Have you ever wondered
About the youth of your parents
How do they look like
How have they been brought up
How did they meet
How did they fall in love?
How did they make us?

I had these questions with me since i grow up
Probably because my parents aren't that open up
Probably because they were so busy raising us up
Probably because its an Asian thing i assumed privacy as such.
So somehow, to me, parents’ life before us were so blurry and doesn't seem to ever existed
Not until the day i had my mom on the back of the scooter
As we rode to the temple where we store the leftover of our beloved dad

She told me about their past
A young guy in his teenager days
Lay eyes on her as they met on a communal working day
He asked for her hand before summoned military service
Not directly to her but through a relative
She forgot him as soon as she left for college
Busy chasing her love life, never heard from him in thousand days, he was too far away.

When the war over, he returned home, she was working in a distant village
He refused my grandpa’s arrangement, went on a journey to seek
For his first and only girl he ever fallen in love with
He found mom after her 5 or 6 failure romances.
They started distant relationship for a while before getting married.
She continued working in the faraway village and he returned to military service
To serve in another “nonsense war” (this is my words)

And honestly i still cant imagine how did they make us
‘Cause i never seen them holding hands, showing affection in front of us
But its real - they do fall in love
They do have their heyday before us

And even though i never seen them talking about love
I now realized its just a different way of showing how they love
By fighting; yet, taking care of each other for better or worse
By sometimes hurting each other...
But at the end of the day, one can change other’s diaper when he can no longer move

I cant tell if he was the love of her life when she decided to tight the knot.
But looking at her shivering shoulder, her teary eyes now every time we talk
About our beloved and only man
and whatever reminded us of him
I can think of nothing to explain but love

Have you ever wondered
How did our parents live before having us?
And how would you tell your future children
About your youth...

Can you blame me? Yea I was in and out the bed, goin to and from men, looking for affection.

You can love another child that's not yours, give them hugs, buy them gifts, all the while treating my like ****, like I'm some kid off the streets. Or some so so child you gotta babysit?

I'm sorry for the things I've done, but this wouldn't have happened, if you hadn't did what you done.

You gave me all I wanted in the world for a minute, but then I mess up, own up, and you dismiss me like 'forget it'? Not even a third chance, you brushed me off like dirt on your pants.

You expect me to strong, but you don't answer when I call, and you get angry when someone talks to you about me, and then put me at fault, when really your the one that made the push that ultimately led to my fall.

You told me you'd always be there, that you'd love me through it all, but clearly all you care about is that woman you call your wife, she's just temporary,at anytime she could drop out your life.


But me? I'm permanent. You can take that to the bank, but daddy why I gotta ask; for me do you have so much hate?

How come you left my mom?
Was she too sweet,
like the sugar she saturated your coffee in,
Or was she too kind,
letting you buy every
little boy play station game?
She warmed you like the sun,
penetrating your skin,
tanning your insides.
Was she too bright, beautiful,
mesmerizing?
How come when I see you, I still smile?
As my family curses your name, I smile.
When they tell me “He’s not a good father” , I defend.
their nostrils flare, but I
smile.

How come I forgave you so **** easy?
Maybe, so I can forgive myself,
for not being daddy’s little girl.
Not being able to gently step on your feet,
dance around the house.
For not being my sister, who has a father,
Enveloping her in wave after wave
of calm ocean love.

How come you haunt my dreams?
Voice calm, forgiving,
whispering: “I love you.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“I miss you.”
soft whispers of broken promises echo

How come you stayed for him?
Was it because you knew
you could play baseball with him?
Or was it because when he turned 15,
you could teach him
how to pick up girls like dandelions?

How come boys break promises?
Not just boys, men.
Men like you,
Who tell 10-year old’s that
their present is on the way:
“It’s in transit.”
“It’s in the mail.”
“I just shipped it.”
“It should be there.”
“Happy Birthday Honey.”

How come I look for guys like you?
They say I’m “asking for it.”
Wanting to ****** up every simple, soft
smiling, cold
hearted, Uncomitting,
immature boy.
Maybe they’ll keep me
company
‘til you return.
You were my first definition
of a prince,
How charming.

How come I don’t trust anyone,
even that nice boy swaying silently to the song
that I adore, or that one who helps me
through dreadful chemistry lectures?

How come you text “I love you”?
When I’m alone, crying
over the latest breakup,
Submerging myself in heart wrenching
love songs,
Drowning in the comforting
lyrics. The soft ping of a text,
imitating conversation.
Your name
A heart emoji
I love you.

Your texts have become another promise.
I have begun to count down the days
until those words are murmurs
And three words become
zero.

How come, I still say “I love you too”?
How come you walked away before I could even walk?
How come my last name still follows me around like a brand?
How come you moved so ******* far away?
How come I believed you year after year,
Winter
Spring
Summer
Fall
Winter
Spring
Summer
Fall
Winter
Spring
Summer

Where are my presents,
Wrapped quickly in promises,
stamped “return to sender”

I'm not the best dad known to man
I don't have money or fame
I definitely don't have super strength
I stagger from life's pain!
I haven't been just where I should
Beside you everyday
I haven't followed My Lord's design
In life or any way!
I haven't lived a life to brag
Or be so proud about
Yet one things known that when I love
It's love you'll never doubt!
So as you read these words right now
As written from my heart
Just know I'm in Gods fold again,
I've got a brand new start!
Now as I live each day for Him
I'll show you love you've  missed
I'll tell you what you are to me
Let's start with this small list -
You're my princess and my angel
My precious shooting star
My gorgeous gem, the brightest pearl,
My ALL is what you are!

I still stretch like a cat in the morning
Holding the breath of my last dream
inhaling the thoughts of my next one
You never meet me there.

I stumble to the kicthen
Wash my hands
& fry my eggs sunnyside up
You never meet me there.

I place my favortie coffee mug upon the counter
Fill it with rich, smooth, bold,  black coffee
let the creamer sweeten it as I open the blinds
You never meet me there.

Your absence is a noisy silence
When my heart yearns for you
It beats like an Orchestra
I don't know where you've gone
I do know my Mothers patience
Beyond a virtue
Is more like Celeste
Either she believes she'll see you again
Or you've never left

I cry sometimes
More often then I should
it doesn't get any easier
You never meet me there.

I reminisce sometimes
Not as often as I should
there's a peace in my past
I cannot leave you there.

You are my Father
You did your job
Above average is your middle name
Greatly was your first
& the last you left behind for us, Love
Greatly Above Average Love
You set a standard
You are my latest
Greatest
Inspiration
A million Thank You's I never gave
A billion hugs I can no longer give
When I make it to the deepest corners of my heart
I am confident
You will meet me there! <3

Mommy's little little girl for that you are,
keep your wings they'll take you far.

Mommy's' precious girl for that you'll always be,
Please always know how much you mean to me.

I always knew the day would come where you'd stop crawling and start to run,
And when the day came oh I was proud but I missed the little girl who begged me to carry her around

Mommy's  lovely girl when i tucked you in and kissed you goodnight,
I'd whisper I'll love you all my life,

For which you'd respond mommy please, I'll love you much more for eternity

Mommy's  gorgeous girl for one you'll soon be,
I'll guide your flight but soon you'll flee.

I'll look away and back again,
And suddenly a year will be ten

Mommy's  little girl I hope I'm ready,
For soon enough you'll be steady,

You'll fly off to do great things,
And I'll look back at all the memories.

But despite it all you'll always be,
Mommy's little girl, at least to me.