I ask her if she saw your eyes
She said she did that they are the
“boy eyes” but tripled and then
says but “have you seen your own eyes”
I said I hadn’t so I ran to the mirror
to see and started crying
at the way my dark eyes are full of peace
(giant wet pools of love) melting against my skin
through my pores
all because of
(you)

you are splitting me open like
a ripe pomegranate
my back arching beneath you
I am nothing but you
(and come and go and here and upside down)
you say your chest feels like it is exploding
and smile at me half naked in a sweatshirt
sinking into nothingness (everything)
you are garganta do diabo
(my eight year old self feeling a breath of
endlessness for the first time)
and Utah Beach and Mumbai at night
where I am breathless (breathless)
(I am raw here)
twisting my throat splitting
me open like I have never closed up.

fingers tapping on the seat and teeth
biting into the steering wheel
leaving angry marks (silent screams)
gazing at the fire trucks in front of me
blazing lights blinding and
I am furious
at the way my brain turns me
inside out.
A (un)kind ******* to
the those in the past
(the boys the men)
who have
broken me turned me twisted me
bent me until I fit them
until I could not remember myself
not feeling lonely.
tied until everything was tight
and knotted
(how wicked of you)

and now I am
unwinding (slowly so so slowly) and that is
all I can promise him for now.
(that I will slowly unwind)

you don’t realize how much it hurts you when he
touches you for a moment and then begs for more
you say “no I don’t want to” and he pushes
(more) (more)
---says you are annoying and dramatic--
but you love him (so)
you grasp for straws you
gasp when he smiles and yet
your love is rotting and it is
filling your bones. All of the no no
I don’t want to” turns into
come back why are you leaving and then
you are clawing for air on the ground
calling your mom trying to tell her
how much you hurt without telling her why
because it might split her open
And that is the last thing you want to do.

Frequently
I imagine
Unwrapping you
slowly (softly) a gift that
I have dreamed of
Feeling your skin again (and again)
I am grasping for moments
(for you)
I want to cement in me the
softness of your (living)
the sharpness of your bones
sweet like sugarcane
below your surface.
I am here to catch
every breath between my
tingling fingers
caramel tongue
slowly unwrapping (me)
Frequently.

furrowed eyebrows, dark brown like 80% dark chocolate
(and arching wind-blown tree trunks)
these songs are guttural
branching through my trachea like
sugar snap pea vines
erupting into my mouth
(sweetness)
in the most untarnished manner you are
the grand canyon/the great barrier reef/mount everest
(natural wonders) and
nothing short of
(breathtaking)

the fan whirring and
your eyes are like pools of melted honey.
your stories stir something inside of me and I
am always nothing but sweetness for you.