I’ve never understood the pull of the nightlife.
I was always content to hang in my cave and enjoy the homelife.
Every now and then I do wag my tail and purse the trail of the pack,
Always lingering right at the back of the queue.

I follow their scent when they descend into the night,
While they ascend the social status stairway.
From my perch at the bar I watch the social sheep dancing to the beat of popularity:
The girls show off their twirls and brunette curls,
Inviting you into the funhouse down under that never shuts for festivities.
The boys weigh up their options with the biceps on display and perfect quiffs held up by ten tins of hairspray.
Hunting through the flocks of feet trying to find themselves a piece of meat for an all night feast.

When he finally finds his muse he bites her lip and grabs her hair, pulling her in without a care about those who stop and stare.
They kiss for seconds and he whispers in here ear,
“I think we should get outta’ here.”
She giggles grabs his hand and leaves through the exit at the rear.
His friends give him a clap and cheer, whilst his jealous rivals sulk and sneer.

After a few too many drinks I leave through the front, holding my head low to avoid a fight.
Bearing the brunt of another unsuccessful night with no young light to take home and ignite.
I fall on my floor with a case of helicopter head as the room spins in circles and squares in front of my eyes.
My lasting thoughts are of the day ahead; hanging dry and feeling as if I’d rather die.

It's just another day in my nightlife.

father ****** your sister,
as it goes, as it always goes
and mom is out running errands,
spending that hard earned dollar
on white bread & fruit juice
that’ll just go bad in the cupboard

yellow tv static fills the room
& you’ve always hated those
glasses of milk, half-empty
lying about the house
like they were occupying
a foreign country at war

jack is in the shower,
touching himself, crying
‘cause no one ever holds him
or told him it was okay to do that
this **** will stick with him
for decades, at the least

tuesday night, mid-summer
your best friend is on line,
******* about that new pair
of jeans, the ones that ripped
right open, just yesterday
when she tripped & fell


the neighbor is whining to his mistress
something about his lonely wife
meanwhile she’s somewhere else,
cashing his checks,going to
buy herself something pretty
just to make herself feel right


*& you, glued to the couch
watching the wall, praying
for telekinesis, hoping that
if you stare long enough,
it might give way & let
you out of this box

An award
Graduating with honors
A steady salaried income
A title
COO of the company
The biggest, luxuriest condo
A prestigious position
Actress
Moviestar
President
Congress
All definitions
Societies perception
If you ask me
I'd disagree
To me it's about progression
How's your homelife?
Stress level?
Are you comfortable in your skin?
How's your confidence?
Didn't anyone tell you?
Happiness comes from within.
Success is you
Your story, your strengths
Your talents, your family, your friends
If I ask you, would you be proud of who you are?
Titles and money
mean nothing in the end.

A crushing terror
Combined with error
I can’t breathe
Quivering like a leaf
As I fall down,
Down this deep empty hole
Where I’m worth no more than a meaningless mole
I feel like a mime
Staying silent so I don’t explode
While I’m riding down this seemingly endless road

The thing is
Knowing you’re making something out of nothing
Knowing that I can breathe
Even though it feels like my lungs are closing in
Collapsing in on each other
Knowing that it is irrational
Don’t say I’m emotional
Therapy does not work
They cant fix my quirk
Method after method after method
Feeling neglected

Collapsing inside
Wating for the pain to subside
Yelling to keep others
From becoming my fear
It can be anything
One cough
Twitch
Sound
It comes like a wave strong and fierce
Like feeling the first pierce
Of a blade as it brushes your skin

In 2016 2⁄3 of college students reported having overwhelming anxiety
You see what pressure people go through
Whether it’s about
Homelife
Social life
School life
Homework
Or diagnosed anxiety

Once I had a friend
A knife slit her wrists
Spilling blood onto the floor
What more, what more, what more
An internal struggle
Her thoughts muddled
All I could do was watch
As she fell down this empty dark chasm
With no possible way to escape
Not a single way out
I can’t do anything
I’m a statue in her garden

I wish I could run
Wish I could hide
But I’m the friend
That you confess and confide in
The one that you trust
When I leave I worry I will never see you again
Not because you’ll leave
But because the knife will slit too deep
I know its selfish
But I just wish
I could change everything for you
But soon its all going to be darkness and gloom

Then you stopped writing
You stopped calling
You stopped caring
I know you’re there
But why does it feel like I’m the only one here
Send me a sign,
just to let me know you’re fine

So I’m not stuck in the in-between

Foremost gratitude heavenly indebted,
jumbling kindling, linkedin mourning
numbness overlaid, pervaded, quashed,
routed thoroughly undermined vibrant
warbling, when xing yesterday's youth

zigzagging, accompanying blitzkrieg
cleaving deafeningly exploding,
formative grim homelife, indelibly
jabbing kid, (little me) nonstop,
overwhelming progeny, quintessentially

robbing, stunting, tormenting
unrelentingly vitality wrenching,
why xyst, zapping assiduousness,
begetting, crushing, destroying essential
fortitude, generating grievousness,

hellacious intractable joylessness,
kneading loneliness, murdering nascent
opportunistic potential, quiet, reserved,
timid, untested voiceless x years,
zilch accomplishments, boyhood

cheated, dieted, extremely famished,
gifted hirsute heir, ill, jettisoned
kippered lunkhead mealy mouthed,
nerdy, outlier psychologically quartered,
repressed self, tamped universal vitality,

withheld Xmas yearnings, zapped
animalistic basic cravings, denied
endeavoring fulfillment, gouged hole
inside, jawboned, kept lid mentally,
nixed opportunities, pronouncedly

quarantined, rabidly snatched tasting
ultimate vibrant x2c, yanked zipline,
aborting bequeathed capacity depriving
eats, forever ghosting hated individual,
jackknifing, kickstarting livingsocial

mortgaged, never ordained physical
quests, ruined self, thoughtfulness
vanquished, worthiness Xrayed,
yabadabadoo zone agitated
beyond crafting development,

executed firstrate glorious human,
impounded jailed kindred love,
manifested nebbish, obliged pleasing
quirky ridiculous travesty, unleashed

vapid wretchedness, xyz, attempted
bizarre concoction, decoding
essentially fruitless, go head issue
joker kick.