Cracked
Kaleidoscope memories of you
Beautiful if turned one way, and muddled when turned another
But do I want to search for its beauty?
Do I want to search for you?

My fingers graze things you once held, searching for echoes of your finger tips,
My fingers graze my skin hoping to remember how you feel,

If I turn up the volume, will it give me comfort the way your voice used to?
The pause between words have me grasping on to the way I held your silence between my lips,

I remember your words and whispered promises as if they were etched onto my skin,
No longer a blank canvas,
My eternal mark of you,

Bring me closer, let me look you in those dubious eyes,
Let me bring my lips almost to a kiss and ask for another pretty lie.

I jot down my thoughts of you on any pieces of paper I can find,
My thoughts like these papers, loose leaf and wild, somehow only further our bind,
I search for words that purge and lessen the urge to reach our and tell you "I miss you",
Because you're fine without my lips, my tongue, or my kiss & they say don't go back to what hurt you.

But ******* do I miss you.

I miss you in the simplest of moments when alone with my heartbeat I sigh,
You showed me such beauty and reached into my soul and now that you're gone I just cry,
Cry for what we had, and for what we could have been,
I'm sure now that loving you was my very greatest sin.

So I write down on parchment the words I'll never say and alone with my memories I sigh,
& so I'll wait for the day when I can wake up and say it's not in your arms I wish to lie.

I lied to my mother about talking to you because last time I told her we talked, she cried.
2. My biggest fear is that no matter what I do, I won't ever get over you.
3. Everywhere I go, I find you. I suppose it's because I carry you in my heart.
4. I didn't believe in soul mates until I met you. You didn't complete me, you complemented me.
5. Sometimes I can't sleep because I'm thinking of you. Other nights I don't want to sleep because I know I'll dream of you.
6. You make my hands shake and my stomach hurt. I don't think love is suppose to feel this way.
7. I miss you even when you're not away. I hate it but it's always been that way.
8. Sometimes I think we were meant to be. Everything was right except our timing.
9. It's been two years too late but I still look for your face in a crowded room.
10. You felt like home but if there's anything I've learned recently, it's that home is so very temporary.
11. I never knew craving touch was a thing until I saw your hands.
12. You are the whirlwind of thoughts I could never put into words.
13. I write about you like you put the stars in the sky.
14. I don't want to forget you but somedays I regret you.
15. I don't always like you but I always love you.

I wish love destroyed you,
But it doesn't do you that courtesy,
It wounds and maimes you,
And it leaves you alive,
It doesn't do you the justice of a mercy killing,
We bleed again and again,
The scars come and never leave,
Forever altered by all of the moments,
Love isn't poetic,
Love is the cache 22 that reminds us that even if you're in heaven right now,
The devil used to also be god's favorite angel,
And hell isn't so far away after all.

Sometimes I wish I had never met you at all.
Never known the warmth of your eyes,
Or the way your breathing grows rhythmic when to sleep you slowly fall.

Sometimes I wish I had never heard your laughter.
Never known the way your smile could make my heart cease,
Before you a blank page and now you've left a crease.