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Syzygy Mar 2015
You told me,
"No one understands."
I said,
"That's not true.
I do."
And you said,
You don't."

Who are you to say that?
Are you me?
Do you know what I've been through?
To the last two questions above,
you would say NO.

And yet,
You still say I don't understand,
That I'm in the dark.
Well, you know what?
I am in the darkness.
It's consumed me.
I haven't seen the light in ages.

So don't you dare think
That for even a second
You have the audacity to tell me
I'm the one that doesn't understand.
I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of your *******.
Syzygy Feb 2015
You know me
But not behind closed doors.

Just like I know you
Although I don't really.

I can tell you're hiding something
Whenever you speak,
Whenever you gaze
Outwards to avoid my glance.
Syzygy Feb 2015
“I swear it to you,”
“He had you in this life...
...but during the next million you’ll be only mine.”
Okay I found this line in a fanfiction I read online XDD
But this was one of my favorite lines from the story so I wanted to share it.
Syzygy Jan 2015
We're a lot like books, you know?
We have an outside cover people will judge us on,
And we all have quite the story to tell.
Just a random thought, mmkay?
Syzygy Feb 2015
Let's play a game,
Where all the stakes
are high
And the result
Is never
In our favor.

Here are the cards,
For this fun game.
Do you have any

Or are they out of your grasp
Like everything else in this world?

No, don't give up just yet.
Play with the cards you're dealt.

Oh, look at that,
We've made progress!
We still have a few cards left.
Let's keep playing!

Now, let's show our cards,
That decide our fate
In this godforsaken game.

Did you win?

...*Or lose?
Syzygy Feb 2015
People say that 'hate' is a strong word,
That it's thrown around
Too carelessly.

But what about 'love'?
Don't we
Throw that word around too,
And state feelings
That aren't really there?
**Just wondering.
Syzygy Mar 2015
I open my heart to you today.
Why do I feel this way?
What makes me feel this way?

Whenever I'm around you,
Reality is finally better than my dreams.
Nothing else matters,
But you.

Your smile,
Your messy hair
Your gaze.
All of it.
All of you.
It pulls me in,
And I can't resist.

So please,
Now that I'm telling you this,
Answer me-
Why do you make my day
Just by sharing a few words with me?
How do you make me smile
Amidst all of my tears?

Is it really so?
Am I feeling this thing called
(for the couples out there x3)
Syzygy Apr 2015
I have two people inside of me-

Mind shows me truth,
Heart twists my perception.

Mind is my reality,
Heart is my fantasy.

Mind keeps me objective,
Heart forces subjection onto me.

Neither Heart nor Mind
Can control
This drug I've found.

I've been using it for quite a while
Mostly in secret.

There are many forms of this drug.
I mainly use

Sensation burns,
Memories enhance the pain.
But I don't mind.
I like the pain.

It's addicting.
Unhealthily addicting
To the point where
I feel lethargic without it.

Can you guess what this drug is?
It's quite rare, actually.
However, it goes by many names.
But what I usually call it-
is *Love.
(I'm not sure where I was going with this. Oh well.)
Syzygy Jan 2016
"He's just being attentive"
"He likes you"
"He doesn't mean it"
"He's only saying that because he's embarrassed"
Since when was verbal abuse ever an indicator of infatuation?
Since when was it deemed socially acceptable to call me a ***** behind my back?
Since when was I expected to accept mistreatment as a 'good' thing?
Je ne suis pas heureuse maintenant. Ne demandez pas pourquoi, je ne vous direz pas.
Syzygy Apr 2015
You are the one thing
I desire enough
To push away.
Syzygy Apr 2015
I wear a smile
Too genuine to be real.
Syzygy Apr 2016
It's not feeling in general that people should be worried about.
It's those fleeting waves of extremity, the mortifying thoughts that finally burst out to convey
That people should fear.
sitting here in waves of cloudy reflections is mighty fun
Syzygy Mar 2015
I'm already past my limit
Yet people ask for so much more
And I can't give it to them.

I'm sorry if I can't help you,
I'm sorry if I fail.
I'll try to make things better,
But please note I'm human.
I can only do
So much.
Syzygy Nov 2014
Some say
That one's eyes
Is a way
To see their true self.
But is it really so?

So many people
want to see
They want to know.
They need to know.

For the phrase
"look me in the eyes"
is so widely used
When we look
Do we really see?
Syzygy Jan 2016
I hate that I am unable to express my feelings to you when they are at its peak.
And by the time I am eloquent enough it is too late and the moment had long since escaped my reach.
Syzygy Feb 2016
Hey, slow it down.

What have I done?
I've messed up yet again.

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away

Those nights when I would leave you right before you fell asleep
And come back to see you wake up
But then, I wasn't really seeing, now was I?
My eyes were replaced with different lenses
That I scratched and clawed at but could not break.

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you

Those lenses have long since fallen
Lubricated by melancholic tears
Lulled by the waves of irony that I still tried to hold onto
Because you were there
That one cay by this shipwreck of a human

It's me I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
'Cause you're doing it perfectly*

I can't wrap my head around why you've stayed.
But you did.
You're still here.
And I'm honestly so indebted to you
Because you somehow see something worthwhile in this petty excuse of a person.
You're absolutely perfect.
Song Inspiration: Whataya Want From Me -  Adam Lambert
lol I jumbled up the lyrics
Syzygy Nov 2014
When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
When the game's over
Will you still be there?
Once you see
The illusion
That was once your reality
Will you still use the cards
You were dealt?
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale
Once you realize
Your reality
Is dead
That your love
Is no longer there
Will you still
Continue playing?
I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
I want you
To stay
And play this game
With me.
But not even I
Am real.
Or am I?
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
Even if
We are both illusions
We have no where else
To hide
Our reality
Our soul
From ourselves.
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide*
Can you see my illusion?
I can see yours.
Are you scared
Because of my reality?
can you still see
that illusion
with the same mirage
Known as 'real life'?
I was inspired by "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. This isn't an interpretation of the song, just something I felt the sudden urge to type before I lost the spark.
Syzygy Dec 2014
Blurs of Red and Green.
The smell of peppermint and pine
lingering in the atmosphere.

Sounds of bells chiming
And carolers singing
As churchgoers
also join together in their hymns.

joining together.
under the mistletoe
and hearing
the crackle
of wood burning
in the fireplace
Enlightening everyone all around
With its warmth.
Happy holidays ^w^
Syzygy Feb 2015
I am a walking hypocrite.
I criticize, yet do not take criticism.
I have a sharp tongue,
But I don't like it from others.
I'm tired,
But I still sleep late.
I want excitement,
Yet I always push the opportunities away.
Syzygy Feb 2016
So you want to play that game?
Let me tell you dear,
I'm not as stupid as you might think.
Because I've been played before,
And I have no intentions of playing with
Or being played by
Someone as pathetic as you.
It's really quite hilarious how some people think they can get away with so much without facing the consequences.
Syzygy Feb 2016
I don't love you.
I swear.
You need to trust me when I tell you
Don't trust me.

I don't love you.
I swear.
Even my presence is a mirage
There to say I'll never hurt you
Even though I aim a thousand arrows
At your blessed temple.

I don't love you.
I swear.
See through my white lies that spout from my mouth
Telling you I'll always be there for you
That I'll always help you in your times of need
That I'll always cherish you.

I don't love you.
I swear.
That gleam in my eyes
Is not adoration.

I don't love you.
I swear.
Even though I've managed to convince myself otherwise.
Syzygy Nov 2014
I’m fine.
I really am.
Criticism doesn’t deter me.
It makes me get better in the end.
The ******* people say will make me have the last laugh.
The effort I’m putting in to push people forward is fine, everything’s fine. The sad look in my eyes doesn’t mean anything, I’m just in a fantasy where I can’t appreciate what I have.
Being treated as a number is fine, it’s normal.
I can deal with it. I've been dealing with it.
I’m fine being someone’s comfort, I’m fine with having to be happy for them
Even if I’m crying inside.
I’m fine with keeping these tears in when they threaten to spill.
I’m fine with receiving hate.
I’m fine with giving honest opinions
Yet lying if they hit too close to home.
I’m fine with being a ***** sometimes,
I'm fine....
      *Can you see through my lies?
Syzygy Jun 2015
I know for a ******* fact that I'm no model.
But there's no need to degrade me because of that.
I mean, yeah.
I can't control what you say.
I'm not going to try to.
But it does hurt.
Just keep that in mind.
Syzygy Dec 2014
Music speaks when words can't.
Isn't that ironic?
Syzygy Dec 2014
Am I the only one
That laughs to hide my sadness?
Syzygy Nov 2014
The leaves fall from the trees
As they flew along
The bittersweet breeze
Away to make anew.
Syzygy May 2016
"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur."*
Mais, à mon avis, quand j'ai vu quelquechose avec mon cœur,
Quand j'ai décidé
ou j'ai entendu
Les choses devinnent malheureux pour moi.
Pourquoi je choisirais quelquechose
ou quelqu'un
que voulait me blesser?
my grammar's probably really bad whoopsy daisy
Syzygy Feb 2015
Am I your real choice
Or just your plan B?
I can hear it in your voice
I don't think you want me.
Syzygy Feb 2015
There's supposed to be light at the end of the tunnel
But I've been looking
And it's not there.
(; ̄Д ̄)I have absolutely no inspiration. Someone help me please.
Syzygy Nov 2015
Focus on me.




Look at me!
Look at my flaws!
See how my hips flare!
See how my skin glows so dully in the moonlight!
See how my eyes mock every word that falls out of my chapped lips!

Look at me!
Because it's been a while since you've seen something so worthless.
I was inspired by Ariana Grande's Focus ****
This isn't direct to anyone I swear--
It's just my satirical side.
Syzygy Apr 2015
Why didn't you remind me
Of the things I should have never forgotten?
Because those things
Are now attacking me,
Killing me inside.
Syzygy Nov 2014
I am a mirror.
I show myself
That couldn't possibly be true.
I point out all my imperfections,
And succumb to
worrying about
What's on the outside,
Even though,
it's what on the inside,
that counts.

I am a mirror.
I can be clear,
But over time,
Like an antique
I've become dusty,
just barely
To the frame
The cracks
are not always visible
on the surface
But over time
They add up
Until the glass
Syzygy Jan 2015
Your voice was intoxicating, delicious;
Now, it's unnaturally sweet and dissonant.
I loved hearing it.
I loved hearing you.

But now, I'm not sure.
Our voices together,
No longer make
What was once
The most beautiful orchestra.
Syzygy Aug 2016
ive always been told to make sure i dont rely on people
i need to make sure i rely in myself
i need to make sure i can take care of what i need to do
and cast aside what's irrelevant

and i completely agree
and ive slowly started to condition myself to do so
i hope im successful

its kind of hard though now
when advice with good intentions backfires like that

i dont rely on people, yes, that is true
but i have problems trusting people when they trust me
i dont know how to stop concealing because when i finally want to open these pages i cant seem to break through its spine
i cant seem to figure out the right things to say until after the brass shells have dropped to the floor

success ***** for once
wow it's been a **** long time
Syzygy Aug 2016
i really hope my gut is wrong
i know my gut is right though

i wish something like hope didn't exist
its too fallible fickle im falling
Syzygy Aug 2016
sometimes i wish i didn't exist
other times i wish you didn't exist
all the other times in between im in a weird void thats oddly pretty fulfilling and i really couldnt give less of a ****
what the **** am i writing ****
Syzygy Feb 2015
You are
The reason I cry
The reason I laugh
The reason I smile
The reason I frown.

You are
The reason
I feel this dread
And this utter happiness.

You are the reason
My heart beats
Just a little faster
And the reason
It stops.

And for many other reasons unknown but you,
Are the reason I love.
I felt in an oddly romantic mood for some reason.... oh well.~
Syzygy Dec 2014
Please listen.
Listen to me

Even if you say you won't.
Even if you say you can't.

That poison
you direct at yourself
You don't deserve.

Those cuts,
Those scars you think no one sees
Are as bright as the moon on a clear evening.

They show your poison,
They show you screaming,
"I need someone
I need someone
To protect me
From myself
Because I've lost all control."

"I need a wall to lean on.
A shoulder to cry on.
An ear willing to listen."

I will be your ears,
And I will listen
To every single word
You are willing to pour out.

I will be your shoulder to cry on,
Your wall to lean on
when your poison overflows
and makes you weak.

I may not be right next to you
When you are overflowing with poison,
Your demon forming,
I will always be with you.
I will always support you.

I will help you let out your demon
That's formed from lies
And I will dispose of the poison
Oozing out of your pores
And rolling off of your tongue.

So please,
Even if you think you're alone
You're not.
I'm here.
I'm listening
And I'll do everything
To rid you
Of the poison flowing through your veins
Injected by others,
And produced by yourself.
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
I know I'm not perfect.
But no one is.
Don't enforce something that doesn't exist.
I might make a lot of these notes. Just saying.
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
You always tell me to be myself.
But how can I be if you don't accept it?
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
You say everyone's beautiful.
Everyone, meaning
The authentic photoshopped models on TV.
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
Is that gun necessary?
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
Why do you say 'she asked for it'?
Discussing ****.
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
I can see my ribcage
And the space between my thighs.
Am I pretty now?
Or am I still not good enough?
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
Why is money a shield?
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
Why are some of the greatest people
Taken away so quickly?
Syzygy Nov 2014
Am I okay now?
Sometimes, it's just hard to tell
How I'm feeling
Even to myself.
Syzygy Nov 2014
On a whim
One person
can become your world.
On a whim
One minute
Could seem like forever.
On a whim
One word
Can be someone's salvation
Or downfall.
On a whim,
one word,
one book,
Just one spark
Can fuel the fire
Of a thousand lifetimes.
Syzygy Nov 2014
I'm fine.
Do you see
me broken?
Do you see
My scars?
My frame
like a house
Caving in?
I'm starting to cave in
Into my abyss,
My world
I'm trying hard
To escape
Without leaving.
I don't need your help.
You can see.
I can tell.
But I don't need the pity.
I'm fine.
I'm under pressure.
I'm not okay.
You see.
But do you really?
I need help.
I don't want it,
but I need it.
I need it now.
Before it reaches four.
Syzygy Feb 2015
What’s wrong with me? why can’t I learn?
Falling in love is so easy…. but then, why is it so hard to fall *out
of love? I’ve hurt myself so many times, I’ve had my heart shattered to the point of no return….
And yet I still love.
Why? God, why must I do this to myself? I don’t want to. I don’t want to love anymore. I can’t love anymore.
But then… what is a life without love? Why do we all feel love as such a beautiful thing, if it’s just going to end up hurting us in the end?

Tears roll down her eyes as she wrote the very words she is made of. The very words she’s feeling. It isn’t the heartbreak, although she has yet to get used to the pain. She’s been wounded; she doesn’t remember what it feels like not to be. She’s constantly beaten, and when she’s down, those closest to her make sure she never gets up.
Sighing, she looks around. Everything looks the same- the light green walls of her bedroom, her messy bed with mismatched sheets and gray-blue pillows. She turns to the right, catching glimpses of the trees and grass beneath. She’s looking, but not seeing. Her eyes are dull, as if they’ve never shone like in those pictures her mother has hanging along the walls of their too-cheery hallways.
She’s tired. Tired of being used, abused, and pretending it’s okay. She’s tired of having only words by her side- although they’ve always hurt more than they’ve healed.  She’s constantly being stabbed, the wounds visible to no one but those that have the blade.
She’s had friends- or so she thought. They had either left her, or added another scar to her collection. It seemed as if having evidence on her skin wasn’t enough for them. Or did they even know? Do they even know now? She knows people are aware; she knows how they see her. She hears the voices in her head, mocking her every single minute. Emo. Worthless. *****. Just some of many. She’s surrounded by these words, they’ve become who she is.
She’s had rare occasions when she saw light- light in her endless abyss. The light of people, people begging her, pleading for her to stay. To be someone she once was. They wanted her to be happy...Or so they said. They would say they cared, but did they really? They left, so they couldn’t possibly have.
She finally exits her thoughts for a moment to put her body in motion. She feels everything going slowly, smoothly as she walks out of her room. Her cage. Her haven. Her lifeless eyes stay glued to the floor as she barely thinks about where she’s going. She’s not wearing her sweater, or her jeans. She’s visible to everyone-to the criticism, the false sympathy. A weary sigh escapes her lips as her fingertips meet the wall, as her feet softly step on the varnished wood stairs. She feels herself slowly descending. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to hide anymore. She feels like she’s going to explode. She wants to explode.
*If they see…when they see… what will they say? Will they even say anything? Maybe they’ll finally care. Now that’s it’s too late. That always seems to be it. People always suddenly care, once it’s too late. Once the damage done is so irreversible, they can’t do anything but think in horror at what they see in front of them… Because I’m their target, just waiting to be aimed at again. I’m what’s been right in front of them, even though they’ve been too busy with their blades to notice.
Something I wrote a long time ago, but forgot about.

(urrrggggghhhh I should be studying.... :P)
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