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Hailyn Suarez Feb 2019
they hang as banner flags in a sinning room






all but reminders,

all but suggestions.

surely, purification is out of the question,

sitting unquestionably in a college dorm.

compassion is seldom met,  

as tests land, obtrusively on the same Friday.

a Friday.  

prosperity in which we are striving to be,

losing sleep,  

losing time.

all for it.

knowledge tries to be a friend,

tries to take time to nourish the alcohol flooded brain  

the flags continue to flutter, eyeing all those who pass,

reaching out sewn up fingers and cloth covered mouths.

maybe they should be listened to, devoted to, prayed to,

or perhaps, they should be ripped down
april 5, 2017 written
Hailyn Suarez Feb 2019
Because I loved you

Because you filtered away my doubts

Because you created a picture, a frame, and a decoration

Because you promised

Because whenever I see your name I want to scream

Because when I see your name I think of you

Because when I think of you, I think of it, that day

Because you promised

Because when I was down, you picked me up

Because your soul was in sync with mine

Because you brought out the best in me

Because you promised Because I loved you

Because you filtered away my doubts

Because you created a picture, a frame, and a decoration

Because you promised

Because whenever I see your name I want to scream

Because when I see your name I think of you

Because when I think of you, I think of it, that day

Because you promised

Because when I was down, you picked me up

Because your soul was in sync with mine

Because you brought out the best in me

Because you promised

Because when you said “forever” I tried not to believe it

Because when you said it, you were so confident

Because you told me I was your one and only

Because you promised

Because when you shattered my heart, I cried
Because I cried for days and days, my eyes grew tired
Because my eyes grew tired so did my mind
Because you promised

Because when someone promises, I expect them to let me down, and  
Because I was hoping you’d be different, I fell
Because when I fall, I fall hard
Because you promised

Because as I sunk deeper into your arms, I saw my future
Because I saw us at the altar, I saw us in the delivery room
Because I felt sure that you would be my always
Because you promised

Because 3 month and 9 days ago you let me go

Because when I begged for you to stay, you said “I don’t know what to say.”

Because you cried and I cried, I believed it wasn’t over

Because you promised

Because when you took our pictures down I felt empty  

Because I hadn’t taken mine down, mine are still up

Because you happened

Because you promised

Because I let myself fall for you

Because I let you take my heart into your two greedy hands

Because when you looked into my eyes, I believed

Because you promised

Because when you said I love you, I didn’t know it was  

Because you were saying goodbye

Because you were with her now

Because you promised

Because she was closer in proximity

Because 131 miles was too far for you

Because when you wanted ***, I wasn’t there

Because you promised

Because when I said forever, I meant it

Because you were my all

Because I was the fool who let you in

Because you promised

Because I dressed how you wanted

Because I did what you wanted

Because I was the “perfect girlfriend”

Because you promised

Because you were mine

Because I was yours

Because I thought we would be that 2%

Because you promised

Because you left me broken

Because you crushed my heart

Because I wished you well

Because I promised
i wrote this about my ex boyfriend and found it in a folder. Dated September 7, 2017.
Hailyn Suarez Oct 2017
1.     Imagine you’re in an oil painting, hung up by just threads of string

This painting is of a beach, off the coast, sea breeze smells of wet sand

Everything’s magical here, the sky burns brighter and his smile seems more relaxed

Here is where I first met his demon

1.     They say “it’s **** when he’s rough.”

So, it’s **** when his fist seems like it’s about to break my nose like glass

Or is it hot when the grip on my arm will be a small

Unnoticeable bruise tomorrow

His lips drip toxins like absolute ***** that I’m forced to drink and

His eyes no longer shine like the oil painted sky,

They look like two pits of blue flames burning down a church.

1.     When I was backed into a corner, I pretended the walls were cylindrical

And the corners were curves

Matching the body, he presumed I didn’t want and

“make sure to write your food down.”

1.     It was the first time I feared my prince,

Of the one who said “your hand is only fit to hold mine” and

Morphed my brain into a puzzle piece for his game.

2.  A time when new beginnings occur

The sky lights up like a child in front of birthday candles and

A midnight kiss starts the year off right.

Another brawl, more angry words,

I told him to get away but his ears must have been deaf since all

He heard was “come here”

2.   His nails scratched marks into my skin and

my stomach turned in anguish against his chest

when your angel sheds its wings and

the horns appear, don’t pretend they aren’t there.

2.    Fear.

My tears streaked down on my evening look but

His eyes singed them up,

Licking each one like sun flares on Mars

And I found myself curled up in a ball of doubt

2. “it’s over. I’m done. I won’t deal with this anymore”

but I made him this way, I turned his baby blues into

terrible twos that grew into his teens.

I made his smile turn to an upside-down rainbow and his arms

into steel gates.

3. Winter wonderlands, where children play make-believe games and

throw harmless snowball blows.

He, wrestled my arms and bruised my heart,

Snatched it from my chest and gnawed it with barred teeth.

I think, demons come in many shapes and his was icing on a

Birthday cake.

His was the ring on my left hand that curled around my finger like

Barbed wire and held snug like a chain linked dog.

3.  think of a mother’s whisper, a dad’s sweet song, imagine the sounds of laughter

now ignite it gasoline and you’ll get his voice.

Cutting deeper and deeper into my torn up, ****** up mind.

3.  It’s hard to hide in a car with seats greased by leather

Find somewhere to avert your eyes while his

Hands clutch your chin but,

Not in the way that’s “endearing”

No, the way that makes you turn away if seen in public, if seen here,

If seen anywhere.

3. “This won’t happen again”

“I’m here till the end”

“I love you baby”

“Please just come here”

“I would never hurt you”

3 times it happened, 3 times I stayed.
Written as a free-write for my poetry class. My professor ended up in tears.
Hailyn Suarez Sep 2017
Can’t I just hold your hand
Try to feel your soul inside mine
Relax, exhale, take my final inhale

Drift off to sleep in my arms,
Blanketed in certainty and unattainable infatuation
Make me whole

Fill my fragmented cracks with the cement of your devotion
Tile the rooms of my brain with glass
To see within the deserted halls
see the shadows creeping out of obscurity
see the graffitied window panes,
Covered with initials of lost people

Make me feel alive
Enchant me with your laugh
Douse me with your tongue licks,
Feeling like stinging hornets or a
Tattoo needle crawling across my flesh
Battling the many scars, bruises, freckles, marks
Trace my veins with fingertips of silk

Dance under this canopy of frostbitten ceiling fans
Relinquish power to the earths seductive pulse
Be with me

Conform your broken body with mine and
Feel my sweet tears drip into your abyss
Soak them up like dried up dandelions
Shed them too

When you feel, I feel
Say jump and I’m
not scared of the height
Air is openness and the ground is your arms
Gravitate towards me, my
radioactive body decays
Feel the radiation, the heart wrenching terrors of
unrequited loves that have left me in
shackles designed for thieves

You have stolen my heart
****** it out of its cold castle,
Crystalized by broken promises

Dream me a new day
Enfold me in destinations beyond our reach
And make sure to catapult my shattered limbs and
Flailing body at the sun,
For it shines brighter than me

Need the comfort of your giggle
Tickling me from the inside, invading my digestive system,
Planting seeds of butterflies

Cope with my sadness
I’ll cope with yours
Can’t I just hold your hand.
Written to be a spoken word poem; Marcy.
Hailyn Suarez Sep 2017
Pencil tips are like
Ladies hips
Gently swaying to the music
Gliding on frosted marble,
Drinking in the purity of
Rough parchment

Pencil tips are for when
ideas form words and
words form complexity
Scratching into notebooks,
Mountain peaks,
Translating concepts into
Mount Rushmore

Pens are too forceful
Pencils can be erased
Just like every memory stored
Within a coffee can
In a homemade time capsule

The priest said God is pure
But when he made us,
He used pencil tips,
paper thin lines
Tracing and retracing
Imperfectness is perfect he said

Japanese paintings
Created with brush strokes
Evok-ing pictures of marvelous queens,
Cowardly jesters,
Mighty kings,
Elegant ballerinas, and
Alluring princes

Pencil tips created these fantasies
Grandiose mirages fold and unfold
On top of tissue paper bibles,
Delicate taut skin

How do words create overbearing tears,
phantom heartbreak,
Jealous ex-girlfriends,
Infidelity infested ignorant *******,
breathtaking wedding bells?

Pencil tips
Written in University at Buffalo, while visiting my boyfriend, after loosing my first draft and having to start all over again.
Hailyn Suarez Sep 2017
Seeing through eyes blanketed by a
Fuzzy blanket, only intended for winter recess
Winter recess where the snowflakes drift in and
Out of ocular view, demanding to be looked at.
Japanese paintings folding, unfolding, transforming into
Little blurry bubbles of dark greens and
Blackened blues.
Glorious sunsets, smearing the sky with red hands look
They’re dry and hands cannot rub enough waterfalls and
Raindrops into them,
Leaving spider webs, fresh with rouge.
Written in common room of Marcy.
Hailyn Suarez Sep 2017
We danced together but alone,
Slow heartbeats mingled in the foreground,
Hands lightly pressed atop our fabric encased skin,
Eyes hissing with dimmed lust.

We danced together but alone,
Encased in a bubble of two,
Forgetting the steps to the dance,
Forgetting the words to the song.

We danced together but alone,
Smiling awkwardly,
Never making eye contact,
Fear crawling into each throat.

We danced together but alone,
Hiding bruises and scars,
Envisioning a new life outside the bubble,
Squeezing the only hand comfortable.

We danced together but alone,
Remembering days in the light,
Feelings of tripping on ecstasy,
This fairytale fantasy.

We danced together but alone,
Incredibly out of love,
Broken but whole,
Pretending to like the new song.

We danced together but alone,
Uncovering the veil around the brain,
******* the marks under each cuff,
Shedding tears unseen.
written in Mountain View, Marcy. (If anyone has any suggestions, all are welcome)
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