the more I eat the more I hate
my body someone please relate
i read about your nice quick fix
i'll stick to every classic trick
my throat tastes like acid re-flux
so why didn't the toothbrush work?
f**k.
you look at me and see my eyes?
but look again you'll see my thighs,
look again my soul is fat,
my words are binging,
my mind is flat.
A brand new verb I'll save away
just like my tears they slave away
i whisper signs among my friends,
they don't eat we just pretend
nicotine and gum and ice,
we'll cover up your thoughts- how nice
an image for your catalog,
a story in your monologue,
mono street light, mono please.
the girl fell over, hear her plea

Toxicity runs down the sink drain tonight
I look at the mirror as if my eyes could bite
My throat tries to forget the things that I told it
My mind bends quiet 'round the counter I'm holding

My stomach feels clean but my hands- they feel *****
My knees hit the floor and mama don't worry
Because sooner or later I'll lose this long fight
Just let the mistakes be flushed out tonight

My body resisted, the first war that I won
I feel control over myself- like the moon o'er the sun.
My legs crave for more so they won't let me leave
This is my toothbrush sob-love reality.

I thought I was smart enough to know that five m&m’s isn’t a meal

i dont know what to do
at this point
i feel nothing
i keep running around in circles
trying to figure it out
but i see the end of this rotary
thousands of miles away
and im so tired
so i cannot reach it

I’ve always craved skinny,
The way other fourteen year olds craved their parents *****
I wished for hip bones that could slice me in half
Skinny was always a glowing exit sign in a dark room

Breakfast was 4 glasses of water
My organs floated in my body like trash in the ocean
I didn’t feel full unless I was empty
Which doesn’t make sense
But neither does starving yourself
Yet I mastered that a long time ago  

I still count the minutes after I eat
Food feels like a brick in my stomach
Some days I want to feel my bones more than I want to be healthy

It’s been six years since I first looked at food
and saw only numbers
My bones are no longer accessible
Most days I eat three meals and don’t think about it
Some days I break apart sticks of gum
Dividing 5 calories
Into a full days meal

Some days I want to be skinny
More than I want to be happy
And most days I realized how ****** up that sounds
But sometimes I miss the shipwreck that filled my hollow bones
Sinking organs with no hope against the water I fed them

I'm not an obvious kind of pretty
I don't have natural blonde hair
Or bright blue eyes
No perky little *****
No gap between my thighs
I don't look like anyone else
I bleach my own hair
Use drug store eyeshadow
And **** shopping in Topshop

I have lumps and bumps
Cellulite and pudge
Blackheads and bacne
And prodigious pours
A recipe for nothing special at all!
Just someone average
Who has a bright twinkle
In her fog grey eyes
And curvy hips and ****
That sway in the sun

You have to look close
To see all my beauty
I'm not a runway model
Or a ******* bunny
Just someone on the sidelines
Watching the runway models and bunnies
While they get the attention
And I get brushed by
It's not obvious that I'm beautiful
Until you look into my eyes
Until you see my semi-white smile
Then you notice the little moles
The red and silver scars
The way my body curves
In a voluptuous ans peachy way
And then you see
Just how ******* perfect I am