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2.2k · Jan 2015
Temporary Bliss
Syzygy Jan 2015
I long for those days
When we had something to treasure
Outside the sheets.

When we were in love
When "we are in love",
Were we actually?
Are we now?

Even those kisses
And nights full of *******
Feel unrequited.

I ache
For your love
Not your lust,
which is all I've been seeing.
I was inspired by the song "Temporary Bliss" by The Cab.
2.1k · Dec 2014
Syzygy Dec 2014
You won't hear me complaining
That it's raining.

You won't hear me sigh
Because of something canceled
Due to the weather.

Rain is
and Enlightening.
At least for me.

Rain allows me to
with a nice cup of tea.
rain allows me,
to think
about all the things
normally looked over
every day.

Rain also allows me to appreciate
more of what's around me,
it's lulling, pulsing rhythm
beating against the drum
called Earth.
Who else loves the rain?
1.1k · Nov 2014
One, Two, Three
Syzygy Nov 2014
I'm fine.
Do you see
me broken?
Do you see
My scars?
My frame
like a house
Caving in?
I'm starting to cave in
Into my abyss,
My world
I'm trying hard
To escape
Without leaving.
I don't need your help.
You can see.
I can tell.
But I don't need the pity.
I'm fine.
I'm under pressure.
I'm not okay.
You see.
But do you really?
I need help.
I don't want it,
but I need it.
I need it now.
Before it reaches four.
1.1k · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
I am a walking hypocrite.
I criticize, yet do not take criticism.
I have a sharp tongue,
But I don't like it from others.
I'm tired,
But I still sleep late.
I want excitement,
Yet I always push the opportunities away.
1.0k · Jan 2015
Syzygy Jan 2015
We're a lot like books, you know?
We have an outside cover people will judge us on,
And we all have quite the story to tell.
Just a random thought, mmkay?
1.0k · Dec 2014
Syzygy Dec 2014
When one looks out a window
What do they see?
The Sun,

Well, when I look out the window,
I see
Everything is outside,
open to
and hope.
907 · Feb 2015
Behind closed doors
Syzygy Feb 2015
You know me
But not behind closed doors.

Just like I know you
Although I don't really.

I can tell you're hiding something
Whenever you speak,
Whenever you gaze
Outwards to avoid my glance.
882 · Dec 2014
Syzygy Dec 2014
Am I the only one
That laughs to hide my sadness?
825 · Apr 2015
Syzygy Apr 2015
Why didn't you remind me
Of the things I should have never forgotten?
Because those things
Are now attacking me,
Killing me inside.
791 · Feb 2015
Be Mine
Syzygy Feb 2015
“I swear it to you,”
“He had you in this life...
...but during the next million you’ll be only mine.”
Okay I found this line in a fanfiction I read online XDD
But this was one of my favorite lines from the story so I wanted to share it.
724 · Apr 2015
Syzygy Apr 2015
When people criticize me,
I'm not sure if they realize
But I've already criticized myself
On the exact same things.
721 · Nov 2015
Syzygy Nov 2015
Is it too late to say sorry?
Well, ask yourself that, not me.
Do you think you're worth forgiving?

They say
'Fool me once
Shame on you.
'Fool me twice
Shame on me'

But what about more than that?
One hundred times?

And with every time came a "sorry"
"I promise not to do that again".

So before you ask me
And tell me yet another apology

Apologize to yourself first.
For putting yourself into this predicament.
Inspiration: Sorry by Justin Beiber
703 · Apr 2015
Note to the World (III)
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
You say everyone's beautiful.
Everyone, meaning
The authentic photoshopped models on TV.
694 · Mar 2015
Syzygy Mar 2015
“Sooner or later, the pure white shall be dyed blood red.”*
A word
used to describe things
only from people who do not know the truth
about what they are describing.
For even the purest,
white souls,
are stained
with drops of red.
Even the purest roses
That grow on the valley
Are stained with red
Until they are unrecognizable
from what they once were
or seemed to be.
685 · Dec 2014
Syzygy Dec 2014
Blurs of Red and Green.
The smell of peppermint and pine
lingering in the atmosphere.

Sounds of bells chiming
And carolers singing
As churchgoers
also join together in their hymns.

joining together.
under the mistletoe
and hearing
the crackle
of wood burning
in the fireplace
Enlightening everyone all around
With its warmth.
Happy holidays ^w^
618 · Nov 2014
Syzygy Nov 2014
I sat on the floor, my face buried in my hands
Slowly I watched her shadow fade-
Never coming back.
As those words rang in my ears,
Deafening, refining-
Slowly but beautifully killing me.

Never coming back.
I slowly drone her voice piercing me all over
As if a pin kept pricking my body
With enough force to cause an eternal agony-
But not enough to ****,
To put me out of my misery.

My soul, slowly breaking-
Alive, but dead inside.
Her voice, deafening, beautiful-
Never coming back.
**This poem was inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven".
608 · Nov 2014
Syzygy Nov 2014
The leaves fall from the trees
As they flew along
The bittersweet breeze
Away to make anew.
578 · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
I know what to say
Just not how to say it.
553 · Mar 2015
Syzygy Mar 2015
I've accepted it all.
And I'll give in to you.
Only you.
You've become a part of me.
You complete me.

All the risk,
I'll ignore.
It's all worth it for me.

My head is spinning.
These thoughts,
These sins I've committed.
Matter no more.
Only you.

Always you.
Inspired by Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do"
549 · Nov 2014
Syzygy Nov 2014
I am a mirror.
I show myself
That couldn't possibly be true.
I point out all my imperfections,
And succumb to
worrying about
What's on the outside,
Even though,
it's what on the inside,
that counts.

I am a mirror.
I can be clear,
But over time,
Like an antique
I've become dusty,
just barely
To the frame
The cracks
are not always visible
on the surface
But over time
They add up
Until the glass
Syzygy May 2016
"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur."*
Mais, à mon avis, quand j'ai vu quelquechose avec mon cœur,
Quand j'ai décidé
ou j'ai entendu
Les choses devinnent malheureux pour moi.
Pourquoi je choisirais quelquechose
ou quelqu'un
que voulait me blesser?
my grammar's probably really bad whoopsy daisy
536 · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
Let's play a game,
Where all the stakes
are high
And the result
Is never
In our favor.

Here are the cards,
For this fun game.
Do you have any

Or are they out of your grasp
Like everything else in this world?

No, don't give up just yet.
Play with the cards you're dealt.

Oh, look at that,
We've made progress!
We still have a few cards left.
Let's keep playing!

Now, let's show our cards,
That decide our fate
In this godforsaken game.

Did you win?

...*Or lose?
536 · Apr 2015
Syzygy Apr 2015
You are the one thing
I desire enough
To push away.
528 · Aug 2016
musings 3
Syzygy Aug 2016
sometimes i wish i didn't exist
other times i wish you didn't exist
all the other times in between im in a weird void thats oddly pretty fulfilling and i really couldnt give less of a ****
what the **** am i writing ****
528 · Jan 2016
Syzygy Jan 2016
I hate that I am unable to express my feelings to you when they are at its peak.
And by the time I am eloquent enough it is too late and the moment had long since escaped my reach.
488 · Feb 2016
Syzygy Feb 2016
I don't love you.
I swear.
You need to trust me when I tell you
Don't trust me.

I don't love you.
I swear.
Even my presence is a mirage
There to say I'll never hurt you
Even though I aim a thousand arrows
At your blessed temple.

I don't love you.
I swear.
See through my white lies that spout from my mouth
Telling you I'll always be there for you
That I'll always help you in your times of need
That I'll always cherish you.

I don't love you.
I swear.
That gleam in my eyes
Is not adoration.

I don't love you.
I swear.
Even though I've managed to convince myself otherwise.
474 · Nov 2015
Syzygy Nov 2015
"I'm not pretty"
You say as someone compliments you.
"I'm not pretty"
You say as you step on the scale.
"I'm not pretty"
You say as you try on those new pants.
"I'm not pretty"
You say as you leave to go on that date.
"I'm not pretty..."

...Yes. You are.
My dear, you are wrong.
When was the last time you've really seen yourself
Past that *one
and the stretch marks on your legs?

You seem to have overlooked
That sparkle in your eyes
When you talk about something you love.

Or how graceful your fingers are
as they skim the keys of the piano,
as they run down your arms
clasping your elbows
and your back arches forward when you're embarrassed.

Or your skin,
that could easily rival
the softness of your favorite cashmere sweater
which fits loosely over your torso,
bunching at your elbows
when you do chores with me
after saying I "don't do it right".

Or your feet
that trek across the creeks with me
when we sneak out every Saturday
so you don't have to go to your uncle's house
when your mom leaves to see her friends.

Do you not even see your lips?
Their rosy color,
their fullness?
The pair you bite when you're nervous or frustrated
that are usually a bit chapped
especially in this chilly weather.

My dear,
You are pretty.
You're beautiful.
Please don't say otherwise.
This may seem like it's directed purely to females, but males are beautiful, too.
473 · Nov 2014
Syzygy Nov 2014
It's time to paint.
You pick up your paintbrush
Painting a deep
The paint mixes with your tears.
Your pain,
Your grief
Until you go

You paint in secret.
No one understands.
No one sees.
No one bothers to.

I see.
I can see
Your tainted canvas
Your paint,
Your tears.
I can see
And feel
Your pain
And I'm truly
I hug you,
And kiss the canvas.
And toss the paintbrush
You don't need this.
You don't want this.
But you want an escape.
An escape from it all.

So you paint. used to.
462 · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
No one knows
How much I show
Compared to what I hide,
What I keep inside.

I can pass by,
Unseen and unheard.
Trying not to cry,
It's almost absurd.

Sometimes I feel
Like I'm caving in.
It's almost unreal
But the boundary is thin.

Just yesterday,
You said you could see.
That the problems inside,
Are apparent in me.

At this I laughed,
And to your surprise
"Your don't know a thing"
Is what I had cried.

You don't know those words,
I hear every day,
That pierce right through me
Like a knife through soft clay.

You don't know what's happened
In my past or right now
Yet you have the audacity
To raise one brow

And decide who I am,
Who you think I will be
On simple assumptions,
Based on only what you see.

Now please, shut up.
And just walk away.
You're blind like the others,
You think this is child's play.

You speak with 'empathy',
But it's all just lies.
You can't feel what I feel,
So stop with the countless tries
To see if you understand,
To see through my walls,
But on the secrets I hide,
*You know nothing at all.
457 · Jan 2016
Syzygy Jan 2016
"He's just being attentive"
"He likes you"
"He doesn't mean it"
"He's only saying that because he's embarrassed"
Since when was verbal abuse ever an indicator of infatuation?
Since when was it deemed socially acceptable to call me a ***** behind my back?
Since when was I expected to accept mistreatment as a 'good' thing?
Je ne suis pas heureuse maintenant. Ne demandez pas pourquoi, je ne vous direz pas.
457 · Jun 2015
Just a note
Syzygy Jun 2015
I know for a ******* fact that I'm no model.
But there's no need to degrade me because of that.
I mean, yeah.
I can't control what you say.
I'm not going to try to.
But it does hurt.
Just keep that in mind.
456 · Nov 2015
Syzygy Nov 2015
Don't trust me.
Because you will only end up hurting yourself in the end.
You will see me in everything,
On every park bench we've sat on,
Near every tree we've shared kisses under.
You'll see me in that glint in your eyes
still glassy from crying.
You'll see me in every store we've shopped at,
In every restaurant we've been to.
In every photo of the first summer sunset,
In every movie.

Don't trust me.
Because I will chew you up and leave your heart
I will say I loved you
My voice being your ultimate aphrodisiac.
My lips being just right for yours.
My fingers just fitting into the gap between yours
when we would lay down and look at the stars.

Don't trust me
Just because I trusted you.
397 · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
You never needed me
As much as I needed you.

You were the reason I breathed,
But I only made you blue.

I thought we had something,
But it was an illusion
At best.

You were my king,
But I was only your test.

Now that you're gone,
I see my mistakes

I'll no longer look on
To a love that was fake.
(This isn't based on me, I'm a single pringle XD)
395 · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
Am I your real choice
Or just your plan B?
I can hear it in your voice
I don't think you want me.
394 · Mar 2015
Syzygy Mar 2015
Your words stab me
Killing me over and over again.
Why do I still give in?
Why do I still love you?

Do you love me?
Sure you do.
I'm lying, aren't I?
No, I'm not.
Of course not.

All those nights alone
don't mean a thing.
All those beer bottles
In the refrigerator
That are gone the next morning
Are worthless.
I have nothing to worry about.

*...I can't lie to myself anymore. It hurts too much.
386 · Feb 2016
Syzygy Feb 2016
I'm in a constant state of being subtly nervous for no apparent reason.
386 · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
What’s wrong with me? why can’t I learn?
Falling in love is so easy…. but then, why is it so hard to fall *out
of love? I’ve hurt myself so many times, I’ve had my heart shattered to the point of no return….
And yet I still love.
Why? God, why must I do this to myself? I don’t want to. I don’t want to love anymore. I can’t love anymore.
But then… what is a life without love? Why do we all feel love as such a beautiful thing, if it’s just going to end up hurting us in the end?

Tears roll down her eyes as she wrote the very words she is made of. The very words she’s feeling. It isn’t the heartbreak, although she has yet to get used to the pain. She’s been wounded; she doesn’t remember what it feels like not to be. She’s constantly beaten, and when she’s down, those closest to her make sure she never gets up.
Sighing, she looks around. Everything looks the same- the light green walls of her bedroom, her messy bed with mismatched sheets and gray-blue pillows. She turns to the right, catching glimpses of the trees and grass beneath. She’s looking, but not seeing. Her eyes are dull, as if they’ve never shone like in those pictures her mother has hanging along the walls of their too-cheery hallways.
She’s tired. Tired of being used, abused, and pretending it’s okay. She’s tired of having only words by her side- although they’ve always hurt more than they’ve healed.  She’s constantly being stabbed, the wounds visible to no one but those that have the blade.
She’s had friends- or so she thought. They had either left her, or added another scar to her collection. It seemed as if having evidence on her skin wasn’t enough for them. Or did they even know? Do they even know now? She knows people are aware; she knows how they see her. She hears the voices in her head, mocking her every single minute. Emo. Worthless. *****. Just some of many. She’s surrounded by these words, they’ve become who she is.
She’s had rare occasions when she saw light- light in her endless abyss. The light of people, people begging her, pleading for her to stay. To be someone she once was. They wanted her to be happy...Or so they said. They would say they cared, but did they really? They left, so they couldn’t possibly have.
She finally exits her thoughts for a moment to put her body in motion. She feels everything going slowly, smoothly as she walks out of her room. Her cage. Her haven. Her lifeless eyes stay glued to the floor as she barely thinks about where she’s going. She’s not wearing her sweater, or her jeans. She’s visible to everyone-to the criticism, the false sympathy. A weary sigh escapes her lips as her fingertips meet the wall, as her feet softly step on the varnished wood stairs. She feels herself slowly descending. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to hide anymore. She feels like she’s going to explode. She wants to explode.
*If they see…when they see… what will they say? Will they even say anything? Maybe they’ll finally care. Now that’s it’s too late. That always seems to be it. People always suddenly care, once it’s too late. Once the damage done is so irreversible, they can’t do anything but think in horror at what they see in front of them… Because I’m their target, just waiting to be aimed at again. I’m what’s been right in front of them, even though they’ve been too busy with their blades to notice.
Something I wrote a long time ago, but forgot about.

(urrrggggghhhh I should be studying.... :P)
366 · Jan 2015
Syzygy Jan 2015
So many decisions
Are hard to make.

From saying "yes",
or "no".

From staying you'll stay,
Or that you have to go.

I wish you said "no",
and that you didn't have to go.
Now I'll never see you again.
Ah, the things I think about when I have nothing to think about. A bit ironic, huh...?
361 · Apr 2015
Note to the World (VI)
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
I can see my ribcage
And the space between my thighs.
Am I pretty now?
Or am I still not good enough?
359 · Apr 2015
Contradictory (II)
Syzygy Apr 2015
I wear a smile
Too genuine to be real.
354 · Mar 2015
Syzygy Mar 2015
I'm already past my limit
Yet people ask for so much more
And I can't give it to them.

I'm sorry if I can't help you,
I'm sorry if I fail.
I'll try to make things better,
But please note I'm human.
I can only do
So much.
351 · Jan 2015
Unsaid Confession
Syzygy Jan 2015
I'm too scared to tell you
My feelings for you.
Because if I did,
You'd laugh.
343 · Mar 2015
Confession of Confusion
Syzygy Mar 2015
I open my heart to you today.
Why do I feel this way?
What makes me feel this way?

Whenever I'm around you,
Reality is finally better than my dreams.
Nothing else matters,
But you.

Your smile,
Your messy hair
Your gaze.
All of it.
All of you.
It pulls me in,
And I can't resist.

So please,
Now that I'm telling you this,
Answer me-
Why do you make my day
Just by sharing a few words with me?
How do you make me smile
Amidst all of my tears?

Is it really so?
Am I feeling this thing called
(for the couples out there x3)
328 · Feb 2015
Syzygy Feb 2015
People say that 'hate' is a strong word,
That it's thrown around
Too carelessly.

But what about 'love'?
Don't we
Throw that word around too,
And state feelings
That aren't really there?
**Just wondering.
325 · Apr 2016
Syzygy Apr 2016
It's not feeling in general that people should be worried about.
It's those fleeting waves of extremity, the mortifying thoughts that finally burst out to convey
That people should fear.
sitting here in waves of cloudy reflections is mighty fun
312 · Nov 2014
On a whim
Syzygy Nov 2014
On a whim
One person
can become your world.
On a whim
One minute
Could seem like forever.
On a whim
One word
Can be someone's salvation
Or downfall.
On a whim,
one word,
one book,
Just one spark
Can fuel the fire
Of a thousand lifetimes.
301 · Mar 2017
Syzygy Mar 2017
Do I love you?

At night, I dream of everything we could have been.
I sleep on my side with only the moonlight framing where you could be, where you should be.

I think of every part of you as deeply as I can because even though I can't be with you in this life, I can at least console my mind and pretend I ever had a chance.

My eyes remain unfocused and dazed as I imagine you because if I ever did decide to concentrate the few fragments of you I have left in the crevices of my mind would shatter.

I hold out my hands and rest them in front of me so I can pretend that you're there and I'm holding you in the bleary distortions created by the blinds on my window.

I no longer see my hands as my own and bring the backs of yours up to my lips, which are either dry or smeared in lip balm only to be chapped but still dripping in the sunrise that would come in mere hours.

I open your palms and run my thumbs over the wrinkles and lines, massaging the softest part just above your wrist. I run my fingers over your fingers, where they meet your palms, and the lines that run along the sides of your hand and between the webbings of your skin before stopping at the tendon. You tense because you don't like your wrists. They're a reflection of darker times.

In a manner I'd typically deem over-romanticized, I place a kiss on your fingers first, trailing chaster touches down to your palms. I ask for your permission first before I kiss your scars, and I hear a soft sigh once I do so.

I pull back and meet your dark eyes, which face away from the window so a halo of light wraps around your hair. I lean forward and press my forehead to yours, the sound of our breathing syncing in the background as our noses touch.

You kiss me. But it's not the kinds of kisses you usually give me like the ones we shared in front of your friends. It's the kind I can only get in moments like this, too tender for the rest of the world to ever really understand and too precious for me to ever really explain in a competent manner.

Our lips part and I feel your hand cupping my cheek, tilting my head up slightly. I never really got over the subtle touches I'd receive from you, from the feathery skims over my collarbones to the slight squeeze I'd feel when our fingers intertwine. I think you know that.

I think you also know that this is usually where it stops. Whether I intend for it to or not.

My eyes refocus, and I quickly close them so I don't need to meet my windowsill and bedsheets that mock me. I think about what you might actually be doing now, instead.

You may or may not be sleeping, just as you may or may not be thinking about me. But I know without a doubt that you're thinking about him, and how all the things I'd love to do with you you'd love to do with him if you haven't already.

I decide to let that be the last thing in my mind as a drift off, only to be greeted by more thoughts of you as the sun rises.
300 · Mar 2015
Silver Space
Syzygy Mar 2015
I had a dream.
You lay in front of me.
Things were out of our hands.
You were gone.
I couldn't stop it.
You just...
Gone forever.

I wake up,
And claw
The silver space
On the bed where you usually are.
And when I feel nothing but the sheets,
That's when the tears start to fall.
should I write a story based off of this? I kind of want to, but I'm not entirely sure If I should...
294 · May 2016
Syzygy May 2016
I've read so many things to try to comprehend the way I'm feeling.
Years of research.
Decades of those prior to me.
This extraterrestrial rush of chemicals flowing from different parts of my brain
It doesn't feel right.
I hate it.
I am concrete.
Why must these things keep trying to pull me away from the soil in which I was born from and will return to?
From dust to dust.
Ashes to ashes.
I can't fall down.

Everything is ephemeral.
These figments of my imagination that claw away at me.
These thoughts that keep whirring,
grinding the gears inside the factories polluting even the most miniscule crevices of my mind.
But this is slowly warping my earth
My dust
My ashes
To mud.
The molecules change.
Atoms vibrate sporadically.

Dust to dust.
Ashes to ashes.
Fall down.
290 · Apr 2015
Note to the World (V)
Syzygy Apr 2015
Dear World,
Why do you say 'she asked for it'?
Discussing ****.
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