when
you
left,
i
stopped
believing
in
second
chances

however,
i
started
realizing
what
terminals
and
checkpoints
are
for

Even when I am
Six feet under
The ground
I'll still be
thinking
About
Cats
Their
Lovely
Personalities
Their fluffiness
Purrs and meows

faces like yours aren't meant for touching
and i'm beginning to think that closed-casket funerals were created for you
and sometimes the overwhelming desire to share something of yourself with someone--with anyone--is too much to bear

and suddenly i understand every spraypainted feeling under every freeway
or sharpie sentences scribbled in bathroom stalls
or muttered comments or notes in library books or songs on repeat played a little too loud
and i understand why pretty girls write stories on their arms

you were never the type to tell the truth
you were always talking
you never understood the way i looked at my feet when you laughed or how i spoke in hushed tones


some days are better than yesterday and some days make me question tomorrow
some words make me question you

today i wonder what the bigger sin is

is it your lying?
or my hopeless belief in words i know aren't true?

words are meant to be spoken and hands are meant to be held and love and sorrow and anger are meant to be felt and enjoyed and EXPERIENCED
and everything has meaning
everything but you

my mind keeps playing a song about how your eyes shined so bright under that night sky and how your arms locked with mine til the thoughts of you leaving, died, as we kept counting and counting, constantly counting the stars - the millions, the billions, the trillions of stars, whispering into my ears, "do you know when will my love end? if u have counted all the stars, if u have named all the stars, that is when"

there's only 1 letter that i love, its u