Thorns-
tighten, encircle,
posess, pierce
bereft hearts
low,
languid,
thoughts
fall,
as if a
misery
of
chilly rain,
we didn't know
you would-
become a sudden
traveler of the universe.

The abundant flow of grief
crashes down
like a tidal wave
over one
individual
lonesome
body at a time
With its strength
it pulls, pushes
spits out, thrashes, spins
the body of the bereaved
For moments tossing
the body so high
it sees all the stars
in a way stars, Earth,
water, sky have never been seen
A small gift from grief
A token of light
to ease our suffering

Sometimes I wake trembling with love
And in the rambling moments of my waking mind
Where the unconscious flirts with the conscious
And the mental seduction finds
thoughts not yet shaped to the daily plan
gone anyway
in this lockdown land
In those moments
early very early
I know he’s there
with me
Lays beside me
reassuringly
trembling with love
That’s on a good day.

©allierocket

There were these moments when you’d remember something I’d forgotten
Or blotted from my memory
Often highly embarrassing episodes where I’d exposed my clear ineptitude
And you’d lead me back through them, laughing,
Walking in the gardens of my shame and naming all my
Clear inadequacies until you creased with tears in your eyes

And you’d think I’d hide
But it was love
and I miss you

You’d quite often leave a small amount of liquid
In every glass you drank from
So that every time I picked it up in a hurry I’d hurl it
Onto my trousers, or sofa
Or the pile of letters you’d refused to open and I’d curse and rankle
Wishing you would just tip things down the drain

And you’d think I would go insane
But it was love
and I miss you

And when you pulled the duvet round yourself to make the perfect
Bed based sausage roll and I shivered through
The night because despite the fact I’m twice your size
You had a vicelike grip that would never
Once
Slip

I’m ill-equipped to deal with the real of you being gone

I pace the places that you were and get lost a lot

But not lost like we used to when you’d tell me it was just around the corner
And I’d point to the fact that the century had provided me
With an infinite map in my pocket
And you told me “**** it, let’s just go this way and see what we see.”
And we’d end up in some seedy part of town with some ****** staring me down and you’d hide behind me laughing
And we’d have to run for it, me with these knees

And you think that I’d go mad at you
And tell you that you wind me up
And tell you that I’ve had enough and you can figure you own **** out from now on

And now you’re gone
And it was love
and I miss you

It was a Thursday morning, when the world stopped turning.
Everything I knew, gone in an instant.
The silence, pounding in my ears
I fell, headfirst into a deep hole
Fragments of what had been my existence whirled past me
I had to grab something.  To hold on. To ground myself amidst the chaos.

It was a Thursday morning, when the world stopped turning
An ordinary day in the office, busy yet tedious.
The phone rang.  Nothing out of the ordinary there.
But on the other end was not a colleague. Not a client demanding an answer for a late payment.
There could only be one reason for this call.
The words were said and the world stopped.

It was a Thursday morning when I heard those words.
After a beat, I opened my eyes, released the breath I had been holding.
The world started to slowly turn once more
But it was now a different world.
A world without him.

It was a Thursday morning
All around me, people chatting, gossiping, complaining
They hadn’t felt the seismic change.  
Didn’t know that a life had been lost from the world.
My world.  The centre of my world.
The world I knew fell away on a Thursday morning.

You were always the faithful one
with a saviour in your heart
you had seen the light of the Lord
from the very start
even in your darkest days
and the autumn of your life
you never lost faith in the Lord
Lady of the light.

Now you have left this life
and in us a memory
but we all think of you
and how you used to be
you had been the special one
when you lived your life
with a special kind of love
Lady of the light.

And when I look back on life
I often think of you
looking out of your window
the way you used to do
watching children go off to school
in the morning light
smiling to the world outside
Lady of the light.

Now you are there in Heaven
and back again once more
with those who you had loved
who had to go before
always forever the faithful one
when you lived your life
for you had seen the light of the Lord
Lady of the light.

Put me in a coma
Knock me out hard
Because I can’t handle this wounding
I feel in my heart

Strip me of my skin
Burn me to the bone
Because nothing could possibly hurt more
Than him deciding to leave me and go home

Bring me a wave
To sweep me out to sea
Because it would be better than drowning
In my self made misery

Is there a drug I can take,
A place I can lay
So I can feel peace from  
My loss today

So give me the tablet
Numb my soul
Or bring back my lover
Bring him home