One little cut across my precious skin

I feel the blood leaking out of me as it slides down my leg
I feel everything that has been bothering me drift away
As the first drop of blood touches the floor with this high I am experiencing

I make another cut

and another

and another

and another

and another

Until I am so cut up that I am numb
I can't feel anything and this is what I want
To not feel anything
To not have to deal with this pain that makes living so unbearable

But this

This habit in which I have developed is what keeps me going
If it wasn't for this addiction
this pleasure
this outside pain
this high
this coping mechanism
I would be dead
With cutting I cut to numb the pain inside
I cut to make sure that I am still alive

I cut

because this addiction is a secret in which no one else knows about

and I like it that way.

Always
Making
A
Not
So
Nice
Day
Amazing

And though I may not mention it,
I need you to remain and sit in place within my life.
I'm home, I don't mind a few renovations but you can't move out.
Change the furniture, change the setting, change the colours of this love, but don't pack up.
Don't relocate, because I can't leave with you, hence I live with you.
Continue to settle, continue to speak your plans to my walls, we'll breathe life into them.
And may the building of this love never feel the clocks run forward.

by Dvniel Jones

You never see the beauty in the ugly thing staring you in the face, whether it be what you see in the mirror, or the thing that you hold in your hands to end it all.
The metal of the gun; shiny, sparkly, ready to please whomever fires.
The strands of the rope; strong, reliant.
The grain of the pills; slipping you into your permanent dream.
Or the face that you and many others see.
Different to whoever looks at you.
Maybe to some beautiful, wise and pure.
But to you, a monster, never pleased and never pleasing.
You will choose to never see the beauty in you but in the others.
Because you see the world as art.
And you as the starving artist whose career never took off.

there is serenity on the bathroom floor
among the cold tiles
sending the sense of euphoria all throughout your struggling body
the pain
it feels so good
to just sit in the silence
with nothing
but the brisk air
and the cold tiles
sending chills down the spine
that you didn't think you had
because it was so hard to stand
just collapsing on that bathroom floor
with nothing but the readiness and acknowledgment of knowing it's okay to feel the end
because it is inevitable
it comes for all of us
and you may not be scared
but you must be petrified
for when the moment comes
it will feel the same as your body on the cold tiles
and the brisk air will take you away
with the serenity still there
as you enter the gates of wherever the air sweeps you to