I was eleven, the first time I saw you.
I thought you were sweaty, and that your hair was too long.
I had just skipped two straight months of school,
they had told you about me and I hated that.

I was twelve, the first time I met you.
I remember my classmates were uninspired
and equally uninspiring.
I wrote things for you, I wanted you to know that
I wasn't like them.
I not only thought things through, I couldn't stop.
I wrote to keep from going crazy.

You showed me your plays,
your poetry,
your short stories.
You showed me college english textbooks
full of various prose,
each one flavored slightly differently.

You showed me The Giver,
and Dead Poet's Society.
I wondered if you really fancied yourself
the captain,
leading your charges into vast fields of knowledge,
and what's more,
appreciation for the knowledge.

You were the teacher that made kids
want to teach.
You looked after me.
Made sure I was fed.
Signed me up for extra credit,
even when I said no.
You showed me what it was like
to have someone's support.
You showed me love.

When I went to high school
we stopped talking,
except for the occasional email.
But I had a boyfriend
And I smoked ***
And I didn't want
to let you down.

When I graduated, I sent you an email.
Explained everything.
I begged to see you,
to talk about all that happened.
You never replied.

You died the week before I received my diploma.
Since then,
I've been going off of soundbite bits of advice
you once gave me,
trying always to remind myself that I can do this,
because
you showed me.

I wrote a book..
But it's half a page,
I wrote a poem
But all it really says is;
'I'm in love'

But i won't say a word..
I'll just write words down,
I'm close to keeping you
In my life for a little longer now

And its gonna be the last day I'm 16,
Its gonna be the best night of my life
Cause if its gonna be the last day I'm 16,
I want your taste of what true lust is, so just close your eyes

And i will.. I'll make it hot,
As the bass drops,
I'll play a song that makes your heart stop, as i lean in..

Cause theres something about you..
Theres just something about you
And i know i can't lose you,
If you're someone else's to lose..
But there's something about us
That leaves me breathless and confused
Theres something about the way i know you want me too

I'll make it hot,
cause this could be love..
I wanna kiss you bad but you make my heart stop..
And now i give in

Cause there's so much to lose,
You're so beautiful..
And theres so much to lose
When you're the one I'm pouring my heart to
So don't spill my heart's ink,
Cause theres still one more last thing
Left to say,
Won't you tell me that I'm pretty..
Or tell me you can't love me
But you'll kiss me anyway..

Im jealous

Jealous that I
wasn't the  one

Jealous
of  something that wasn't mine

It was all  just  my mind
playing tricks on me

Dear me
So foolish to think it was me
I should have  known

Now my heart's breaking,
cracking, splitting into 2.

And im
still
jealous.
Yep. I still do.