He seeps from the bedroom
Down stairs and through hallways
He knows he is going where he hasn't been.

Grim please don't do it his friends would all say
(If he had any friends but he doesn't)

You know teachers despair of him
Teenagers laugh at him
Old ladies scared of him

GO ****** GO

Grim sets his face to determined
He runs down the path to the cliff
He launches himself from the edge and he flies

For a wonderful moment
A heartrending moment
A glorious screamingly awesomest moment

And then...

Then all is Grim.

My home was a womb,
warm and safe
All noise muffled
by my own content at just being.

Mother, father
gave me strength
through food, shelter
Some empty words that sounded like
'I love you's
that faded like
the paint on the walls

And only appeared as goodbyes.

What happened to safety?
Who needs the cosiness and warmth of the womb
when hot climates invite us through flat screen TV's

Mother, father,
why are you leaving
and taking my safety with you?
And my two loves, my fur friends
Always there.

More than you have been
during my new life

How can you be so insensitive to the tears
that flow from my sister's eyes?
As you take her womb and give it to another

Inside, I suffer as
my old life disappears with the laughter
and camaraderie
to soon be replaced
by legal documents
and one question...

Why?