Take me to your *******
@cisgenderwhitemale
in salmon shorts sport polo
boat shoes and expensive cologne—
I, emissary of the InterPlanetary
Order of Eugenically-Minded Denizens (IPOEMD),
have come to rid the world
of this contagion—
who for too long has
beguiled us with their
wicked fashion sense
and appalling profile pictures
appearing on friends’ dad’s yachts
smiling behind a pair of Ray-Bans
with a glass of champagne
drunk underage.
Your valedictorian address
bored me,
your sexist racist homophobic xenophobic (etc. etc.)
inside jokes to your friends
on the lacrosse team
sickened me—
I’ve had to listen to you
brag about your ***** size
since puberty and your discovery
of Spike TV—
I watch you mock Black English
in tweets and hashtags
from locker rooms where
the talk can range from
racial slurs to ****-shaming spurs
(talk never to ****
upon its potential revelation
in a political campaign)—
I film your weddings
where you dance all night
in your Aryan enclave
to top 40 songs
screaming “This is my jam!!!”
I scroll through your #familyvaca2k17 posts,
the immaculate hotels and poolside views
concealing the succeeding flophouses crumbling adobes
and dog-ridden streets of dirt and infinite trash—
I see you engrave in bold
ALL LIVES MATTER
BLUE LIVES MATTER
AMERICAN LIVES MATTER
on every writable surface—
and as a meninist,
lament about the harrowing trials
as a victim of reverse racism.
[The white man’s burden
is to carry the weight
of their inability
to be anything
other than
incorrigible.]
I have come to rid the world of you
once and for all:
Taking the Gideon’s bible
from every hotel
and replacing it with
feminist literature,
burning down every
Banana Republic and
coinciding shopping mall,
cutting the brakes
to every Mercedes, Lexus,
and BMW with a
“Salt Life” sticker
on the back window—
You wear your ethnocentrism
like the sleeves of the cardigan
wrapped around your neck
swaying in the air conditioned wind
like a little cape—
[Behold, Cis-Man!
Whose superpowers include:
Getting away with ****
and perpetuating **** culture,
Minimal jail sentences (if at all),
Guaranteed college entry,
Speeding ticket immunity,
and impeccable draft dodgings.]—
I solemnly swear,
I make a pledge
to never procreate
if it will perpetuate
this vile sect of humankind—
I take a vow of celibacy,
I spill my ***** into the dirt—
not one egg will be fertilized,
not one will be conceived
to the soundtrack of Coldplay,
or Kid Rock, or whatever hair metal ballad
conceived you in the first place—
You are a logical phallicy.
You want to talk about eugenics,
you want to stop
breeding all the “retards
spittin’ on your kids”
at the amusement park—
Pledge chastity with me:
Interbreed,
undilute the strain—
and together,
we can end
the White Man’s True Burden:
Existence.
(p.s.
And it is with great irony
that I write this as one of you—
the Judas to your
Megachurch TV Caucasian Christ—
I write it because
if it were by one of
whom you’ve held
under your [jackboots to boat shoes]
since time immemorial—
they’d never stand
to read it—
for even mutiny
among these ranks
has its own
privileges.)
