I've played this game for far too long
to consider quitting now
The consumption of anxiety for breakfast,
The lethargic depression on my plate for lunch
The constant debilitating fear of life for dinner
Will not break my core
I would eat scrap metal as a snack, and my body would howl with laughter at me,
How foolish to think that that would do anything to my bones
my body,
my poor, poor body,
absorbs everything I toss into my mouth,
sharp nicotine and old pomegranates
***** raspberries and foaming beer
black mould and cheap sugar
Despite
This:
My heart is still standing strong even though my shoulders don't register
I will fight this life if I have to,
I will live it if I can.
Spinal cords can break;
Blood cannot.

reminders of you are everywhere
in my mind
on my lips
on my fingers
as they curl up in frustration
why
why can't i just forget
every time i think
see
smell
think i hear your voice
it brings me back to a day that used to be
a day that i shouldnt be letting play over and over and over and over and over again
until all i want to do is cry
because it hurts
it hurts so much
it hurts to know that you don't think of me a one hundredth as much as i think about you
and then i think about how you are touching them
with the same hands and mouth and words and feelings you touched me with
and i want to scream.
i want to scream so loud and so long
because you knew exactly what to say to make it better and what if it all was a lie
one that you fed my hungry soul
because you said yourself you know
exactly the right words to say
and you use it to your advantage
you’re so ******* smart
and i couldn't keep up
you ran circles around me until i was the one out of breath.